If You Believe You’re Too Old For Love, This Mistaken Belief Is Keeping You Single
Afraid that you are too old for love? It doesn’t matter if you are 35 or 75, the belief that love has passed you by can cause you to give up hope that you’ll find the love you desire.
The feeling that love is passing you by can leave you feeling lonely and alone. It doesn’t matter if you are feeling the pressure to start a family, or whether you’re entering your Golden Years and afraid you’re going to spend them alone. Your belief that you are too old for love can cause you to lose hope, become cynical, and give up looking.
Don’t let your fears and your limiting beliefs stop you from discovering the joys of sharing your life with an ideal partner. Instead of focusing on your age and the passing of time, try a new approach.
Focus On What You Can Change
You can’t go back in time and make changes to the past, but you can change your patterns and create new strategies for love right now in the present regardless of your age. Lasting love doesn’t have an age limit, nor does it discriminate based on your weight, where you live, or the events of your past.
As you grow older you have the opportunity to experience a more mature love relationship. In the last year, two of our clients (both in their late 50’s – early 60’s and never married) have gotten engaged to lovely men who cherish and adore them.
They were both willing to take a new approach to love, even when it made them uncomfortable. They let their desire for lasting love with an ideal partner drive them and motivate them to move through their own resistance.
You are never too old for love, especially when you are willing to focus on what you can change instead of lamenting on love lost in the past.
Don’t Let Your Limiting Beliefs Get In The Way Of Your Happiness
Your belief system has the biggest effect on your ability to create the lasting love you want. And when your limiting beliefs are tied up in something that you have no control over, like believing that you are too old for love, you can feel powerless to do anything about it. This ultimately creates apathy which is no friend to motivation and kills your joy.
Your beliefs have tremendous power over your experiences. Confirmation bias has a profound effect on how you interpret the events of your life. Your belief system is the driving force behind the meaning you give events.
The belief that you are too old for love sets up a barricade that you will have to break down before you can begin to create the love you desire. These common limiting beliefs are literally keeping you stuck and unable to create what you desire:
- All the good ones are taken
- Love is not meant for me
- Dating is scary
- I’ll end up all alone
- I’m not good enough
First comes the false limiting belief, and then when something negative happens you have the confirmation of your belief. Your subconscious starts looking for further evidence, which is easy to find, and you begin to feel hopeless. This leads to you feeling less motivated to take action. Maybe you try to avoid the negative feelings by putting your focus on your career, your friends, or your health.
This creates a cycle of belief and evidence that can lead you to a downward spiral where the only option is to just give up altogether on your search for lasting love. Don’t let the false belief that you are too old for love stop you from taking the necessary actions to get out of your own way.
You Have The Power To Change Your Beliefs
Your beliefs are not set in stone. If you have an open mind, you can always find evidence that convinces you to change your mind. A curious mind is a youthful mind. Science has proven the elasticity of the brain (even later in life), and you can teach an old dog new tricks.
Start by looking for evidence of what you desire out in the world. Find people your age that are happy and fulfilled with a thriving loving partnership. You can look in your own community of friends and co-workers, or out in the world online or in the media. When you find the evidence you’re looking for, celebrate it. Highlight it for yourself so that you start to give it weight and importance.
This can be as simple as seeing an older couple holding hands as they cross the street. Or celebrating a milestone anniversary with a couple you are friends with. Perhaps you can start by asking people you know who are married for a long time, “What’s your secret?”
When you feel yourself getting sucked back into your old beliefs about being too old for love, say to yourself, “Cancel, cancel, cancel!” Instead, reaffirm to yourself that love doesn’t have an age limit, and recall an account about someone you know who discovered love late in life.
Over time you can train your mind to see this new reality. In turn, this will cause your subconscious to highlight more evidence that the love you seek is available to you.
You are never too old for love. You simply need to upgrade your belief system to allow love in.
Don’t Let Your Past Experiences Determine Your Future
One of the most common reasons to believe you are too old for love is your past experiences with love. Whether you’ve struggled to connect with anyone in a meaningful way, or whether you have a checkered past of relationship train wrecks, you can change your patterns and strategies for love.
When your past experiences have an emotional charge, they exert a strong influence on your behavior. For example, say your spouse cheated on you and you felt crushed from that experience. Moving forward you’ll want to avoid ever feeling that level of betrayal again. So you build a wall around your heart and do whatever you can to avoid dating potential cheaters.
With this example, your subconscious mind begins highlighting any behavior that could be a red flag. You may even take on the belief that everyone cheats, and no one can be trusted to be faithful to you.
This may seem like an extreme response, but it is a common reaction to heartbreak and disappointment. This is how people treat love different than everything else they desire in life.
Asking for a raise and not getting it may be disappointing, but it doesn’t derail people from excelling at their career (in fact for some this experience may fuel them to excel). Even small disappointments in love can stop people of all ages from moving toward their desired goal.
You have complete control over what you think, feel, and do. Becoming a master of your emotional life allows you to change the trajectory of your experiences. Rather than looking for what you do not want so you can avoid it, release the past by focusing on what you truly desire.
Your heart is never too old for love. Manifesting your ideal relationship is possible at every age and stage of life.
You Can Learn From Your Experiences Without Closing Your Heart
The key to not closing your heart is to learn from those past experiences and to develop new strategies for creating love. Develop a mindset that your experiences are here to teach you and encourage you to grow.
You are not responsible for the behavior of others, but you are responsible for your reaction and for the meaning you assign to your experiences. Whether it was your parents, or your exes, you can heal and let go of the past and allow your heart to stay open.
When your heart breaks, it breaks open to hold more love. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, forgive others for their behavior, and expand your capacity for love. Keeping an open heart will allow you to create love in your life no matter your age.
You are not too old for love. You have just allowed your past to cloud you from the truth: Love is always available to you because the love you seek is inside of you.
Don’t Let Your Strategies For Creating Love Get In Your Way
A long-lasting, monogamous relationship is not instinctual. Sex is, but monogamy is a learned behavior and a societal construct. Monogamy developed in human culture for a lot of reasons and brings many benefits to us personally as well as to our communities. It’s unfortunate that the skills for making monogamy work are not taught to us growing up.
You developed your relationship strategies in your childhood based on the influence of your parents and your family. Unless your family dynamic was loving and supportive, you probably didn’t develop the best strategies for your romantic relationships.
Controlling behaviors, a lack of boundaries, taking too much or not enough responsibility, and being unable to resolve conflict are some of the strategies that will sabotage your relationships.
Don’t let the past determine your outcome or deter you from your desired goal for lasting love.
You Can Change Your Strategies For Love
Take a new approach to dating by looking for reasons to say, “Yes,” to a first meet. Slow down the dating process by taking your time before you agree to exclusivity. Make sure you get to know who someone is before you give them your heart.
Utilize the dating process to practice your new strategies and skillset. Communicate authentically and take responsibility for your behavior. Focus on “I” language and avoid “You” language and blaming when you are having a conflict with your date.
Setting clear boundaries between you and your partner will drive away those who want to control and manipulate you. They will literally deselect themselves because they will see that you are not the kind of person they can exert power over.
Develop empathy and compassion for yourself and your partner and you’ll find that you won’t get as triggered or upset when something bad happens. Accepting that you are perfectly imperfect will help release a lot of the judgment you may feel about yourself.
Notice when you are projecting your fears and insecurities onto your partner and making up a story about what you think may be going on. Stay open and curious about your partner and his/her motivations.
These are just a few of the new strategies you can adopt to change your patterns in love.
You are never too old for love. You simply need to develop new strategies for creating it.
Love doesn’t have an expiration date. In fact, as you get older you can experience a more mature and fulfilling experience of love if you make the effort to examine your limiting beliefs, learn from your past experiences, and develop new strategies for lasting love.
Are you looking for more tools to change your love and relationship patterns? Join us in our private Facebook group, Common Sense About Love. In this group, we host special events where you’ll receive exclusive access to us and a supportive community, all devoted to the idea of creating lasting love.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.