7 Ways That Being A Cynical Person Is Keeping You Single
It’s been said that inside every cynical person is a disappointed romantic. It’s okay to be suspect if you have reason to be, but what if that cynicism is keeping you single?
Everyone has had disappointments in life. Not every relationship works out the way you wanted it to. But that doesn’t mean that you have to become cynical about life and love.
If you’re a disappointed romantic and finding it difficult to reconcile your own desire to share your life with someone alongside the experiences you’ve had that broke your heart, it’s time to take a look at how your own self-fulfilling prophecy is keeping you from the one thing you desire most of all – someone to share your life with.
You may not like the label of being called a cynical person, so perhaps you’re just cynical about the opposite sex or about romantic love? Well, that cynicism is also keeping you single.
Being single isn’t the worst thing in the world – it only sucks when you’re heart desires to share life’s ups and downs with that one special person who sticks by you no matter what.
So did you roll your eyes just now reading that? Or heavy sigh? Are you ready to close this page and pretend it’s not you who is suffering?
It doesn’t matter your age or your circumstances; you can always start again. This doesn’t mean that you won’t go through cynical periods in your life. But you don’t want to be defined as a cynical person because ultimately that can keep you from what you truly desire.
You may secretly be hoping that your Mr. Right will come along and melt the walls around your heart, but let’s get real, that is not going to happen. That would be the equivalent of being a princess locked in a tower expecting the handsome prince to cross the moat and scale the walls to free you from the castle tower.
Let’s bring you back into the modern world, here are:
7 Ways That Being A Cynical Person Is Keeping You Single
A Cynical Person is Closed Off To New Experiences
As a cynic, you’ll be less likely to meet new people because you’re not open to new experiences. Meeting new people is essential in the dating process and sometimes just breaking out of your routine is required.
When you’re cynical you find yourself saying “No” to new experiences.
Why go to that party if you’re not going to meet anyone worth talking to? You better avoid online dating and dating apps. They’re full of fake people and scammers. It’s better to just stay home and binge another TV show, that way if you’re disappointed with the show you can stop watching at any time and find something else to catch your interest.
It’s been long said that if you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done. If lasting love has eluded you thus far, staying open to new experiences is essential.
It will take effort to break out of your old pattern. The key is to take a risk but keep your expectations simple. You’re not going to meet your soulmate the first week you download Bumble. It’s going to take a little time, and you’re going to need to upgrade your dating strategies.
But if you don’t want to spend your life as a cynical person who is lonely and alone, then the effort will be worth it.
A Cynical Person Is Jaded Against The Opposite Sex
Do you ever find yourself making blanket statements about men as if all men were basically the same? Maybe you spend time with your friends sharing your dating horror stories, convincing each other that it is all just a waste of time.
A cynical person is suspicious and jaded against the opposite sex. If you think that all men will cheat, or all the good ones are taken, or that men only want sex – you’ll create a self-fulfilling prophecy that will keep you single.
Don’t judge all men just because you’ve met a few crappy ones. A good man is not a unicorn so stop expecting that you have to meet a mythical creature in order to find love. Focus on the positive qualities that the men you meet have. Realize that most men don’t have a dating coach and are using dating strategies they learned when they were just boys.
This doesn’t mean that you excuse bad behavior or give a stranger the benefit of the doubt. It means that you approach dating with an open heart and an open mind, curious to meet a new person. Keep your expectations in check and allow yourself to get to know this new person.
As you age it makes sense that the shiny finish of idealism will wear off, or crack. Don’t put your heart on the line with every Tom, Dick, or Harry that comes by. Instead, it is important that you utilize discernment to decide whether or not to be open, rather than being suspicious of the entire male gender over the age of 14.
A Cynical Person Can Never Be Satisfied
When it comes to romantic love you want to feel that deep connection to another person. The cynic is incapable of this experience because they can never be satisfied.
If you have a list of criteria that no man can attain, then you will meet no men worth dating. Finding fault with every person you go out with is an excellent strategy for never having to risk your heart.
Just because a man hasn’t read the same personal growth books as you, or isn’t interested in yoga, doesn’t mean that he’s not a good man looking to improve himself. You aren’t looking for a male version of yourself to date, nor are you looking for a man who embodies some unattainable list you’ve created.
You’re looking for a man who you are attracted to who shares your values. A man who is willing to do what it takes to make a relationship work. There are plenty of men who fit this description. Letting your guard down so you can meet them is essential.
Plus, a man who is interested in a relationship with you will want to you be pleased and happy with him. If you can’t be satisfied, then no man will ever satisfy you.
A Cynical Person Is Focused On What She Doesn’t Want
You can’t create the opposite of what you don’t want. Manifesting 101 teaches that you have to get clear on what you really want and what inspires you.
If you are feeling cynical about love it will be difficult to know what inspires you.
Knowing what you don’t want keeps your focus on the negative and will only draw in more of what you dislike. Certainly, you want to avoid dating addicts or narcissists and probably should know the warning signs if this is an issue for you.
By putting your focus on the type of men you want to avoid allows you to only see what you do not want. Your subconscious mind is really good at recognizing and avoiding danger. You are wired this way for your survival.
If you wish to thrive in life, you cannot keep your focus on what you wish to avoid. Think about the people you know who are always focused on the negative. Are they happy? Are they successful?
Success in life and in love requires that you focus on what inspires you and on what brings you joy.
A Cynical Person Pushes Away Positive People And Positive Experiences
Openness and curiosity are attractive qualities. When you are feeling cynical you aren’t open or curious. Instead, you’re stuck in judgment and coming across as a skeptical person.
You can’t enjoy yourself when you are stuck in judgment. And you’re certainly not very fun to be around.
The truth is all judgment is self-judgment. And when you are cynical about love, you’re really judging your inability to make love last.
Open to compassion for yourself and the fact that you’ve had disappointments in love. Allow yourself to grieve the past and learn to let it go. Using your past disappointments as proof that love isn’t in the cards for you will create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Embrace a little positivity. Look for the good that exists around you. Put your focus on couples who are happy so that you can rekindle your hope. Allow their love be proof for you that love is possible for you too.
A Cynical Person Isn’t Able To Be Sincere
Sarcasm is the language of cynics – and sincerity is the language of lovers.
Sarcasm and joking allows you to speak your truth while hiding under the cover of a “joke” when your truth is rejected.
Intimacy requires sincerity and authenticity. That is how you connect to another human being. When you are being sarcastic, you cannot connect with others. You won’t feel seen or understood. Instead, you’ll set yourself apart from others and feel even more disconnected.
In order to feel seen, understood, and ultimately accepted by another person you’ll need to speak your authentic truth. When you are authentic and that person responds in kind then you’ve created true connection. This is the real intimacy that the romantic in you desires, and there is no better feeling in this life.
A Cynical Person Is Trying To Protect Her Heart
Ultimately cynicism is a strategy for protecting yourself from further hurt. You’re attempting to cover your disappointment that things haven’t worked out the way you wanted them to. And while your heart may be protected from feeling any further disappointment, you are also preventing yourself from experiencing love and connection with another person.
Love requires that you open your heart and take a risk. You may experience more disappointments on your journey to love, but these are temporary. Just because it hasn’t worked out for you doesn’t mean that you are broken or that love isn’t meant to be for you. It just means that you need a new approach to love.
You can’t protect yourself from disappointment, but you can set yourself up for success. If you are interested in exploring a new way to create the love you want, then join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Call. We’ll share how you can approach love with a whole new strategy that actually has proven results.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.