Not being able to keep your hands off each other can certainly leave you feeling breathless. Just the thought of seeing him again has those [...]
The Golden Nugget Of Learning™: 4 Steps To Getting Over Heartbreak And Learning To Love Again
11 / 17 / 2019
When your heart is broken it can feel like time is standing still. Every excruciating minute seems like an eternity. Getting over heartbreak can feel like the hardest thing you will ever do.
It can feel like your heartbreak will never end, but we guarantee you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will discover how to love more deeply than ever before.
When your heart breaks, it breaks open to receive more love. So take time to go through the heartbreak to discover the gold on the other side.
Time is your best friend when you’re getting over heartbreak, however, there are steps you can take to accelerate your healing.
Here is the Golden Nugget Of Learning™: 4 Steps For Getting Over Heartbreak And Learning To Love Again.
Step One: Feel Your Feelings, All Of Them.
As difficult as it may be, feeling all of your feelings is the key to getting to the other side of heartbreak. There is no shortcut to skirt around your bad feelings, so resist the urge to ignore them, soldier through, numb out, or eat them up with a bowl of ice cream.
This is the sucky part that most people try to avoid. It’s true you are spirit in a physical body, and for some people, heartbreak feels just like physical pain. Grant yourself the time necessary to heal just as if you have a broken limb. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion through the healing process.
Whether you feel sadness, hurt, shame, guilt, anger, or just an overwhelming sense of grief, feeling your feelings will allow them to flow through you. Feelings are not static – they are energetic and temporary.
When you allow yourself to feel your feelings, you cause the emotion to crest and flow through you like an ocean wave with an ebb and flow. This allows space to be created for another emotion to enter your body.
Allow yourself to feel ALL of your feelings no matter what they are. Indulge in feeling badly as best you can. Talk about your feelings to all your friends, family, and co-workers that will listen. (For introverts this may seem frightening, so please continue reading for our complete process to give yourself a chance to heal and move on quickly.)
Schedule time to just sit and feel your feelings. Put on sad songs, or a sad movie, and cry your eyes out. It might feel like it will never end, but the only way out of your current state is to go through it.
Step Two: Do Not Rush To Forgiveness.
It may seem odd that this step is here as something to not do, however, so many people rush to forgiveness as if it’s the express lane to feeling better.
When you rush to forgiveness you ignore the feelings of hurt and anger that come with the end of a relationship. There is nothing wrong with your bad feelings. Feeling them does not make you a bad person, actually your emotional experience is part of your human experience.
Don’t bypass your negative emotions by rushing to forgiveness. You don’t receive brownie points by getting over heartbreak faster than anyone else.
Allow yourself to think and feel whatever comes up about your ex. Thinking evil thoughts does not make you an evil person. This doesn’t mean that you should act on these thoughts. There is nothing wrong with entertaining your thoughts and then let them go.
It is best to cut off any communication with your ex (unless you have children or business together). Stalking your ex on social media or trying to be friends with him will only keep the wound open and prevent it from healing.
Forgiveness can only come into play once you’ve truly mourned, grieved, and given up the hope that he’s coming back. There’s no time limit on grief, it may sneak up on you at any time or place. Your healing is not on a linear path so be okay with the fits and starts, the 2 steps forward 1 step back, and think of it as dancing with yourself to create a new relationship with the most important person – YOU!
Step Three: Kill The Hope.
Stop fantasizing about a miracle scenario where you wake up from this awful nightmare. Getting over heartbreak requires you to release the hope that he will change.
Hope is the first thing that enters a relationship and the last thing to leave. As painful as it may seem, killing the hope that things will be different is one of the most powerful steps you can take.
As long as there is hope, you will settle for crumbs in your life. You will see any positive interaction with your ex as a signal that maybe, just maybe, the two of you will get back together.
Holding onto hope will block love from entering your heart from someone else. There is no space for new love when you are still hoping the old one will return.
He is not a unicorn. Believing that he is the only one you will ever love or who will ever love you is a false belief. Love is limitless and has limitless expressions. The lasting love you desire is available to you but only if you truly let him go.
When you are ready, kill the hope that he will ever be your soulmate. This step will open your heart to creating the lasting love you desire with someone new who is better suited for you.
Step Four: Discover The Golden Nugget That Will Set You Free.
Our dear friend and motivational speaker Les Brown says, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
We believe that everything is happening for you (not to you). Events occur to move you toward your highest and best self. So this person who has broken your heart showed up for a reason.
You had a relationship with this person in order to grow from the experience so you can become better to then connect with your beloved.
When you’re ready to let him go for good write him a letter of gratitude that you will never send.
This letter is for you not for him, so as tempting as it may be to send it – DON’T! It may take a few passes to get this letter written and that’s okay. You can start off simply free-form journaling to prime the pump.
The exercise of writing this letter is to bring into crystal clear focus The Golden Nugget Of Learning™.
It had to be this specific person to teach you something about yourself or to highlight where you still have room for improvement.
When you are done writing the letter, put it aside for a couple of days. Then come back to the letter and see if there are any edits you would like to make to it. When you feel it is complete implement this ritual:
- Read the letter out loud.
- Say out loud “I release this for the highest good of all.”
- Then burn the letter.
You can burn it in your fireplace, outside in a fire pit, or even in your kitchen sink. As it burns feel yourself freeing yourself from your old relationship. Imagine that you are moving closer to the highest and best version of you for having been through this experience.
Once you’ve released your ex through this Golden Nugget Exercise take some time to celebrate your independence and freedom. Dedicate some of the time you would’ve spent with your ex to do things for yourself. Maybe sign up for a class at your local community college, learn a new language, or a new skill. Do something just for you and splurge – you deserve it!
If you have trouble writing out a letter of gratitude to your ex join us for a Soulmate Strategy Session. This complimentary phone call will give us some time to assist you in coming up with The Golden Nugget Of Learning™ so you can be free to create the soul-satisfying, long-lasting love you desire.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.