25 Limiting Beliefs That Interfere With Finding True Love (Plus How To Turn Them Around)
Dating is hard. Love doesn’t last. True love is just a fantasy. Whatever your limiting beliefs about love and relationship are, they are interfering in your search for lasting love.
Your limiting beliefs get in the way of you staying positive and motivated about love and dating. They cause you to take self-sabotaging actions and to work against yourself. Ultimately, they leave you feeling hopeless and frustrated about the possibility of ever finding “The One.”
The truth about love is that it is always available to you. Love can be easy while at the same time requiring effort to make it last. Creating lasting love with your soulmate can be one of the most satisfying and fulfilling accomplishments in your life.
One of the most insidious limiting beliefs about love is that it is magical and mysterious. The belief that love just happens, or doesn’t happen, can leave you feeling powerless to a fate that is beyond your control and your free will.
Love is not mysterious. Creating a lasting loving partnership works the same way as accomplishing any goal you may have. First you create a vision of what you want. Then you work to develop the skills you need to achieve your vision. And finally, you take action towards your goal.
If you have beliefs that do not serve your desires, then you have limiting beliefs that are blocking you from creating your vision of love. These insidious limiting beliefs make it seem impossible or improbable that you will ever find the true love you desire.
In order to reclaim your power, you’ll want to first identify your limiting beliefs about love and dating, then you can begin the process of changing them.
25 Limiting Beliefs That Interfere With Finding True Love
(feel free to add your unique limiting beliefs to this list)
- I’m not worthy of love
- I will be abandoned/left behind
- I have to sacrifice for love
- I can’t trust my partner
- I just need to find the “right” person
- Love will be easy with the “right” person
- There is no one to date where I live
- I’m too old for love
- Only lucky people find love
- Love isn’t meant to be for me
- I’m too ________ to be loved
- I’m too needy for love
- I have to sacrifice my freedom to get love
- I can’t get what I want
- The problem is men/women
- I’m only attracted to unavailable partners
- I’ll never find The One
- I’m afraid of being rejected
- I’m too picky
- No one understands me/likes me
- I’m hopeless and can’t find love
- I’m too broken for love
- I’m afraid of being co-dependent
- I’ll never meet anyone who lives up to my standards
- I’ll never get over my last love
Get In The Driver’s Seat Before You Can Drive The Car
It’s impossible to change a problem you cannot identify. Your struggles to create lasting love won’t just magically disappear when you meet a mythical “right” person. Your desire for love must be stronger than your attachment to your beliefs. Making an effort to identify your limiting beliefs allows you to be in the driver’s seat to change them.
Just like getting into the driver’s seat of a car, you haven’t driven anywhere yet. The seat of awareness is the same thing. It puts you in the driver’s seat to create the changes you desire.
Now that you’ve identified your list of limiting beliefs, you’ve put yourself in the driver’s seat to make changes.
Rev your engines and get ready to go…
Beliefs Come From Your Past Experiences
Your core beliefs about love were formed in your early childhood. The experiences you’ve had with love as an adult have added color to those beliefs, but it’s your interpretation and meaning you assigned to the events in your family of origin that established the foundation of how you view romantic relationships.
Just like you learned to walk and talk in your family of origin, you also learned about love and relationships.
You could say that your beliefs shape your experiences. For example, if you believe that you are not worthy of love you will find yourself attracted to people who don’t value you. You will also reject love from someone who thinks you’re amazing as it will not fit with your internal narrative of what you believe to be true about you.
Ultimately, it is your emotional attachment to those childhood beliefs that keeps you stuck in the cyclical pattern. You don’t have the ability to change the events of the past, but it’s possible to change the meaning that you assigned to them.
Changing the meaning of your past experiences will help you feel hopeful and resourceful about love and dating.
Your Past Doesn’t Equal Your Future
If you look toward your past for clues to what your future will bring, you run the risk of repeating the past over and over again. Just because you dated someone who cheated on you, doesn’t mean that you are destined to only date cheaters in the future.
You have the ability to change your patterns and create a new future for yourself. Now that you’ve identified your patterns from the past, commit to making changes to your beliefs by acting as if your new beliefs are true. By taking actions that are in alignment with your new helpful beliefs you have the ability to create the love-life you desire.
Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs
When you notice one of your limiting beliefs showing up, don’t just allow it to rule your life. Challenge it. Question it. Affirm what you want to believe instead.
Whether or not you believe in affirmations, you are affirming your reality all day long with your inner dialog. If you say to yourself, “I’m so stupid. I can’t do anything right.” Or you say, “Love comes to me easily and effortlessly;” you’ll discover that your experiences reflect your inner dialog and your beliefs.
When you notice yourself affirming one of your limiting beliefs, say to yourself, “Cancel, cancel, cancel.” And then replace that thought with a more empowering one of your choosing.
Affirm your new belief by repeating it to yourself as you’re doing any mundane task. When you are working out, doing the dishes, or cleaning your home, repeat a simple phrase like, “I am loved, approved, and accepted.” By linking your affirmation to a daily activity, you’ll anchor it into your subconscious and begin to habitually say it every time you do the task.
Look For Evidence Of Love All Around You
Your brain will automatically find evidence of your limiting beliefs.
In order to change your beliefs, you have to consciously look for evidence of what you want to create. If you believe that you are not attractive enough to be loved, take notice of couples of all shapes and sizes when you are out in the world.
Say to yourself, “See, if they can find love so can I.” Find proof in the world that there is a lid for every pot.
You can find evidence of anything you want to believe about yourself. Consciously make an effort to notice and celebrate when others in the world find love and remind yourself that it is possible for you too.
Focus On What Inspires You, Not What You Fear
Are you focused on avoiding cheaters or making sure that you won’t feel rejected? When you put your focus on what you fear, you highlight those situations in your mind. In a sense, you are telling yourself to notice situations where the fear may be realized in order to avoid it.
This brings more experiences of what you do not want. By focusing on your fears you are helping to recreate them.
Instead, put your focus on what inspires you. This doesn’t mean that you should suddenly become delusional and avoid obvious red flags in potential dates. What it means is that you become focused on your vision of the love you desire.
Having a positive and inspiring vision of love will help keep you motivated when you experience setbacks on your journey. Bumps on the road are normal and to be expected. You don’t want those bumps to derail you from your journey.
Judgment Is At The Root Of Your Limiting Beliefs
When you drill down to the root of all of these limiting beliefs, you’ll discover that judgment is at the root of all them. They are all examples of either self-judgment or judgment of others.
Judgment is the biggest block to creating lasting love. Judging yourself or someone else creates disconnection. You can’t feel connected to another person when you are either disconnected from yourself or from them.
Love is all about creating connection. Notice how your voice of judgment gets in the way of you feeling connected to others. It is not the fault of the outside world that you feel disconnected. That disconnection lives inside of you.
Creating connection is natural and necessary for everyone. It is what your soul craves.
Compassion Is The Key To Releasing Judgment
Stepping into compassion allows you to release judgment and extend grace to yourself and to others. It is your flaws that ultimately make you lovable. You love someone for their imperfections, it’s their uniqueness that makes them stand out from the crowd.
You will never be perfect, nor will you ever find a perfect partner. You will create love with someone who is perfect for you. This person will love the weird quirks and idiosyncrasies that others found fault with.
Loving yourself will open up the ability to receive love from someone else. So many people chase rejection because that is what they feel inside. You don’t have to prove your lovability. You are lovable just as you are.
Take Small Steps To Create A Large Change
You won’t be able to change everything about yourself all at once. That is the reason most people fail at their New Year’s resolutions. They try to change everything all at once and set themselves up for disappointment.
Set yourself up for success by taking small steps daily. Choose one limiting belief to change and focus on it until it no longer seems true to you. Then choose another belief to change. Chip away at them as if each one is a different muscle you’re developing.
By taking these small steps on a regular basis you’ll quickly discover that you’ve made major changes to your life in just a few short months.
If you are looking for more specific help on how to change your limiting beliefs about love and dating, join us for a Soulmate Strategy Session. During this complimentary call, we’ll share the most effective way for you to transform your love patterns.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.