If You’re Dating After Being Single For A Long Time, You Need To Know These 11 Things

Do you feel anxious about dating after being single for a long time? Being out of the dating game can certainly cause your confidence to take a hit. Maybe you’re unsure where to begin, which dating app is best, or wondering if you’re truly ready to put yourself out there again. You can make dating fun and effective with the right mindset and purposeful action.

Dating when you are in your 20’s and even into your early 30’s is much different than dating after you’ve been single for a long time. Back then you had a much larger social circle and probably spent more time hanging out with friends than you do now. Making connections was easier, and you had more opportunities to meet other singles.

Now that you’re seeking a new relationship it’s best to update your dating strategies so that you don’t burn out and lose your motivation.

11 Ways To Upgrade Your Dating After Being Single For A Long Time

  1. Update Your Dating Strategies

It’s easy to date when you’re young. You have a large social circle. Most people your age are single and it’s easy to meet new people who are single too. When you meet someone with a mutual interest, you can easily get into a new relationship.

Dating when you’re young is intuitive and instinctual. You don’t have too many other obligations that get in the way like a busy career, or children to care for.

Dating after being single for a long time comes down to being intentional about what you want. If your goal is to get married you’ll want to make sure that you’re being effective in creating a dating rotation.

Most importantly embrace Slow Love so don’t rush to exclusivity. Create a clear vision of your ideal relationship before you begin. It’s best to be intentional in your search for long-lasting love.

  1. Your Online Dating Profile Is Your Marketing Materials

Most people put too much importance on a prospective date’s online profile, while not putting enough attention on their own. They quickly create a profile like they’re donating blood — go in get it done and don’t think about it again, and never update it, make changes, or look to improve it.

Your profile is marketing materials and if it isn’t getting the results you want, make changes to it. If it isn’t bringing you quality matches then make sure you have recent photos where you’re smiling and looking directly into the camera (no selfies).

Be sure to include a headshot from the shoulders up, as well as a full body shot. It may sound cliché; however, facts show that men swipe right for a woman wearing red more than another color. If not red, then any bright jewel tone will make your photo stand out.

Regularly update your profile so that the dating site sees you as an active user and keeps you at the top of recommended matches. It’s like shuffling your profile to the top of the deck.

Thinking about your profile as marketing material means you’re advertising yourself to potential matches. It’s not personal, it’s simply important for you to show up in a way that attracts the right kind of match and turns off those who aren’t a match for you.

  1. Don’t Look For Your Soulmate In A Profile

Too many people make the mistake of deselecting anyone who doesn’t fit exactly what they have in mind.

When you return to dating after being single for a long time, you can waste a lot of valuable time scouring through profiles attempting to find one that’s a perfect match.

Stop looking for your soulmate in a profile! Instead, look for someone to have a cup of coffee with. It’s like shopping online — you may put a bunch of dresses in the shopping cart before pairing them down to make your purchase.

Sending a wink, a smile, a note, or swiping right is not a lifelong commitment and isn’t something you should agonize over. These actions equate to you putting them in your shopping cart before you buy. There’s no commitment. Send off a smile or swipe right and don’t think about them again.

Online dating is a numbers game. The more people you contact and go on dates with, the more chance you have of meeting someone who you can create lasting love with. Plus, every person you meet knows other people you have not met yet.

  1. Don’t Get Attached Before You Even Meet

There are countless stories of people who are scammed from someone they met online. The easiest way to avoid this is to not invest emotionally in someone you’ve never met in person. Never send money to a stranger is an easy rule to stick to, however, it’s just as important that you don’t invest your heart with someone you’ve never met IRL.

Never allow yourself to get attached to someone who writes interesting emails and is easy to talk to on the phone. Wait until you meet face-to-face and go on several dates before you even think about what a future would be like with them.

Nothing is real until you meet in person. When chemistry is present it’s easy to get excited when you discover an interesting person especially when you’re dating after being single for a long time.

  1. Take Your Time Through The Dating Process

This may seem counterintuitive, but you’ll get better results if you date slowly, take your time before jumping into a commitment, and get to know each other for several months before exclusivity. You’re worth loving and that means you’re also worth the wait.

Many people jump into a commitment ASAP and date for 3-9 months before figuring out they’re not an ideal match or isn’t the kind of person they had hoped for. If you keep committing too early you’ll waste time in short-term relationships and continue spinning your wheels instead of finding the person you can share your life with.

Chemistry is only one ingredient in the lasting love pie. You need chemistry, but chemistry alone won’t sustain a relationship.

Take your time when dating after being single for a long time. Discover who someone is and what they value. Don’t rush to exclusivity only to discover that you aren’t on the same page down the road.

  1. Have A Dating Rotation

Dating multiple people is the way to move through the dating process when you’re dating after being single for a long time.

This forces you to take things slowly, meet more potential matches, and put off investing too much emotionally in one guy before he’s proven worthy of your heart. This will also speed up reaching your goal of finding an ideal match.

Dating multiple people at once allows you to discover about yourself through the dating process. You can compare your feelings and your behavior from one situation to the next so you can see what’s really serving you in your choices and what’s an internal block to the lasting love you desire.

Someone who really wants a relationship with you will be willing to wait for you.

  1. Use Your Dates To Discover More About Yourself

If you truly want to find lasting love then grow your relationship skills. Dating is a great way to discover more about yourself, the limiting beliefs that have been holding you back, and the strategies you’ve developed over the years.

When dating after being single for a long time you can utilize dating as your own personal growth workshop. See how you’ve grown since your past relationship experiences. See if you’ve improved your communication skills, and practice speaking up while dating when there isn’t a lot of risk involved.

You’re probably not even aware of how you’re getting in your own way and blocking yourself from the love you want. Since you’re now dating after being single for a long time, use this time to learn about your strategies for giving and receiving love while also developing new communication and relationship skills.

These skills are the foundation for creating long-lasting love with an ideal partner. Remember, sex is instinctual, but the skills for healthy relationships are learned. Don’t just rely on your instincts.

  1. Don’t Iron Out Conflicts

How you and your partner handle conflict is one of the most important things to identify while dating. Before you commit to spending your life with someone, you’ll want to know if the two of you can overcome conflict.

Discord is inevitable in your intimate relationships. If you’re dating after being single for a long time, you don’t want to have an unrealistic expectation that you’ll find someone you never argue with. You’ll never meet a human being you never have any conflict or problems with.

Life is full of challenges. Having someone by your side to navigate those challenges together is one of the benefits of being in a relationship. Don’t iron out conflicts because you’re afraid you’ll scare them away.

Instead, use conflict to learn more about each other. How someone responds to a disagreement tells you a lot about whether the two of you can go the distance.

  1. Don’t Excuse Bad Behavior

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when you’re dating after being single for a long time is to ignore red flags when you’re attracted to someone. Giving the benefit of the doubt to someone you barely know can burn you and leave you feeling like there are no good people left in the world.

Don’t make excuses when they treat a waiter badly or when they criticize you or your behavior. People tell you who they are by their behavior. Believe them.

If they don’t treat you well early on it won’t ever just magically get better. You deserve a partner who is willing to take responsibility for their behavior and treats you with kindness and respect.

  1. Ask For What You Want And Share How You Feel

Emotional authenticity is the quickest way to create emotional intimacy. Don’t expect your date to be a mind reader. Share how you feel — both positively and negatively.

Because you’re dating after being single for a long time you may feel a bit rusty sharing how you feel. Don’t shy away from speaking up and making requests. You may discover that the person you are seeing is more than willing to give you what you desire.

There’s always a risk involved in giving your heart to someone. The rewards are great when you select an ideal mate. By being your authentic self you’ll know that you are loved for who you really are.

  1. Choose To Be Optimistic And Kind

Judgment and cynicism are your biggest enemies to lasting love. Dating after being single for a long time can be scary, and the best action you can take is to choose to be optimistic and kind.

Resist the urge to share any mishaps or dating horror stories. Focusing on people who are flaky, too aggressive, or clearly not who they say they are in their profile will only dampen your enthusiasm.

Beware of becoming judgmental or letting your negative experiences make you cynical. Cynicism and judgment are your biggest blocks to the lasting love you crave. Keep your heart and mind open and curious. Move on quickly from people who aren’t ready to match your positive energy.

Put your focus on the positive. And, instead of looking for a romantic fantasy of love at first sight, allow the connection to grow over time.

Love is available to you no matter how long of a break you take from dating. It’s never too late to meet the love of your life. Approaching dating purposefully and focusing on your bigger goals will make the journey a joyful one.

Love doesn’t have to be hard nor do you have to struggle along the way. Knowing how to recognize a good match for you and what to do when you meet them, gives you the confidence to begin the journey. Join us for a Soulmate Strategy Session and we’ll help you get to the root of your struggles and put you on the path to long-lasting love you’re looking for.

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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