5 Hacks To Rewire Your Brain So You Stop Blocking Love From Your Life
It can be so frustrating when lasting love feels elusive like someone or something is blocking love from you. Like the universe is telling you that you’re not supposed to have love this time around; as if there is some invisible force micromanaging your life making sure that YOU don’t get love.
While it’s unlikely that karma or fate are blocking love, your strategies for giving and receiving love probably are.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”- Rumi
This Rumi quote is one of our favorite quotes about love because it’s spells out so simply what is truly blocking you if you’re not experiencing the love you desire.
You learned all about love in your family of origin. The way love is expressed (or the lack of expression), the strategies utilized by your family members to feel love, approval, and acceptance are all part of the equation. And just like everything else you learn at that age it’s a “Monkey See – Monkey Do” scenario at play.
Unfortunately, most people don’t ever consciously upgrade those behaviors, beliefs, or strategies.
Don’t let that little kid’s understanding of love be the reason that you continue to struggle. Instead, it’s time for a love upgrade!
5 Hacks To Rewire Your Brain So You Stop Blocking Love From Your Life
Go On An Inner Child Date™
The little child inside of you can be constantly sabotaging your attempts to create lasting love because you’re not paying enough attention to her needs and wants.
No one receives love exactly how they desire to feel loved. That gap between what you desire and how love was given to you creates a wound inside of you.
How do you know that your inner child is blocking love from you?
- You sabotage good relationships
- You seek validation for your feelings from others
- You don’t trust your intuition
- You abandon your needs and wants
- You select a similar mismatch for a relationship over and over again
It’s time to rewire your relationship with your inner child so that she trusts you again.
The quickest hack is to start going on Inner Child Dates™ so that you can transform your relationship with her (and therefore yourself).
This assignment seems to get the most resistance from our clients. They don’t want help with their luggage in and out of the overhead bin or help putting their coat on after a manicure.
We’re are often dumb-founded by the reasons our clients come up with for why they can’t simply receive a compliment, help, or even verbal support.
Human beings are meant to live in communities – that means we rely on one another. No one thrives in life alone.
Saying, “Yes!” to all the offers of support and help that are offered to you now, will be great practice for receiving from the man you would like to have in your life.
Receive compliments from strangers by saying “Thank You!” (resist the urge to reciprocate). Allow someone to get your door or carry your bags. Say yes to an offer of help.
If you want to remove what is blocking love from you, open up to receive and receive it all!
Make Fear Your Friend
Fear is probably blocking love from you more than you can imagine.
We are referring to emotional fears only. If there is a risk of physical danger, then fear is present for your survival, however, emotional fears are nothing more than paper tigers.
Emotional fear is a force field that surrounds the path to your highest and best self.
If you’ve never experienced what you desire then what you want is unfamiliar. Growing towards the love you desire means you must step towards that fear, not away from it.
Stepping towards the unfamiliar and through the force field of fear won’t kill you. In fact, you won’t experience any physical harm whatsoever. You won’t bleed. You won’t need to go to the hospital or require a bandage.
A friend is someone you’re happy to see, not something you’re looking to avoid. By making fear your friend you are ensuring your own personal transformation.
Fear is only blocking love from you if you let it. Breaking free of the status quo may feel scary and uncomfortable however, comfort is overrated.
Stepping towards your fear takes courage and commitment. Take an action that says, “I count and I matter. My needs and desires are worth fighting for.” When you take this action and step toward what you’re afraid of your energy will free up and every part of your life will begin to change.
Laugh Your Troubles Away
You are blocking love when you focus on negative events. Don’t get trapped by repeatedly re-living bad things that have happened.
Instead, you can rewire your brain through a simple but effective laughter exercise.
Re-tell the details of a hurtful event and laugh while doing it. This will rewire the emotional response to the event.
This technique will lighten your spirits and rewire your emotional response to those painful events you’ve experienced.
Emotions trigger chemicals in your brain that flood the body and faking an emotion has the exact same effect. Yes, really!
It can be difficult to imagine yourself laughing about something serious or traumatic, however, fake laughing will give you all the benefits of real laughter so get ready to fake it until you make it!
There are 3 sounds that make up laughter: Ho, Ha, and He. Vocalizing them 3 at a time will give you an easy way to start. Place your hands on your lower belly, take a deep breath, and then begin to fake laugh:
Ha Ha Ha!
Ho Ho Ho!
He He He!
After a few moments, you’ll find that you will actually be laughing. Laughter is infectious and contagious. Once you have a good laugh going re-tell the upsetting story of what happened out-loud while laughing hysterically.
It may take some getting used to (just like learning to do anything) but practice makes perfect. Asking a friend to help makes this exercise easier and more fun.
Tell your wounding stories like they are the most hilarious events you can think of. Be sure to have your friend laugh with you and we promise that those events will no longer haunt you or be blocking love from you.
Want to stop blocking love for good? Find gratitude.
A gratitude practice is the number one way to rewire your brain for love. Gratitude keeps you focused on finding love in your everyday life.
See if you can find the gratitude for your past relationships, including all the ones that really hurt you. Focusing on how experiences with your exes motivated you to grow and make changes in your life will help you find the gratitude in your break-ups.
Look for reasons to be grateful in your daily life by keeping a nightly gratitude journal. Write down five things you are grateful for at the end of the day and you’ll fall asleep with a smile on your face.
Happy, grateful people are more fun to be around and are generally more attractive to possible matches (nobody wants to spend a lot of time with someone who is negative or cynical).
It’s important to practice gratitude right before going to bed as you will take these suggestions into your sleep, your dreams, and integrate a feeling of gratitude into your subconscious mind.
The list can be different every night, or you can repeat some or all of the items. It’s entirely up to you. Feel free to include people, your pets, events, a characteristic of yours like your creativity or tenacity, material things like your car or home, or whatever you want to put on the list. The important thing is to turn this practice into a nightly ritual and to do it right before going to sleep.
Your old habits of thinking and outdated strategies are blocking love from you whether you are consciously aware of it or not. Just like gravity, you can’t see it, but its there keeping you from floating off into space.
Expressing gratitude for what you do have feeds your soul and creates space for more good to flow into your life.
These 5 hacks will rewire your brain for long-lasting love over time. If you would like to speed up the process schedule a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Call with us by clicking here.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.