Rebound Love? 7 Signs You’re In A Rebound Relationship And What To Do About It
Your heart was broken but you just met the next man or woman of your dreams. How do you know if this is a rebound relationship or if it could be the real thing? Rebound love is real and it can be just the thing to help you find the lasting love you’re looking for.
What is rebound love? It’s that feeling you get when you meet the perfect person to distract you from the pain of your break-up. It may seem like the two of you are meant to be, but when you look more closely, you see that the relationship isn’t something deep or meaningful. It’s just a passing fancy to keep your mind off your ex.
The problem with rebound love is that you are not emotionally ready for a relationship. Your heart is broken, and your emotions are raw. You are feeling vulnerable, and you could end up hurting yourself even more. You could also hurt the new person you’re dating.
Whether you are going through an ugly divorce, or you were blindsided by your ex initiating the break-up, meeting someone new right away can boost your self-confidence and keep you from spending your evenings lonely and alone.
But can a rebound relationship lead to real, lasting love?
If you take an honest look at what happened in your last relationship, what’s really going on in your new relationship, and what you want moving forward you can get the clarity you want.
Rebound Love vs. Potential New Love
Maybe you were clear that your ex wasn’t right for you, and it was time to move on. Just because you met your next partner right away doesn’t mean that you are in a rebound relationship. If you were the one who initiated the breakup then this new relationship may very well be with your beloved. You may still feel sad about the past relationship, and that is appropriate.
Moving on from a relationship that wasn’t right for you could be what you really needed to clear the way for your soulmate.
However, it’s different if your partner ended the relationship without your agreement that it wasn’t a good match. It’s one thing to come to a mutual understanding that the two of you are not a good fit. It’s entirely different when you don’t want the relationship to end, and you weren’t given a choice.
This is a recipe for rebound love where the rebound relationship is not what you were hoping it would be.
How Serious Was Your Last Relationship?
Were you married for 20 years and the two of you grew apart over time? Or did you find out via social media that your significant other wasn’t as significant as you hoped? The level of commitment and time invested in your past relationship, as well as who initiated the break up will influence whether you are now in a rebound relationship or one that could lead to lasting love.
When you are in a marriage that deteriorates over time and ends with the two of you married in name only, you probably have taken the time to emotionally move on. Many people are officially separated and just haven’t moved forward on the divorce, even though their hearts have moved on long ago.
If this is the case, you can likely move forward with your new love without the worry that it’s just a rebound relationship.
The same is true if your relationship with your ex hadn’t moved to a more serious stage yet. If it ended before the two of you really had a chance to become enmeshed in each other’s lives, then you probably aren’t in a rebound relationship either. You’re just moving on to your next relationship.
However, if you were heartbroken by your ex ending things, whether you were married or just dating for a short time, then you’ll want to take time before jumping back into dating and will certainly want to put off another committed relationship. After a heartbreak your heart is vulnerable, and you need time to grieve. Jumping into the sack with someone new may feel exciting at the moment, but you won’t be emotionally available for a relationship.
Don’t start a rebound relationship to feel better about yourself after a breakup. You aren’t helping yourself move forward, and you are out of your integrity with your new partner.
7 Signs You Are In A Rebound Relationship
You Are Afraid To Be Alone
If you are with someone just so that you don’t have to be alone with yourself and your feelings, then you are in a rebound relationship. Avoiding pain does not make it go away. Whether you use alcohol, sex, or any other distraction to avoid your pain, you are not actually helping yourself move forward to create the lasting love you really want.
You’re Still Hurting Over Your Ex
Are you constantly thinking about your ex and going over in your mind what went wrong and wondering why it’s over? Do you talk about your ex with your new love, sharing your hurt and frustration? These are signs that you are still grieving and shouldn’t be dating or in a relationship.
You Are Looking For A Savior
If you met someone new and they seem like the answer to your prayers, like suddenly all your problems are solved, then you are deep in rebound love. Hoping that any one person is going to be everything for you is an unrealistic expectation. No one is going to save you but yourself.
It Feels Oh So Exciting
It feels great to fall in love. Your body is flooded with all the feel-good chemicals, and everything seems new. Like you’ve never ever felt this level of euphoria before. Please note: If it is obsessive and knocks you off-balance then it probably isn’t something that will last. Watch out for being addicted to falling in love, and avoiding the boring and mundane aspects of a long-term relationship.
More Interested In The Idea Of The Person Than The Actual Person
Real love is about discovering a new person and getting to know them over time; it’s a process. You accept their flaws as much as their strengths. Rebound love doesn’t care so much about the person. It’s all about the fantasy.
It’s All About Sex
If the two of you don’t really talk to each other but you can’t wait to take each other’s clothes off, then you are definitely in a rebound relationship. It may be a lot of fun but it’s not going to develop into something deeper and you’ll still have to deal with your broken heart. On the other side of this temporary rebound relationship, you may even find you’re becoming bitter and cynical about love.
The Relationship Is Moving Lightning Fast
If your rebound relationship goes from 0 to 100 in just a few days, then you are probably reacting more to your breakup than you are to your new love. Healthy relationships take time to develop, and deeper commitments are earned. Real love that lasts doesn’t just magically happen between two strangers who are just getting to know each other over a few hours or days.
How To Go From A Rebound Relationship To Lasting Love
Most rebound relationships are not a long-term solution, but they can help you move forward on your path to lasting love. If you take an intentional path through your breakup, you can make sure that you don’t continue to repeat the same mistakes.
Be Honest With Yourself About Why You Are In A New Relationship
Don’t mistake rebound love for the real thing. Be clear why you are in a new relationship and who this new person really is. Beware of the desire to create a fantasy about them and the relationship. Also, avoid using your new love as your therapist and avoid talking about issues with your ex.
Be Honest With Your New Partner
Share where you are in the grieving process, but don’t do the grieving with them. Give this new person the respect they deserve. If you are really ready for new love, then move forward with an open heart. If you are still grieving, then keep them at a distance or take a break before moving forward.
If this new relationship has a chance to grow, there is no reason to rush things. Take it slowly and get to know each other. Don’t let chemistry drive things forward. Find out if you are a values match and have what it takes to survive long-term.
Use Your Breakup As An Opportunity To Grow
If you approach your breakup as an opportunity to discover what beliefs, behaviors, or strategies you have around love that aren’t serving you, then you can make adjustments and avoid repeating the past.
Lasting love with a beloved life partner is available to you no matter what happened in your past. You can avoid getting caught in rebound love by utilizing new strategies.
Evaluate your rebound relationship to discover what is driving you. Bringing your conscious awareness to the choices you’re making allows you to learn from your past mistakes.
It takes time to heal your heart so that you can be open to love again. Choose to be kind, compassionate, and loving with yourself through the healing process.
If you would like to avoid getting caught by rebound love that doesn’t last, download our special report, “7 Steps To Soulmating™.” You’ll receive our top dating strategies that have helped thousands to change their love patterns and finally create their soulmate relationship.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.