Rebound Love? 7 Signs You’re In A Rebound Relationship And What To Do About It

Rebound relationships often get a bad rap. New relationships are exciting, but can a rebound relationship turn into something long-lasting? A rebound relationship can be a salve for your broken heart or might be just the thing you need to find the lasting love you’ve been looking for.

Rebound love is a relationship that’s not love at all. Love takes time and a rebound relationship is when you start a new relationship before you’re even over the last one.

Rebound love is when you’re deluding yourself after you meet someone new to distract you from the pain of your breakup. Your new crush may have you fantasizing the two of you are meant to be, but rather quickly you’ll see that the relationship isn’t the meaningful connection you’d hoped for. It’s just a passing fancy to keep your mind off your ex.

The problem with rebound love is that you aren’t emotionally ready for real lasting love. Your heart is broken and your emotions are raw. You’re feeling vulnerable and not making the best decisions for your emotional well-being. If you’re not careful you could end up hurting your self-esteem even more. You could also hurt the new person you’re dating.

Whether you’re going through a divorce or blindsided by a breakup, the appeal of a rebound love relationship is that it can boost your self-confidence and keep you from spending your evenings lonely and alone.

But can a rebound relationship lead to real, lasting love?

If you take an honest look at what happened in your last relationship, what’s really going on in your new relationship, and are clear on your desires moving forward then the possibility of a lasting relationship can begin as a rebound relationship.

Rebound Love vs. Potential Lasting Love

How do you know if your rebound relationship has the potential to last? It depends on how you responded to the end of your most recent relationship.

If you’re clear that your ex wasn’t right for you and it was time to move on your new relationship may have staying power, especially if you’ve been mindful to select them differently from past relationships.

Also, if you initiated the breakup it’s possible this new relationship could be “The One.” Moving on from a relationship that wasn’t right for you could be the catalyst that cleared the way to your soulmate.

However, it’s different if your last partner initiated the breakup. It’s one thing to come to a mutual understanding that the two of you were not a good fit, however, it’s entirely different if you didn’t want the relationship to end, and you weren’t given a choice.

With the latter, rushing into a new relationship may give you a temporary boost to your confidence, but until you heal your heart from the breakup you’re not emotionally available for someone new.

If the rebound relationship is delaying your healing and distracting you from your heartache it likely isn’t an opportunity for a lasting connection.

How Serious Was Your Last Relationship?

Were you married for 20 years and the two of you grew apart over time? Or did you find out via social media that your significant other wasn’t as significant as you hoped? The level of commitment and time invested in your past relationship, as well as who initiated the breakup influences whether you’re now in a rebound relationship or one that could lead to lasting love.

When you’re in a marriage that deteriorates over time and ends with the two of you married in name only, you’ve probably taken the time to emotionally move on. Many people are officially separated and just haven’t moved forward to a divorce even though their hearts have moved on long ago.

If this is the case, you can likely move forward with your new love without the worry that it’s just a rebound relationship.

The same is true if your relationship with your ex hadn’t moved to a more serious stage yet. If it ended before the two of you really had a chance to become enmeshed in each other’s lives, then you probably aren’t in a rebound relationship either. You’re just moving on to your next relationship.

However, if you were heartbroken by your ex ending the relationship, whether you were married or just dating for a short duration, then you’ll want to take time to acclimate to your single life before jumping back into dating or another committed relationship.

After a breakup it’s appropriate to feel vulnerable and you’ll need time to grieve. Rushing into a new relationship with someone new may exhilarating in the moment, but it’s not a recipe for lasting love.

Don’t start a rebound relationship to feel better after a breakup. You aren’t helping yourself to move forward, and you’re out of integrity with your new partner.

7 Signs You’re In A Rebound Relationship

  1. You’re Afraid To Be Alone

If you’re with someone just so that you don’t have to be alone with your feelings, then you’re in a rebound relationship. Avoiding heartache does not make it go away. Whether you use alcohol, sex, or any other distraction to avoid your pain, you aren’t helping yourself heal your heart so you can move on and put the past behind you.

  1. You’re Still Hurting Over Your Ex

Are you constantly thinking about your ex and going over in your mind what went wrong and wondering why it’s over? Do you talk about your ex with your new love, sharing your hurt and frustration? These are signs that you’re still grieving and shouldn’t be dating or in a relationship.

  1. You’re Looking For A Savior

If you met someone new and they seem like the answer to your prayers, like suddenly all your problems are solved, then you’re in a rebound love relationship. Hoping that any one person is going to be everything for you is an unrealistic expectation. No one is going to save you but yourself.

  1. It Feels Oh So Exciting

It feels great to fall in love. Your body is flooded with feel-good chemicals, and everything seems new. Like you’ve never felt this level of euphoria before. If your rebound relationship is obsessive and knocks you off-balance then it probably isn’t something that will last. Watch out for being addicted to falling in love and avoiding the mundane aspects of a long-term relationship (or it might be you that’s emotionally unavailable for long-term love).

  1. Lost In A Fantasy

Real love is about discovering a new person and getting to know them over time; it’s a process. You accept their flaws as much as their strengths. If you’re more interested in the idea of the person than the actual person then you’re caught in a rebound relationship. When you’re in a rebound love situation you’re too caught up in the fantasy to notice the truth.

  1. It’s All About Sex

If the two of you don’t really talk to each other but you can’t wait to take each other’s clothes off, then you’re definitely in a rebound relationship. It may be a lot of fun but it’s not going to develop into something deeper and you’ll still have to deal with your broken heart. On the other side of this temporary rebound relationship, you may even find you’re becoming bitter and cynical about love.

  1. The Relationship Is Moving Lightning Fast

If your rebound relationship goes from 0 to 100 in just a few days, then you’re probably reacting more to your breakup than to your new love. Healthy relationships take time to develop, and deeper commitments are earned. Real love that lasts doesn’t magically happen between two strangers who barely know each other over a few days. Beware of instant intimacy, it usually means you’re in familiar territory, which means it won’t last.

How To Go From A Rebound Relationship To Lasting Love

Most rebound relationships are not a long-term solution, but they can help you move forward on your path to lasting love. If you take an intentional path through a breakup, you can make sure that you don’t continue to repeat your same mistakes.

  1. Be Honest With Yourself

Don’t mistake a rebound love situation for real lasting love with an ideal partner. Be clear why you’re in a new relationship and pay attention to who this new person really is. Don’t let your mind slant things toward the positive or just go along to get along. Also, avoid using your new love as your therapist and avoid talking about issues with your ex.

  1. Be Honest With Your New Partner

Share where you are in the grieving process, but don’t do the grieving with your new prospect. Give this new person the respect they deserve. If you’re ready for new love, then move forward with an open heart. However, if you’re still grieving, then keep them at a distance or take a break before moving into a commitment.

  1. Move Slowly

If this new relationship has a chance to grow, there’s no reason to rush things. Take it slowly and get to know each other. Don’t let chemistry move the relationship forward quickly. Take time to find out if you are a values match and have what it takes to survive long-term. There are four tenets you need for lasting love: chemistry, compatible lifestyles, shared values, and communication skills.

  1. Use Your Last Breakup As An Opportunity To Grow

If you approach your last breakup as an opportunity to discover your beliefs, behaviors, and strategies for love that aren’t serving you, then you can make adjustments and avoid repeating past mistakes. Make sure you’re growing from one relationship to the next in order to find the lasting love you desire.

Evaluate your rebound relationship to discover what’s driving you. Bringing your conscious awareness to the choices you’re making allows you to grow so you don’t repeat past mistakes.

It takes time to heal your heart so that you can be open to love again. Choose to be kind, compassionate, and loving with yourself through the healing process and give it time.

If you’re constantly rushing from one relationship to the next, then you’re caught in a cycle of rebound love situations and it’s time to learn a new approach to create lasting love instead.

Are you unsure how to evaluate which strategies are serving you and which are blocks to love? Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session so we can help get you unstuck and on the path to your soulmate relationship.

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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