Are You Tired Of Being Alone? Here’s How To Turn Your Focus So You Don’t Become Bitter
We hear from so many women who are tired of being alone and are looking for a new way to create love. It’s easy to get caught in the mindset trap that there is something wrong with you (or the world) because you are single. And when you commiserate with your single friends you hear the same dating and relationship horror stories that you’ve experienced yourself.
It’s enough to make you bitter about relationships and once again committed to your career instead of finding your soulmate.
It’s time to take a new look at loneliness so that instead of feeling tired of being alone, you can re-frame the whole experience into something that spurs you on towards the long-lasting love you desire.
So what is it about loneliness that is so horrible?
When you feel tired of being alone, you can easily fall into the trap of believing that this feeling will never go away. You begin to notice that even when you are with other people (friends, family, co-workers) that you feel disconnected and alone in their company. You can even despair that no one will ever “get you” or experience those special feelings of love again.
Even when you are having fun and being adventurous, a part of you secretly wishes that you were sharing this experience with your guy.
You begin to believe that you could never meet someone who will love and accept you for who you are.
You can become stuck in this feeling state and begin to withdraw from dating or meeting new people.
So how do you avoid becoming bitter on your journey to love, even though you feel so tired of being alone?
Realize that all your emotions are part of the human experience and that they are simply information.
Your feelings are temporary and can change suddenly or slowly, depending on how you interact with them.
Feeling lonely and tired of being alone is simply one part of the human condition. You’re here on planet earth to feel the full range of human emotions and what most people don’t understand is that your emotions are simply information. You have freewill choice about what to do or not do when you feel something – even those pesky emotions you don’t like.
Just because you feel angry when someone cuts you off on the freeway or you feel joy when you see a beautiful sunrise, doesn’t mean you will feel those feelings forever. It is understood that they are temporary.
However, deeper feelings of loneliness, disconnection, bitterness, and frustration about your life can seem all encompassing. The truth is they ebb and flow like waves onto the shore.
Some waves are bigger and some are smaller. Some waves lap gently onto the shore and some come crashing down. But all waves recede to be replaced by another wave.
This is the nature of our emotional life. Some feelings are gentle and some feelings crash over us.
Allowing your emotional experience and acknowledging its presence allows those feelings, whether they are big or small, enjoyable or not, to recede and be replaced by another feeling.
Each feeling is only information about the meaning you are giving to each thought or experience you are having.
When you allow yourself the experience of your emotions and let them flow, then you feel connected to yourself. It is this connection to self that is an essential component to feeling whole.
Re-frame your feelings of loneliness into motivation.
What if you changed the way you thought about those feelings of loneliness that arise from time to time?
For example, what if being on your own when you desire to share your life with someone is simply information that you want your life to be different.
Instead of feeling tired of being alone, you felt motivated to create love.
When you have the DESIRE for change – that is the catalyst to create something new.
If you didn’t have the desire for it – there’s no possible way for you to manifest it into your life.
You first had a desire for all the things in your life that you are passionate about. It was this desire that spurned you into action, and those actions brought you results. It’s the same way when it comes to manifesting anything you want – including long-lasting love.
Your loneliness is the desire to share your life with another person. The fact that you feel this loneliness confirms that it is important to you. Utilize this desire to spur you into action rather than lament the absence of it.
We’ll take it one step further, and it may take some of you a giant leap of faith to believe us…
The fact that you desire it means it is possible for you!
When you see your loneliness as the DESIRE for love you can utilize that feeling as fuel to create and manifest the soul-satisfying, long-lasting love you want.
Now this doesn’t mean that there is some miraculous, mysterious force in the universe that grants all of your wishes. Just because you want something won’t make it happen for you; there is more to it than that.
The love you are looking for is inside of you.
You cannot give something you do not possess. If you don’t love and accept yourself you’ll find it very difficult to find a partner who will love you. You’ll reject it. It will feel odd and you’ll simply think it’s that you don’t find that particular person attractive.
You may find someone who finds you attractive, however, it won’t be lasting because you’ll reject what is not a match for what you believe is true. If you believe you are unlovable you’ll end up creating this self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your internal experience of what love feels like, how it functions, and why you’ve struggled with it are all part of your story of love. This story has an emotional vibration. You are attracted to people who reflect this same vibration back to you.
To put it simply like attracts like. We attract what is familiar. This is a survival mechanism in the brain. We are wired to bring us more of the same familiar circumstances.
For example, if you have a fear that no man will accept the real authentic you – that you are simply too much. You will find that you are rejected by the men you desire again and again and again.
There isn’t a magical person who will change this fear of being too much. You would first have to shift the belief inside of you to then manifest the guy who chooses to love you exactly as you are.
One of the ways you do that is to walk through that hot door of fear and simply be yourself. Bring your big beautiful emotions to the table and express them. Stop twisting into a pretzel at an attempt to earn love. Stop trying to win love from someone who is doubting your value.
Learn to love and value yourself and you will meet someone who loves and values you. That person will be a vibrational match to your new inner experience.
Take the journey like you know you’ve already reached the destination.
Believing that your match is out there also looking for you is a way to set your journey to love on a new trajectory – one that leads you quickly to the man you’re searching for.
What if you already knew that your soulmate was waiting for you? That it was just a matter of time before the two of you met? What would be different about your behavior on a date? How would you respond when things didn’t go exactly as you had hoped?
If you knew without a doubt that your soulmate was waiting for you then you wouldn’t be so worried about what others thought of you. You wouldn’t spend so much time worrying about why it didn’t work out with the guy who disappeared.
If you believed your beloved was right around the corner, you could date with openness and authenticity and just relax by being you. No more second guessing trying to please a stranger by making assumptions about what he may or may not like about you.
Having a full life is also essential. It is backwards thinking if you’re wishing and hoping that a man will show up to change your life. Change your life – and the right match for you will become visible to you.
Break out of your old patterns so that you can create new results.
Loneliness equals the desire for a change and tangibly shows you through your feeling state what you wish for. Unfortunately, only wishing will not move you towards your goal.
Taking NEW ACTIONS is how you begin to break old patterns and create new ones. Selecting the new actions is somewhat important, but not as important as doing things that you’ve never done before.
Don’t put off doing things until you’re in a relationship. Make those plans and take those trips now. Fill your life with activities that bring you joy.
To simplify and speed up the process you may need a guide – someone who has been where you are, and now in the present has what you desire. This is the fast track to manifesting what you want.
Feeling lonely and tired of being alone are temporary feelings and what you choose to do with them when they bellow to the surface is a great way to understand yourself more deeply. Your strategies and habits for dealing with your emotions are ingrained in your subconscious mind. It’s these behaviors that keep you stuck – not the feelings.
Changing your feeling state can be easy through music, location, inner dialog, or physical exercise. Your feelings are always temporary. Instead of looking to alter your feeling state, dig deeper to making a change in the habitual behavior you have as a response to the feeling of loneliness.
In this way you create a whole new set of habitual actions that move you toward your goal.
Instead of continuing to complain about how tired you are of being single or falling into bitterness about love in general, we invite you to explore how you can integrate these steps into your life.
To discover your unique path to love join us for a Soulmate Strategy Call. We’ll share with you the steps you can take to create the long-lasting, soul-satisfying love you desire.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.