Want a Deep Soul Connection?

“Hi Orna and Matthew,

My name is Michelle and I hope you can help me. I long for a deep soul connection with a man. I’ve been divorced for 6 years. In a nutshell, my marriage ended because my husband was unfaithful. I raised my 2 children on my own, and they are now fabulous young adults.

Once I started dating after my divorce I met many great men, and a few who were truly ready to commit. Some even told me they want to get married. Ultimately, I ended these relationships because they just were not ‘The One.’

My question is what could I do differently? I want a lasting loving relationship with someone who really gets me, and that I can count on. I find it easy to date and meet a lot of nice men. Something is missing for me…  I want a deep soul connection, that feeling of coming ‘Home.”

Do you have any suggestions for me?”

Dear Michelle,

It seems you’ve done a great job of putting yourself out there meeting new people and going on dates. Finding a deep soul connection can be elusive with common dating strategies. Ultimately there is a specific strategy to date for a soul connection that will get you the results you want and it’s a bit counterintuitive.

When it comes to lasting love, it doesn’t make sense to settle for a man you don’t feel a soul connection with. You can’t settle for a lifetime, eventually, there won’t be enough gas in the tank of the relationship to make it through the challenging times.

Partnering with a good, faithful, decent man is just the foundation of a healthy relationship, and not enough to base a life together on. There are plenty of good men in the world – that won’t necessarily make any of them your beloved.

You Can’t Manifest From Lack

It’s likely that your experience with your ex-husband created an internal block that’s getting in the way of you creating a deep soul connection with someone new. Whether it’s a decision to avoid getting hurt again, or the belief that you can’t trust love, a part of you is afraid to fully risk your heart.

While it’s important to know what you do and don’t want in love, if your focus is to avoid the pain of the past, you’ll be unable to create the soul connection you desire. Currently, your subconscious is focused on avoiding cheaters, which has kept you safe. Unfortunately, not a cheater doesn’t allow you to manifest what you truly desire.

You cannot find a deep soul connection by searching for the opposite of your past experience. When your heart has been broken it’s a natural response to try to avoid that pain again. A divorce is one of the most stressful and painful events a person can go through, (and you had the added stress of children in the mix).

In order to manifest a deep soul connection you’ll need a crystal clear vision of your desires in love.

When someone says, “I just can’t see myself doing that” (whatever it is) they’re speaking a literal truth. They can’t create an image in their mind’s eye of doing that thing. To manifest something, you need to see yourself doing it. See yourself in your ideal relationship. Identify the dynamic between the two of you, and the primary emotions you feel.

Discover Your Patterns In Love

Knowing your positive and negative patterns in love will show you what needs to change. Take an inventory of your relationship history. Notice similarities with the type of guy you fall for, who generally pursues who, which one of you initiates the breakup, and is there a common dynamic that doesn’t feel good to you?

Ultimately, you are the common denominator in all of your relationships. So, if there is a reason that it’s not working out – it’s inside of you. Dating more men will not change this pattern. And talking about the pattern will not change it either, instead talking about it will reinforce it.

If you’re struggling to find a soul connection, there’s likely a hidden block that’s keeping you from feeling it.

Stop Dating Backwards

Most people date backwards looking for a feeling to inform them it’s the right person. Unfortunately, your feelings are constantly changing, so using your feelings alone as a guide is not the best way to choose a life partner.

Giving a stranger the benefit of the doubt is dating backwards. Letting your feelings of attraction and chemistry cloud your judgment, ignoring red flags, or excusing bad behavior will never bring you the soul connection you crave. Never give the benefit of the doubt to a stranger — no matter the chemistry between you two.

Later, once someone has proven themselves as trustworthy and reliable you can give them the benefit of the doubt because they’ve earned it.

Allow dating to be a process and practice slow love. Take your time getting to know each other before going exclusive, and don’t make any assumptions. Use dating as a tool to find your limiting beliefs and other hidden blocks to love.

Through dating, notice your inner dialog and how you feel with each guy. Is it different with a man you’re attracted to vs. a man you don’t feel that spark with? Are you able to be authentic with each one? Pay attention on the walk to the car after the date; how do you feel and what’s your inner dialog after you’ve parted from him?

At the end of each date, check in with how you’re feeling and what you’re saying to yourself. This is where you discover if there are any hidden beliefs or strategies that will continue to keep you from the soul connection you desire.

Dating this way allows you to cultivate discernment so that you can easily deselect a guy who is not a match and proceed to find out more about the guys you’re curious about.

Don’t Iron Out Conflict

This may sound counterintuitive, but because most people are conflict-avoidant. You’ll never find a soul connection by avoiding conflict.

When you’re authentic and speak how you feel, you’re sending an invitation to the other person to meet you at that high level of authenticity. How a man responds to conflict gives you valuable information about whether the two of you will be able to navigate the inevitable challenges that will arise.

We’re not suggesting that you look for conflict either. Instead, don’t go along to get along. You’ll never find a life partner that way. Show up as your authentic self and with the right person you’ll figure it out together.

Address challenges and a difference of opinion in the moment and don’t let them fester. You’ll discover that conflict is a doorway to a deeper connection with a man who is a match for you.

Don’t Settle For Less Than The Soul Connection You Desire

You’d be doing yourself a disservice to settle for a man who doesn’t fully float your boat. You deserve to be with someone who gives you that feeling of being home. He deserves to be with someone who is as crazy about him as he is about you.

Make sure you don’t settle for “the should guy.”

  • “I should marry him, he’s crazy about me.”
  • “I should marry him, he’d be a great father.”
  • “I should marry him, he’s a good, faithful man.”
  • “I should marry him, my friends and family adore him.”
  • “I should marry him, he’s the best I’ve found so far.”

Way too many women we speak with are divorced from “the should guy.” Settling when it comes to a life partner is a recipe for disaster. You can’t sacrifice what you truly desire and expect to be happy for a lifetime.

When you imagine the soul connection you desire how do you feel? Are you grounded and in the present moment? Are you off balance and spinning in your heart space or your stomach? Do you have perpetual butterflies? Does your stomach drop like you’re on an elevator or rollercoaster?

Be specific regarding the sensation you’re looking for. You’ll want that feeling to ground you, not just light you up. The other important question is this: Have you ever felt this feeling before?

Selecting An Ideal Mate

Relationships either become stronger or fall apart because of the challenges that come your way. To create a lasting soul connection, choose someone who shares your values and is on the same page with you about what’s really important in life.

While you’ll inevitably have different strategies for dealing with stress, you’ll always find your way back to each other when you share the same values. You’ll be more motivated to work your way through your differences to create connection again.

Discovering what a man values isn’t revealed by deep meaningful hypothetical conversations. Instead, notice how he spends his resources. His behavior will be a bigger indication of what he values than what he says. Every person will spend their time, effort, and money on what they value. Notice how he treats the people in his life and how he treats you — are they similar or different?

When you share the same or similar values you can harness your differences towards the same goals allowing you to thrive as a couple. Soulmates are two individuals who continue to choose each other and stay together because they are better together than apart.

Lasting love is about creating a life together that is in service to your larger dreams and goals. When you are on the same page about what is truly important then you can weather any storms that come your way creating a lasting deep soul connection.

The right man for you is not a perfect person, he will be perfect for you because the two of you will have shared values and you’ll both be willing to work through the challenges that arise together.

When you choose the person who also chooses you, it will feel magical, but it’s not magic — it’s a choice — one that you both make over and over again.

Self-examination has its limitations because you are in the fishbowl. We’re experts in quickly assessing where you are in relation to where you’d like to be on your journey to long-lasting, soul-satisfying love. Every person is unique because only you have had your experiences.

If you’d like to dig in and uncover what is blocking you from experiencing the soul connection you desire schedule a Soulmate Strategy Call with us. This complimentary call allows you to speak with us privately so don’t delay and schedule today by clicking here.

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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