How To Find Your Soulmate When You’re Serious About Finding A Life Partner
It is said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a new result. If lasting love has eluded you, and you’re wondering how to find your soulmate so that love lasts this time, perhaps its time to take a new approach.
Sure there are those people who met and fell in love with their high school or college sweetheart and from the outside it looks like it is so easy for them to make love last. And here you are, over 30 (or 40, or 50, or 60) and still floundering with your romantic relationships. Your mind keeps telling you that there must be something wrong with you.
We can assure you that there is nothing wrong with you! Whatever pattern you appear to be stuck in – emotionally unavailable men, fear of intimacy, stuck in the friend zone – is just a symptom of a strategy that you learned at a very young age. Well, guess what? You can learn new strategies!
While it may seem like something in you is broken, part of being human is accepting your limitations while you simultaneously strive to become better. You can change your strategies for creating love as well as discover how to get the love you want to last.
If you are serious about finding a life partner, then first make a commitment to doing things differently and be open to discovering things about yourself that you never thought about in this particular way. Use these steps as a guide and you’ll discover how quickly your love life will blossom.
How To Find Your Soulmate In 7 Steps (When You’re Serious About Finding A Life Partner):
Release Your Limiting Beliefs About Love
Your beliefs about love are mostly formed during your early childhood. How you learned to receive love in your family of origin, the strategies you developed to feel loved and safe, and the emotional patterns you developed to cope all make up your personal system for love.
This system is driving your behavior as an adult. It’s like your own unique GPS for love and it will take you to the location over and over and over again because that is all that it knows to do.
Want to know how to find your soulmate? Discover these limiting beliefs and release the ones that no longer serve you to reach your goal. Identify your mental/emotional patterns and stretch outside your comfort zone to experience new ways of moving through strife and conflict. Adjust your behavior to align with the results you want to experience and release everything else.
Do you believe that the only way to get love is to sacrifice what you want and defer to your partner? That you have to let go of your independence and freedom in order to be in a lifetime partnership?
Maybe you think that if you work hard to prove that you are worth loving, that eventually, your partner will reward you with the love you desire.
Or perhaps you have a belief that you aren’t worth loving, and therefore only find yourself in relationships with unavailable partners.
These core beliefs aren’t the Truth. The Truth is that you are inherently lovable and are deserving of love exactly as you are, right now, today! You don’t have to prove it, or earn it, or protect yourself from people who will take advantage of you. You only have to know that love is your birthright.
That may sound like a simple idea, but it isn’t always easy to practice. Your fears and insecurities want to argue that lasting love is for other people but not for you. That voice in your head tells you the love you desire will never be yours because you can’t control another person.
Take time to dig out these false and limiting beliefs release them so your beliefs are in alignment with your desires.
You may have made some mistakes with past partners. Maybe you were betrayed and it was heartbreaking. You’ve probably had more than your fair share of heartache.
None of this means that you aren’t meant to have long-lasting love. What it means is that you’ve got to remove the beliefs that are blocking you. You are not being served by these old strategies.
It’s time for a love upgrade!
Get In Touch With Your Inner Child
Part of upgrading your love software is getting back in touch with your inner child. You’ve probably abandoned that little girl inside of you over the years. She certainly wasn’t loved the way she needed to be and so she got quiet and you hardly even notice her as an adult.
This happens because of the conflict between what you needed to feel loved as a child, and the way your parents were capable of giving you their love. You may have been raised by people who loved you dearly, and yet were not capable of showing love in a way that you could see it and experience it.
This dichotomy between the way you were loved and the way you needed to be loved created a wound. As an adult, you have the opportunity to re-parent your inner child and heal these wounds.
Step 2 in how to find your soulmate is to start taking your inner child on a weekly date to discover what she needs from you. Inner Child Dates™ are one of the most powerful healing tools for reconnecting with yourself and bringing you back to a state of wholeness.
Set aside 2-3 hours a week and ask your inner child what would bring her joy. It is your job as an adult to make sure that you have all the materials you need for your Inner Child Date. Let your inner child express herself without any judgment from you.
Be careful that you don’t cancel your Inner Child Dates because you could re-create the feeling of disappointment and abandonment that you felt as a child. These dates should be the most important thing on your calendar.
You can find a list of low-cost to no-cost inner child date ideas here.
It’s likely you’ve made mistakes. Your past romantic partners have made mistakes too. Part of being human is making mistakes. Holding onto those past mistakes will block you from your soulmate.
Want to know how to find your soulmate? Forgive the past but don’t forget the lessons of the past.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you excuse the behavior. It doesn’t mean that what happened was okay. What it does mean is that you release your anger and hurt in order to move forward in your life.
You can find compassion for the people that hurt you and forgive them. This doesn’t mean that you allow people that hurt you back into your life. You can take it on a case by case basis.
You can also understand what caused your hurtful behavior and forgive yourself. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t strive to do better and become a better person
Forgiveness is a way of giving yourself and others grace for being human. Only machines are perfect so accept the fact that because you are human you are not perfect, and neither is the person who hurt you.
There is a saying that hurt people hurt people. Forgiving the people that have hurt you allows you to release the energetic emotional attachment to that person and the event.
Once you can have compassion for those who hurt you, finding the Golden Nugget will give you the learning to set you free. Discover the meaning of what happened. What was it meant to teach you? How can you grow from the experience?
Discovering the Golden Nugget will move you forward quickly towards your soulmate.
Learn To Communicate Authentically
It is difficult to get what you want in your relationships if you don’t know how to ask for what you want. Your soulmate will not come with mindreading powers and an intuitive understanding of what you need.
If you want to know how to find your soulmate, then you need to learn how to express how you feel and communicate authentically.
You intuitively know that your soulmate is the person who is capable of loving you for who you really are. But in order to loved for who you really are, you have to show up authentically.
Authentic communication requires you to speak how you feel. It requires you to ask for what you want. It also requires you to take responsibility for what is yours.
You are only responsible for 50% of your interactions with others. But you are 100% responsible for your 50%. No one “makes” you do anything.
You may feel triggered by another person’s behavior. But that trigger is yours. When you communicate authentically and take responsibility for your triggers then you can create a deep intimate connection with your soulmate.
This is how you create the feeling you desire of being with a person who really understands you and gets you. It may always feel like a risk to be authentic, and that is why you must practice it. You won’t suddenly become an excellent communicator when you’re with your soulmate.
Get Clear On What You Really Want
When it comes to love, most adults are crystal clear on what they do not want. They know they don’t want to be cheated on. They don’t want to be ghosted or treated with disrespect. They really don’t want to be lied to.
What you really want is not the opposite of what you do not want.
To know how to find your soulmate, you have to know exactly the kind of relationship you want. Manifestation is the process of getting clear on what you want, creating a picture of it in your mind, and taking the steps necessary to bring it to life. If you are focused on what you don’t want then you will continue to manifest what you don’t want. What you focus on g-r-o-w-s, so choose wisely.
Get clear on how your soulmate relationship will function. What is the dynamic that you desire between the two of you? How will you know that he loves you?
When you create a clear picture of your soulmate relationship then it will begin to feel possible and/or probable that you can create it. If you can’t see it then you don’t know what steps to take to get there.
Cultivate Discernment Through The Dating Process
Dating is mostly seen as something that you have to do in order to meet your soulmate. Most people stop dating as soon as they meet someone they are attracted to, have some things in common with, and jump into a committed relationship.
This is Dating Backwards™.
The person you’ve met is a stranger. Never put your lovability in the hands of a stranger. And even worse, why give a stranger the benefit of the doubt?
Want to know how to find your soulmate? Slow down the dating process, use it as a tool to cultivate discernment, and don’t get physical or commit quickly.
When you take your time through the dating process you begin to discover more about yourself and your strategies for finding love. You can identify which strategies actually help you create lasting love, and which strategies lead you down the path to heartbreak.
You also want to take time to discover the person you are dating along with what his values are. Chemistry and compatibility are important in a relationship, but having shared values is the glue that holds your relationship together over time.
You only discover what someone values by spending time with him. He may say that family is important to him only to discover he doesn’t spend time with his. It’s behavior that tells you what is truly important to him and whether or not the two of you are in alignment.
You cannot have a conversation with hypotheticals to discover what he values. These things are discovered over time as you see and experience how he spends his resources. Where he puts his energy, time, and money will reveal what is truly important to him.
Become The Person You Need To Be To Attract The Type Of Person You Desire
Like attracts like. Water seeks its own level. These are all ways of saying that you want to focus on becoming the person you need to be in order to attract the type of person you desire.
You see, you meet your soulmate on your path to your highest and best self. It is this journey of personal and spiritual growth that attracts someone who meets you at your level.
If you want to know how to find your soulmate, then become your own soulmate.
Love yourself. Treat yourself with compassion and kindness. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.
You don’t get love from another person, you share love with another person. It is the love you have for yourself that you see reflected back to you in your beloved’s eyes.
Being perfect or doing things perfectly is not what having long-lasting love is all about. You’ll never be perfect, but you will be the perfect match for someone.
Follow these 7 steps and you’ll find that the journey to your soulmate is the most rewarding journey you will ever make.
Or you can keep using the same strategies you’ve been using… only to be disappointed again and again. Why would you want to do that? Break those patterns that have become blocks to the lasting love you desire so you can spend your life with your soulmate by your side.
Are you struggling with any of these 7 steps? Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session and we’ll give you a custom plan for creating the love you want.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.