Breakups are hard, they can be one of the most painful experiences in life. Most relationships start full of hope and when they end, it feels like something inside of you has died. You may have the impulse to rush to meet someone new. Can love heal a broken heart? Can rebound relationships have the power to heal or will they just delay the hurt and disappointment you feel?
Rebound relationships are a way of avoiding heartache, like a band-aid on your broken heart. You seek out the excitement of infatuation to keep your heart occupied and your mind off your ex. If you’re not careful, you could find yourself using your new lover to avoid your unresolved grief and get stuck in the same negative pattern all over again.
Is It Better To Be Alone Or Seek A Rebound Relationship?
When a relationship ends, you have a couple of options for moving on with your life. You can swear off relationships for a while and either commit to abstinence or focus on dating with no strings attached. Or you can jump into a new relationship with someone who’s different from your ex.
Is it better to do it on your own or to hope that love can heal a broken heart?
Being alone can be difficult because loneliness can get your mind spinning and second-guessing every decision you’ve made and pine over your loss. However, you can use your time alone to reflect on what went wrong and vow to take a new approach to love and dating. Without the distraction of an infatuation you’re more likely to have space for introspection, healing, and growth so you don’t repeat your past mistakes.
Rebound relationships can be a fun distraction keeping you from feeling the pain of heartache, but you can’t avoid it forever. A rebound relationship is unlikely to last, and you’ll still have to deal with the unpleasant feelings from the breakup when it fizzles out. If you’re just looking for a little fun without commitment, rebound relationships can work for you but if you’re looking for lasting love, a fling isn’t the answer.
Why Do Most Rebound Relationships Fail?
Rebound relationships fail because they’re a reaction to something that went wrong, not a healthy approach to lasting love. You can hope all you like that love can heal a broken heart, but you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons and that can set you up for feeling even worse about yourself and your singlehood status.
The Most Common Reasons Rebound Relationships Fail:
- You’re looking for validation instead of sharing your heart. The breakup you just went through has left you feeling insecure, and you just want someone to want you.
- You’re secretly wishing your ex will get jealous and want you back. Watch your heart karma if you’re using someone to get back at your ex or make them jealous. This strategy could cause greater harm in the long term.
- You’re looking for a distraction from your heartache. Dating someone new will give you a brief dopamine hit and ease your pain. But it’s a temporary relief for the grief you haven’t dealt with.
- You’re in denial about your readiness for a new relationship. Every breakup compounds and you feel the intensity of all the losses, you’re not over your ex and no amount of denial will make you emotionally available. Truly healing your heart requires time on your own.
- You’re still emotionally attached to your ex, and that connection will block you from risking your heart with someone new. Don’t waste their time, and yours, and go directly to healing your heart.
- You like the idea of a new relationship more than the reality of one. It’s all fun and easy breezy until your new lover wants more than you’re ready to give. You’ll end up fleeing with the first disagreement.
- You’re only dating for some companionship. You can’t fill the lonely void inside by finding someone new. Focus on loving yourself and not seeking someone else to fill you up and feel good again.
Can love heal a broken heart? Not if you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Stop distracting yourself and focus on healing your broken heart instead.
Rebound Relationships Are A Reaction To The Past
What you truly want isn’t the opposite of what you don’t want. You can’t create something from lack. By putting your focus on what you don’t want, you’ve told your mind to point out the kind of person you don’t want.
It’s like trying to NOT think of a pink elephant. First, you have to create the image of a pink elephant and then negate it. If you don’t want a cheater, a smoker, or an addict you’ll have to focus on what you actually want to find someone new.
Did you frequently argue with your ex? You look for someone who’s easier to get along with and who doesn’t want drama in their life.
Was your ex emotionally unavailable? Then you choose someone who’s more expressive and emotionally demonstrative.
Was the chemistry off the charts but you didn’t have anything in common? Find someone to date that has more in common with you plus the spark of attraction.
You can get stuck in a lather-rinse-repeat cycle by choosing the opposite of what you don’t want, it won’t get you closer to creating the lasting love you desire and deserve.
Do you make any other decisions this way?
No one ever said, “I asked for a raise at my last job, and I didn’t get it. That felt awful so I quit. Now I’m looking for a job where I don’t have to ask for a raise ever again.” Don’t use this strategy in your love life either.
Can love heal a broken heart? Only if you steer clear of being in reaction to the past.
Avoiding Pain Is Not A Strategy For Lasting Love
Love requires risk. If you look for the opposite of what you don’t want, you’re focused on avoiding pain not finding a love match. Love and anguish are energetically opposing energies.
Romantic relationships are like water, they seek their own level. If you’re heartbroken you will attract someone at a similar level as you. It will feel comforting for a while, but it won’t last.
With your attempts to avoid feeling heartache, you’re still caught up in your pain. It’s the feeling that ties you to the past leaving you destined to repeat your choices again and again and again. Yuck! Right?
This is why you think there aren’t any good matches out there for you. You feel like love isn’t meant to be or that you’re fated to be alone. To change your fate you have to heal your heart. Otherwise, the past will continue to determine your future and you’ll be stuck in your old dance steps.
Can love heal a broken heart? Only if you focus on discovering your heart’s desire instead of avoiding pain. When your heart breaks it breaks open to receive more love, but only if you let it.
Heal Your Heart To Avoid Dead-End Rebound Relationships
Rebound relationships happen because you’re trying to escape your pain. You’re looking for a shortcut and dodging your responsibility to heal your heart and grow into a more loving and confident person. You can’t avoid disappointments in life. Breakups happen to everyone. Instead of hiding from your pain, embrace it as an opportunity to expand your capacity to love.
You can’t rush healing your heart. It’s the key to breaking your negative patterns and creating something new and better than you’ve ever experienced. Only by feeling your feelings and moving through the stages of grief are you going to become more resilient and loving. The only way out is through.
Take time to feel your feelings and move through them. Imagine your feelings are like ocean waves crashing on the shore. Allow each wave to flow through you and recede, only to be replaced by another wave. Eventually, the waves of positivity and hope will begin to replace those waves of hurt and sadness.
Can love heal a broken heart? Only if you allow yourself to grieve first so that you’re ready and available for love again.
Find The Golden Nugget And Become More Resilient
What if your ex came into your life so you can heal your wounds and prepare you for a beloved relationship? What if they showed up to make you a better person? Instead of becoming bitter about love, you can find gratitude for your ex because they inspired you to grow and prepare for a lasting loving partnership.
Being curious about your own growth lessons from your last relationship can heal and open your heart to love fully and completely. Find The Golden Nugget of learning to step into gratitude for your ex and guides you to grow your relationship skillset.
No one is born with the skills to make love last. Sex is instinctual, but lasting love with a mate is a societal construct. You’ll have to learn these skills and practice them.
Depending on your role models for love, you may have some bad relationship habits and strategies. Think about love and dating just like learning anything new. You’ll need to practice new skills and tools until you become good at using them.
Hiding in a rebound relationship doesn’t give you the opportunity to grow and become a better version of you.
Can love heal a broken heart? When you focus on learning and growing from your breakups, you become a better person, one that is capable of making love last with an ideal match.
The Love You Seek Is Inside Of You
You don’t get love from another person, you share love with them. Seeking love, approval and acceptance from others keeps you on a roller coaster of hope and disappointment. It puts your lovability in someone else’s hands.
Take back your power by putting your energy toward loving yourself, instead of seeking love from outside of you. You’re a unique and perfectly lovable human being. Even with your faults, you’re worth loving. Focus on loving all the parts of you — the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Rebound relationships are a distraction and have you looking for a balm to temporarily feel better. Other people are fickle and when you give them power over your lovability you diminish your self-worth, your self-esteem, and your self-confidence.
Can love heal a broken heart? If you’re focused on growing the love you have for yourself you can heal a broken heart and create a dream life.
Allow Your Broken Heart To Break Open
Feeling the pain of your heartache won’t kill you (despite what your brain might think). Emotions are there to focus your healing, just like the pain you’d feel if you twist your ankle.
When you resist healing your heart you become bitter and cynical about love. It makes it impossible to be happy. Tear down the walls around your heart and expand your capacity for love.
Allow your heart to break open so you can receive more love, especially from yourself. When you lean into your heartbreak instead of avoiding it, you bring intention to your healing. You nurture your wounded self and expand your ability to love yourself.
Can Love Heal A Broken Heart?
Yes, it can if you set the intention to do love differently. This is the road less traveled because most people remain stuck in their familiar patterns. The familiar will lead you to the same situations over and over again — different face but same end result.
Don’t run away from your pain and into the arms of another. Slow down and heal your heart so you can create the lasting love you desire.
If you’ve experienced a recent heartbreak, we’d love to share with you how to approach love in a new way. Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Call and we’ll show you how to rewire your brain for long-lasting, soul-satisfying love.