How To Get Over Rejection When It Doesn’t Work Out? 9 Strategies For Overcoming Rejection To Find Lasting Love

How do you overcome rejection when a promising relationship doesn’t work out? It seems you’ve finally found “The One,” and just as you’re falling deeply in love, the whole thing comes crashing down. You wish it had gone differently but you’re left wondering how to get over rejection when love doesn’t work out.

You can try Googling “How to get him/her back,” but if they’ve moved on you aren’t going to convince them to give it another go. You can’t control another person and no amount of negotiation is going to change that. Besides, you don’t want to compromise yourself for someone who’s not willing to work through your differences.

It’s all too easy to blame yourself and analyze everything you ever said and did through the relationship, but that will just keep you feeling badly. Overcoming rejection requires you to move through the experience, learn from it, and try again.

There’s a famous saying, “Living well is the best revenge.” Set your goal to learn, grow, and move on to create the soul-satisfying love you truly desire. There’s someone out there who’s willing to stick with you through thick and thin. Your job is to become someone capable of receiving that level of love and kindness.

9 Strategies For Overcoming Rejection And Finding Lasting Love

  1. Accept The Situation

Sometimes the shock of the rejection can trigger you to feel numb (which is a form of denial). Trying to convince your ex to give you another chance is like pouring salt into an open wound — you won’t be able to move on. The pain you feel is appropriate, so don’t ignore your feelings, that’ll only make it harder to let go and move on.

Everyone gets rejected at some point in their life, this isn’t a unique experience and is part of being human and growing up. Accepting rejection as a part of life and growing from the experience gives you the ability to become more resilient in your relationships, and a more compassionate person. Rejection is just a speedbump slowing you down, not a brick wall stopping you from moving forward with your life.

Overcoming rejection requires you to acknowledge and accept that the relationship is over. Don’t shoot the messenger, we’re giving it to you straight (and with love). It may not feel good to step into acceptance, but you’ll be on the path to healing your heart much faster. Being rejected doesn’t mean anything about you or how lovable you are.

Here’s how to get over rejection by first accepting the situation:

Find a mirror and look directly into your eyes, acknowledge the pain and hurt from the rejection, and wrap your arms around yourself in a hug. Tell yourself out loud that despite the hurt, anger, guilt, shame (whatever you’re feeling), you’re going to get through this and vow to become a better person through this experience.

  1. Take Time To Feel All Of Your Feelings

All your feelings about being rejected are appropriate — fear, anger, sadness, hurt, shame, guilt, and anything else is okay. Instead of judging yourself for feeling badly take time to feel all your feelings. The best strategy for overcoming rejection is to allow all these negative emotions to move through you, like ocean waves coming to the shore.

It may seem like your feelings are overwhelming and you may just want to numb out or avoid them. Remember that all your feelings are temporary, so it’s okay to stop and just feel. Take some deep breaths and allow yourself time to grieve. This is not something you can rush through, and taking time with your grief is good practice for any setback you experience in life.

Resisting your feelings will just prolong the process of overcoming rejection. You’ve likely heard the saying, “What you resist persists.” This is especially true when you try to avoid negative emotions.

Here’s how to get over rejection by feeling your feelings:

Set aside time in your calendar to daily feel whatever you’re feeling instead of making yourself busy and avoiding them. Set a timer on your smartphone (3-5 minutes) and feel all your feelings. Give yourself time to just cry and release all the pent-up emotion (this may take you another 20 minutes or more). Be intentional about feeling your grief and releasing it. This daily practice will free your energy up to get the things done that life requires of you while you get over rejection.

  1. Don’t Attach Meaning To Your Emotions

Resist the urge to blame yourself or take the rejection personally. Allow yourself to feel your feelings but do not create a story in your mind with meanings about why you feel as you do. A relationship is a dance between two people and you’re only responsible for your half. Overcoming rejection requires you to be in the present moment rather than picturing yourself in the future alone and lonely —that’s not helpful or true.

Rejection means the two of you aren’t a good match long-term. Lasting love requires both people to choose each other. You may think you’ve lost your soulmate, but if it was your soulmate you would’ve figured things out together. Stop yourself from making things up that increase your feeling badly about having been rejected.

Your mind is a meaning-making machine and when you’ve been rejected stop your brain from spinning about what could’ve been. Get back in your power by staying in the present with your feelings and avoiding the urge to fill in the blanks with meanings that increase your heartache.

Here’s how to get over rejection by not filling in the blanks with meaning:

Look yourself in the mirror and affirm that you are worth loving. Remind yourself that you’re an awesome person and that your partner will be lucky to have you. Instead, know that this is only a setback, and that love is available to you.

  1. Be Extra Kind, Compassionate, And Loving With Yourself

Treat yourself through this grieving period as if you’re very precious and breakable — which you truly are. Cocoon yourself so you can heal, stay away from anything harsh. Eliminate as much drama from your life as possible. Overcoming rejection takes time so don’t rush this process.

Instead, focus on healing yourself and your broken heart. Allow yourself to feel sorrowful instead of sorry for yourself. Sorrow is a natural human emotion. Just because something bad has happened in your life doesn’t mean you’re destined to be alone. You have the power to change your circumstances.

Every adult person on the planet has been rejected. For many, it’s a rite of passage, and for you it can be the catalyst for change.

Here’s how to get over rejection by being kind and compassionate with yourself:

Pay attention to your inner dialog by asking, “What am I saying to myself about myself?” Change your negative thoughts to positive ones. Treat yourself the way you would like your beloved to treat you, particularly in how you talk to yourself with your inner voice.

Nip negative self-talk in the bud, and instead make an effort to always say nice things to yourself with kindness and compassion.

  1. Stop Obsessing About Your Ex

When you’ve been rejected make a pact with yourself to go “cold turkey” and cut off all contact with your ex. Don’t stalk them on social media, or text to ask what went wrong, or ask for info about your ex from mutual friends. Every time you reengage with that person you’re slowing down the healing process.

Change their name in your phone to “Do Not Answer.” Disconnect from them on social media. Block them so they can’t find you there, or for you to be surprised by seeing something that would trigger you.

There’s a part of you that’s wishing and hoping that your ex will change their mind and come back to you. This hope keeps you entangled with their energy and it’s the main source for your feelings of rejection.

Your big prefrontal cortex wants to find logical answers, so their behavior makes sense to you. Unfortunately, there are no such answers that’ll leave you feeling better. It’s likely (and normal) that part of you hopes for reconciliation and instead, you should kill the hope that they’ll come back to you.

Hope is the first feeling that enters a relationship and the last feeling to leave. Overcoming rejection requires you to kill the hope that your ex will come back, so you can heal your heart and move on.

Here’s how to get over rejection and stop obsessing about your ex:

Kill the hope that you’ll get back together. Decide right now that you’re better off without them and then take actions in alignment with this decision. When you cut off contact you will move through the healing process faster than if you continue to engage with them.

  1. Reconnect To Your Inner Child

Your lovability does not come from outside of you. Another person doesn’t have the power to say you’re worth loving or you’re not. You’re worth loving just because you exist. You were born as the physical embodiment of the energy of love and that’s your true nature.

It’s your wounded inner child who longs for something you can’t have. Overcoming rejection requires you to focus on healing your heart instead of looking for someone else to make you feel whole and complete.

The child inside of you wants your love and attention. Reconnecting with this part of you will pay off in many ways including feeling loved and safe in the world. Go on an Inner Child Date by letting your inner child choose an activity.

Here’s how to get over rejection by reconnecting to your inner child:

Nurture the relationship with your inner child and promise to love your inner child like they’re the most important person in your life. You can’t expect someone to show up in your life and treat you like a priority if you’re not a priority to yourself already.

You teach people how to treat you from the moment you meet. When you can love yourself no matter what you’ll never settle for less in a relationship ever again.

  1. Learn From This Experience So You Don’t Repeat It

Reframe rejection as an opportunity for growth that helps you build resilience and compassion for yourself.

Overcoming rejection requires you to find gratitude for this painful experience. As odd as it may sound, feeling grateful is the key that frees your heart and allows you to release your ex and move on with your life.

Feeling bitter about rejection only keeps you stuck in the past, sucking away your happiness, and fostering feelings of hopelessness.

Here’s how to get over rejection and learn from your experience:

Reclaim your power by finding the Golden Nugget of Learning so you can feel grateful for what you’ve gone through.

  1. Accept All The Parts Of You

If you’re expecting that you’ll be a perfect person you’ve set the bar too high. Every person gets triggered, has bad emotional habits, and can make mistakes.

When you meet your soulmate that person will love the thing about you that all the others left you over. That’s because they’ll know you’re better together rather than apart.

Self-love is learning to love and accept all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Overcoming rejection requires you to stop rejecting yourself and practice self-acceptance — no matter what.

If you’re doing your best, then you have to let your best be good enough. When you know better you’ll do better, but for now be okay with who you are. This is great practice for sharing your life with another imperfect person. If you’re not okay with your faults, you’ll never find long-lasting love.

Here’s how to get over rejection by accepting all the parts of you:

Look for reasons to love all the parts of you. All your behavior is trying to get you love, approval, or acceptance. Feel grateful for your flaws because they’re trying to help you. Embrace the qualities that make you unique and be okay with your imperfections.

  1. When You’re Ready, Take A New Approach To Dating

The best way to overcome rejection is to get your confidence back by getting back out in the dating pool. This time around you’ll want to take a brand-new approach to dating.

Instead of looking for the love of your life in a profile, put yourself in the dating lab by dating with non-attachment. First use dating as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Don’t go all in with the first person who likes you, slow down the dating process and delay exclusivity so you can choose with your brain and your heart in alignment.

Overcoming rejection requires you to break your old dating patterns. Dating with non-attachment creates wonderful opportunities for you to connect with the right person rather than jumping into a commitment with a stranger.

Here’s how to get over rejection so you’re never blindsided again:

When you’re ready to start dating, slow down the dating process and observe your habits and patterns. This strategy actually speeds up the process of meeting your soulmate. Take your time before jumping into exclusivity and really get to know someone before making a commitment.

If you’re still wondering how you haven’t found the right match for you yet, check out this video here: The Real Secret To Finding Your Soulmate.

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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