Should I Text Him & 9 Other Dating Communication Challenges Women Face Today
You’ve met a great guy, but you haven’t heard from him for a few days, and you really want to see him. The question that keeps running through your mind is, “Should I text him?”
Early on in a new relationship, you have an opportunity to establish healthy communication patterns and texting is a big part of that early dating process. Knowing when, how, and how often to text him will help nurture your budding relationship.
However, texting isn’t the only communication challenge you can face. Some minor communication challenges can fester and become bigger issues in the relationship. Obvious deal breaker communication issues can show up right away, but if you don’t know what you’re looking for they can easily be missed.
Remember, the dating process is a selection process so becoming clear on how you would like your future spouse to communicate with you is essential to choosing an ideal partner.
Asking yourself, “Should I text him?” is not necessarily a sign of insecurity. Just like in any new relationship you want to put your best self forward without twisting into a pretzel to please a stranger. Evaluating your own communication strategies should come BEFORE judging his.
Don’t let a communication breakdown get in the way of evaluating an ideal match for you. There is no person on earth that you will not have miscommunication or conflict with, so it’s best to know how to assess the strategies of a potential match to see if there is a way to get back on the same page again.
Looking out for communication challenges will allow you to take steps to nurture the contact between the two of you. This way you can decide whether to select and move forward to discover more, or to deselect a potential match and move on.
Should I Text Him & 9 Other Dating Communication Challenges Women Face Today
Should I Text Him?
Should you text him first or wait for him to reach out to you? What if you’re free on Saturday and you want to make sure you see him?
The rules around texting can seem confusing but in fact they are pretty straightforward when you educate yourself on the dating to mating dance. A man who is interested in a relationship with you will pursue you for a relationship. If he’s not reaching out to you to see you again, then reaching out to schedule a date with him will flip the energetics and possibly cause you to waste your time with a man who is not relationship ready and only wants a convenient friend with benefits.
This doesn’t mean that you cannot ever text him first because in specific situations you’ll want to reach out to him. Letting him know that you enjoyed your last date or that you miss the sound of his voice can be prompts for him to reach out to you. But if you are always the one initiating contact, then stop and see if he steps up. You’ll discover right away whether he is serious about you or not.
When asking yourself, “Should I text him?” discover your end goal first. If you’re looking for a life partner, you’ll want a man who is willing to pursue you and claim you to take you off the market. And yes, this is true if you’re 25, 45, or 65 so keep reading to discover why these strategies are timeless.
Texting Is Best Kept Simple
Text communication is best used for logistical information. “What time are we meeting on Saturday?” “I’m parking the car and I’ll see you in a few.” “I’m seated in the back of the café.”
Emojis have made it easier to express emotion via text, but there is very little nuance or subtlety in a heart or a smiley face. Any conversation that is important should happen either face-to-face or on the phone. Having important conversations via text creates too much opportunity for misinterpretation and misunderstanding because there is no tone in text.
The way our minds are designed is to fill in the blanks (and this is true with every situation you’re in). So, text communication leaves a lot of space to fill in, and you are filling in the blanks along with the person on the other end. It’s difficult to be on the same page without the nuances of hearing a voice, seeing facial expressions, and body language.
Instead of worrying, “Should I text him?” make sure your important conversations are happening face to face.
How To Get Him To Call You Instead Of Text
Texting is super easy and doesn’t require much effort. That’s why a lot of guys will just text and not call you. Plus, it seems like no one takes the time to listen to a voicemail anymore.
What if you want to hear his voice, or you just don’t like texting? How do you get him to call you instead of text?
The key is to inspire him to call you instead of complaining that he isn’t. Let him know how you feel when you hear his voice. You can be playful and let him know that you’re beginning to wonder if you remember what his voice sounds like.
When he does call, let him know how much you appreciate it, and if you’re the woman for him he’ll change his habits quickly.
When wondering, “Should I text him?” keep in mind the kind of communication you prefer. You do not want to set up a habit of texting with him to then try and change it down the road.
Beware Of Expecting A Mind Reader
In a perfect world, your soulmate will intuitively know what your needs and wants are and fulfill them without you having to ask. Holding on to this fantasy creates disappointment, frustration, and heartache. Attraction and deep love do not come with mind-reading powers.
On other hand, analyzing every little thing he does looking for the hidden meaning will leave you feeling confused, anxious, and frustrated. Looking for clues that he likes you probably means that he doesn’t like you as much as you want him to.
Communication is the key to getting your needs met. Ask for what you want and need. Share with him how you feel. Talk with him about your desires and your goals in the relationship.
If you desire lasting love, study communication. This is the #1 skill you must possess for love to grow deeper over time. Knowing if you should or should not text him will not be the deciding factor to discover if the relationship has legs.
Pay Attention To His Actions – Not His Words
Most people are conflict avoidant so keep this in mind when having discussions with the guy you’re dating. Some may agree to your requests but never follow through. Others profess their love for you, but don’t make the effort to see you regularly. Just because a guy is charming doesn’t mean he is an ideal match for you (or that he is looking for a relationship with you).
A man shows you what is important to him by his actions. He puts time, energy, and resources into the things that he values. If you are always second on his list of priorities (even though he swears how much he likes you), then maybe you aren’t as important to him as he says.
A man who wants a relationship with you will let his intentions be known, he will want to take you off the market and claim you. The man who desires to make you happy will respond to your requests by adjusting his actions to deliver what you need. If you pay attention to his actions (not his words) you won’t have to ask him where the relationship is going. You will know his intentions every step of the way.
You cannot make someone fall in love with you. All the tips about flirting and what to wear on a date can certainly present you in your best light. Paying attention to his actions will give you insights that you will never see if you’re only listening to what he says.
Avoiding Conflict Avoids Opportunities For Intimacy
Conflict and miscommunication are unavoidable in a romantic relationship. Through the dating process do not iron out the bumps. The discord allows an opportunity to see if you can create a deeper connection and understanding of each other. Avoiding conflict will create a rift between the two of you as anger and resentment build up over time.
Ultimately, you want to be loved and appreciated as you are. This means you must speak up about issues that are uncomfortable, and it is imperative to clean up your behavior when it is not kind or loving.
Conflict can be scary, but it can also be a doorway to a deeper connection if you take a mindful approach to it. Keep yourself calm and share your truth. Allow your partner to share his side. You don’t have to agree on the issue, but if you approach conflicts with compassion and respect, you’ll feel more emotionally connected than before the disagreement.
Let Him Know Whether To Listen Or To Help
Ladies do not treat your man like a girlfriend. Running through the laundry list of what went wrong during your day can frustrate him. Men are wired to help and to fix, and the fact that a man cares about you means he wants to help you.
He’s wired to solve your problems when you bring them up (it’s part of his DNA). So if you want to enlist his help to solve a problem that’s awesome. If you want him to just listen let him know that because he’ll automatically be in the mode to try and fix everything for you.
It’s okay for you to vent, and another option is to call a girlfriend because he will instinctively start offering up suggestions and solutions to your problems.
This one communication contrast between men and women has been the downfall of many marriages. To create harmony in your relationship evaluate your goal – are looking for a sympathetic ear or a fixer?
Acknowledge And Appreciate Him
Okay, do you want your mind to be blown? Men are not reciprocal by nature. They are more focused on efficiency.
If you are taking care of something, he will not recognize the odd look on your face – that subtle hint that you would like some help. Instead, he’ll put his energy elsewhere because he sees that you are taking care of that thing. It would never dawn on him to assist you because he sees you as a capable person.
Don’t fall into the trap of doing too much in your relationship expecting that your man will step up and help you out.
The fuel a man runs on in relationship is acknowledgment and appreciation. Let him know that you appreciate something he’s done, and he will continue to do it. Or make a direct request and when he fulfills it acknowledge and appreciate his actions.
A little goes a long way when you understand how to communicate to achieve your desired result.
Share What Matters To You
Another way to state this is to date the way you want to mate. Instead of withholding your desires for marriage and a family share upfront that these are your relationship goals.
You don’t have to say that you want children within the next 2 years on a first date but do share that being a mother is something that is important to you. If you scare him off, then be grateful you didn’t waste time with someone who ultimately doesn’t want the same things out of life as you do.
It’s not your common interests in hobbies or entertainment that will help your relationship stand the test of time. It’s the fact that the two of you are on the same page about what really matters. When you agree about how you want to live your lives and you share the same values then it’s easy to get back on the same page when there is a disconnect.
It’s time to stop worrying and asking yourself “Should I text him?” Instead, start communicating in a way that creates a deeper connection and intimacy right from the start.
The dating process is a selection process that takes some time. If you wanted to lose 30 pounds you wouldn’t expect to do that in just a couple of weeks. Selecting a life partner means you must risk and be yourself.
If that terrifies you a little bit or a lot then you are not alone. Rather than jumping in with both feet the moment the guy across the table makes your heartstrings flutter, you can slow things down by evaluating his capacity to meet your needs.
Are you ready to take a new approach to dating that helps you attract a relationship that stands the test of time? Download our free report, The 7 Steps To Soulmating, and you’ll receive our top dating strategies that have helped thousands to change their love patterns and finally create their soulmate relationship.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.