11 Instincts Every Confident Woman Has About A Man Before She Says Yes To A First Date

Dating can often be intimidating, especially if you’re getting over a breakup or haven’t been on the market in a while. How do you overcome fears and insecurities so you can approach dating like a confident woman with a plan for finding lasting love?

To give your confidence a boost try modeling the strategies of confident women who’ve successfully found lasting love with an ideal partner.

When you’re confident you can trust your instincts, avoid wasting your time on guys who aren’t serious, and use your discernment to find a good match. Without confidence, you may worry too much about trying to impress him instead of evaluating if he’s a good match for you. You may ignore obvious red flags while twisting into a pretzel trying to win his approval.

Instead of being fixated on whether he likes you or worrying about winning his approval, trust yourself by being in charge of your dating strategies. You may not feel confident today, but if you practice new skills while dating you can become the next confident woman who finds the lasting love she desires and deserves.

11 Instincts Every Confident Woman Has About A Man Before She Says Yes To A First Date

  1. She Can Tell The Difference Between A Guy Who Wants A Relationship & One Who Doesn’t

Men who are looking for a relationship behave differently than guys who are looking for companionship or just a hookup. A confident woman knows how to tell the difference and doesn’t waste her time wondering where the relationship is going.

A man looking for a relationship with you will pursue you for a commitment. He’ll reach out and book you for a date in advance. He’ll text or call you regularly. This man will want to find out how to make you happy and win your heart.

A guy who doesn’t want a relationship will let you do all the work. And he’ll disappear if you put too many hurdles in his way. He’s only looking for a convenient plus one for plans he’s already made for himself.

A confident woman will evaluate if the man she’s planning a date with is actually interested in a relationship. And if she discovers he’s not, she’ll quickly move on.

  1. A Confident Woman Knows She Can Be Herself, No Matter What

Twisting into a pretzel to earn love is exhausting. Eventually, you’ll tire of holding an unnatural shape and relax back to your true self. This can be very confusing for a man because suddenly you’re switching gears and sending mixed messages.

A confident woman won’t waste her time by putting her lovability in the hands of a stranger. She knows she’s worthy of love and she’ll show up authentically from the start, letting the chips fall where they may. If a guy isn’t into her, she knows there’s a man out there who will be, and she trusts that everything is working out for her highest good.

  1. She Knows That Finding Love Requires Risking Her Heart

Searching for love is always going to feel a little risky. Your heart is in jeopardy every time you invest in a romantic relationship. You simply won’t find the lasting love you desire without having to risk your heart — it’s just not possible.

A confident woman instinctually knows that she can mitigate the risks by being clear on the kind of man she’s looking for. She knows how to share her feelings as well as her thoughts to create an emotional connection.

Most importantly, a confident woman knows not to be fooled by instant intimacy. She takes things slowly through the dating process knowing that the right man for her will be patient and take time to earn her trust.

  1. A Confident Woman Dates With Discernment

If you’re hyper-focused on whether he likes you or not, you’re missing out on discovering whether he’s actually a good match for you. Just because you find a guy super-hot and you’re into him doesn’t mean that he’ll be an ideal life partner.

A confident woman knows who to select and who to deselect for a relationship. She has an intuitive understanding of what’s important to her. She’ll evaluate a guy’s capacity to deliver what she needs. And she doesn’t put on rose-colored glasses just because she’s attracted to him.

  1. She Feels Confident Asking For What She Wants And Needs

You can’t expect your date to have mind-reading powers and just magically know what would bring you joy or have you feeling cherished. When you have predetermined criteria of behaviors you need from a date, you can miss out on a perfect match for you.

Just because he doesn’t open the car door for you doesn’t mean that he isn’t willing to do it. But how would you know if you just expect him to and never ask?

A confident woman is comfortable asking for what she wants and needs from a guy on a date. She knows that discovering early on if he’s willing to make her happy or not will save her time in the long run.

  1. A Confident Woman Knows How To Set A Boundary

There are some behaviors that are unacceptable, even before a first date. If you don’t set and keep clear boundaries you give a guy permission to continue behaving badly.

You teach people how to treat you, and if you don’t set boundaries, you’re allowing a guy to treat you however he wants.

A confident woman trusts herself to set a boundary and keep it, so she doesn’t find herself enmeshed in a relationship with a guy who is looking to take advantage of her or doesn’t have her best interests at heart.

  1. She Knows When To End A Date

It’s common on a first date for a man to start with a casual meeting and have plans to extend the date if all goes well. If you two hit it off, he’ll want to continue the date and possibly take you to a second location. If you’re interested in him, you may make the mistake of going along with his plan to spend more time together.

A first meeting should be short, no longer than 90 minutes (ideally shorter, about an hour). The purpose of a first date is to confirm he is who he says he is, see if you enjoy being in his presence, and if there’s an opportunity for something more to develop. Marathon first dates may sound romantic, however, that initial intense connection with a stranger is just a familiar dynamic that sucks you in only to chew you up and break your heart all over again.

A confident woman knows she’s the prize and that a man who’s interested in a long-term relationship will allow her to set the pace. For a first date, a confident woman will want to keep him wanting more.

  1. A Confident Woman Knows He’s Not Her Only Chance At Love

Don’t get trapped by the false belief that you’ve captured a unicorn and if this one gets away you’ve missed out on your soulmate. You don’t have to scour the earth trying to find your other half.

Dating is a process and it’s just as important to know who to deselect as it is to know who to select. A confident woman knows that she must date someone for a while before becoming emotionally attached or physically intimate.

She knows that love is a choice, not something fated to be or not to be. She trusts that if things don’t work out with her current date, she’ll have plenty of opportunities to meet other men. A confident woman lives by the mantra, “This or better!”

  1. She Knows Her Past Doesn’t Predict Her Future

Just because you’ve struggled in the past and found lasting love difficult to find, doesn’t mean that you’re destined to be alone. You can make new choices and change your strategies for love.

Focusing on past mistakes and heartbreaks will sap your motivation to date and leave you feeling apathetic or cynical. Instead, you can learn from past hurtful experiences and learn new dating strategies.

A confident woman knows that her past doesn’t predict her future. She trusts in her ability to change her strategies when they don’t reap the desired result. She knows everything is working out for her highest good, and when she’s challenged, she is willing to get help when she can’t do it on her own.

  1. A Confident Woman Doesn’t Fret Over A Disagreement

Most people are conflict avoidant and take a disagreement with their date as a sign that he’s wrong for her. Avoiding conflict doesn’t make the issues go away. It just plants the seeds for anger and resentment down the line.

Every interaction with another human being provides an opportunity for a misunderstanding or disagreement. You may even have a conflict on the first date with the man who ends up being your soulmate.

A disagreement on its own isn’t a sign that things won’t work out between you. It’s only a red flag if you can’t repair and reconnect. How the two of you handle conflict will tell you everything you need to know about if the relationship has legs.

A confident woman can communicate authentically about what’s upsetting her. She can take responsibility for her own triggers and not try to appease her date to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. She knows that conflict can be a doorway to a deeper connection when it’s handled mindfully.

  1. She Knows She Can’t Say Or Do The Wrong Thing With The Right Man

There are no mistakes on the path to lasting love. If things don’t work out, you can use the situation as an opportunity to learn about yourself and possibly change your approach. Constantly worrying about what you may have said or did will eat away at your confidence.

A confident woman takes every opportunity to discover about herself and grow. She intuitively knows that with the right man they’ll always find their way through disagreements and conflicts together. And if things don’t work, she knows that there’s an ideal match who’s willing to stick with her, no matter what.

She knows that with the right man she can’t say or do the wrong thing.

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It comes from experience and from learning to trust yourself. This requires that you be okay with learning something new, being willing to change your strategies for finding love, and take new actions when necessary. Lasting love doesn’t just magically happen because you’re fated to be together. With the right person you choose each other again and again and again – and that can feel magical.

A confident woman has a plan in place so she can date for a soulmate. With that road map in hand you can trust your instincts because you have a system in place that guides you through the process.

If you’re struggling with your confidence and want to improve your chances of creating long-lasting love, join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session. We’ll help you create a custom plan for the soul-satisfying love you desire and deserve.

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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