So You’ve Chosen To Be Perpetually Single? 5 Lessons To Take From People Who Choose Singlehood

There’s nothing wrong with being perpetually single. If you’ve chosen it consciously, it can be a lifestyle that brings you tons of freedom and very few entanglements. The key is that it’s a choice you’re making for your highest good, and not because of a limiting belief or because you don’t want to be hurt again.

The desire to partner up and procreate is an integral part of being human, it’s built into species survival. Humans are social animals who thrive in healthy communities. This doesn’t mean that you are required to mate for life with one person. You can be perpetually single and happy with your life if you do it for the right reasons.

So, how do you know if you’re choosing to be perpetually single as a lifestyle choice or doing it for the wrong reasons?

5 Lessons From People Who Chose To Be Perpetually Single

  1. They’re Not Afraid Of Being Hurt

Those who are perpetually single by choice are not afraid of being hurt, they simply have other ambitions in life. Partnering up, or even having sex is a distraction for them. They may be asexual and not driven by hormones. Personal relationships are not a priority for them because they may have a calling for something much bigger in life. They cherish their alone time and are thrilled they can do as they choose without having to answer to or accommodate anyone else.

  1. They Have A Spiritual Calling

All the sages say, “Know thyself,” and these people may delve deep into a spiritual practice. Not all will take a vow of celibacy, but many remain celibate for years, even decades. For these people, the desire to create a connection to God, Source, Universe, or any higher power replaces the need for romantic relationships. They are fulfilled by a different calling than most people and their relationship with themselves takes a priority over any romantic entanglements.

  1. They Never Worry About Ending Up Alone

Choosing to be perpetually single means you don’t have a secret desire to fall madly in love with someone… someday. These people aren’t licking their wounds or wishing and hoping someone would show up out of the blue to change their life (like in a movie). They are content with their lives exactly as they are. They simply don’t care if they find the love of their life, because it’s not even on their radar, much less a priority. They’re not worried about ending up alone because they’re choosing to be alone on purpose.

  1. They’ve Taken Responsibility For Their Choice

People who consciously choose singlehood aren’t blaming someone else for putting them in this predicament. They know their reasons and they own them. They’re not looking to blame anyone or have an ax to grind, they’ve simply decided that being on their own is exactly how they want their life to be. They aren’t settling with being alone — they relish it!

  1. They’re Not Setting Expectations Based On Past Experiences

People choose to be perpetually single because it’s a lifestyle they desire, not because of disappointment or the pain of heartache. They’re not letting their past dictate how they choose to live in the present, or what may be possible for them in the future. They aren’t hurt or angry that their love life didn’t turn out differently.

The choice to be perpetually single can be an empowering decision, however, many people are settling with singlehood instead of taking action to have a thriving love life with an ideal mate.

5 Signs You’re Justifying Your Singlehood (aka Settling)

  1. You’re Protecting Your Heart

If your choice to be perpetually single is a way to avoid having to risk your heart, you’re essentially trying to protect yourself from future pain. Building a fortress around your heart won’t protect you forever, someone in your life could still hurt you. Instead of avoiding connecting with someone special, invest time in healing your heart. It’s the only way to put the past behind you so you can allow love in again.

  1. You’re Not Good With Boundaries

If you’re afraid of losing yourself or going into sacrifice in a relationship there are options besides settling with being perpetually single. Use time alone to get in touch with things that bring you joy and get clear on your goals in life. Most importantly develop healthy boundaries. When you’re ready to get back into the dating game, you can focus on finding someone who shares your dreams and goals.

  1. You Don’t Value Yourself

If you’re fixated on giving your love to someone who doesn’t offer love back, you lack self-esteem. Knowing that you are worth loving is an inner transformation that will change your outer experience. When you value yourself, you’ll find a partner who respects and cherishes you.

  1. You Have Unrealistic Expectations

You might be single because you’ve set the bar too high. If you’re expecting that you’ll never have conflict or miscommunication with your beloved you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Lasting love requires a skill set that includes turning conflict into a deeper connection. No person is perfect, but there is someone who is perfect for you. Healing your core wound will allow you to let love in even though it’s messy.

  1. You Have Limiting Beliefs About Love

If you’ve resigned yourself to being perpetually single because you think love won’t last, or you’re unlovable, or that love has to come from one specific person — you’re experiencing limiting beliefs. These false beliefs keep you stuck in a pattern of heartache. This is one of life’s most valuable lessons because when someone you love hurts you it’s an opportunity for growth. Don’t shoot the messenger, we can assure you at some point you’ll thank us for telling it to you straight. Fooling yourself by staying single will only drag out your pain.

Giving up on love because you’ve been hurt is like eating a bad meal at one restaurant and deciding to never eat out again. Let us show you another way so you can share your life with the love of your life. Schedule a Soulmate Strategy Call with us to see if you’re a fit for our upcoming virtual intensive. WARNING: This is only if you want to change your love life for good.

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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