Self-Care Is NOT Always Sexy…

With news of the Coronavirus spreading around the world, self-quarantines and social distancing becoming the norm for the next several weeks now is a great time to dedicate time to self-care and to keeping your heart open.

Fear can spread faster than any virus. Take these steps to nurture self-love and self-care and you’ll find it is easier to access love and faith when everything around you seems to be falling apart.

To emotionally survive times of fear and chaos, think of yourself as a spiritual warrior bringing love to the world around you (even if you are home alone). Take commonsense actions to protect yourself, your health, and keep a positive attitude. Place your faith in the love and protection of God/Goddess/The Universe/Jesus/Moses/Allah (whatever higher power you pray to).

Affirm to out loud, “Whatever I fear, I am protected. I will use my reason, will, and action to keep myself safe. I trust in the universe to take care of the rest.”

Keeping a positive outlook while being realistic about your current circumstances is the key to getting through chaotic times.

Use this time to introspect, meditate, renew your spiritual practices, brush up on a hobby or start a new one. Keep informed but don’t get caught up in the hourly drama of the news cycle.

Now that your normal routine has been scrapped, you can create a new one that puts your own self-car on the front lines so you can develop new habits that stick with you once the crisis is over.

Self-Care Is Not Optional

Whether times are chaotic or relatively calm, self-care is not optional and it’s not all bubble baths and mani-pedis. Self-care means you put your well being first and foremost.

This is often the toughest lesson for people to put into consistent action.

One of the most insidious myths of accidental love is that Love = Sacrifice. If we are selfless enough and focus on the needs of others we will get the love we want.

We’ve heard from countless women in our community that they gave and gave in their relationships, hoping that would lead to their partner reciprocating in the same way.

Unfortunately, they discovered that all of their giving lead to feelings of anger and resentment, wondering, “When is it my turn to get my needs met?”

We’re here to remind you of the truth: Love does not equal sacrifice.

In order to create soul-satisfying and long-lasting love, you must treat yourself as you wish for your Beloved to treat you. Right now with the state of the world, it is imperative that you treat yourself with loving-kindness.

Comfort Is Overrated

No one ever changed their life by staying comfortable. You must first take new actions – ones that are in alignment with your heart’s desire. This is how you create the positive changes that you are looking for.

Treating yourself with self-care and self-love may not always be sexy or comfortable. Actually, for most people, it is incredibly UNCOMFORTABLE as they create new habits and release the old ones that keep them stuck.

We have a client currently who is getting used to having what we call “the uncomfortable conversation” with family members and friends. Ever since she was a little girl she was taught to bite her tongue and not speak up about her needs and wants. This left her feeling discouraged, anxious, and oftentimes depressed.

Now, as she is willingly having uncomfortable conversations with her friends and family members, she is discovering a new level of inner peace. She is no longer spinning in her mind about what she should have said, how she should have said it, or why someone is unable to be there for her.

Being authentic has allowed her to create the emotional intimacy that she wants with the people in her life instead of walking on eggshells and running a zillion scenarios through her head of what to do to please others. Her overall level of anxiety that she thought was just the way life had to be is MIA and replaced by an inner peace she had only before only glimpsed.

Expecting that someone will come along and treat you better than you treat yourself is an unrealistic fantasy.

Take New Actions In Order To Change Your Circumstances

Here is a list of actions you can take to increase your self-care and break old patterns so you can create a life you love:

  1. Wait Before Replying To Any Requests

How often do you agree to something in the moment only to regret it later and wish you could get out of the obligation?

It is perfectly appropriate to respond to all requests with, “Let me think about it and get back to you.” Instead of answering right away, take time to check-in and observe how it feels to agree to the request or to decline it. Your emotional guidance system will always steer you in the direction of your highest good.

  1. Fill Your Cup To Overflowing And Be Of Service From Your Saucer

When you are constantly giving without taking the time to re-fuel or re-connect with yourself, you will feel tired, angry, and resentful. Your giving will no longer be coming from a place of true service. Instead you will be giving in hopes that you receive what you need.

Just like on an airplane, if masks drop you will need to put your own mask on first. If you can’t breathe, then you are of no use to the person who needs your help.

If you are empty, then your service will not be helpful to the person receiving it. Make sure you take time to refuel, recharge, and recommit to taking care of yourself. Your overflow will be more than enough for those in need in your life.

  1. Connect With Yourself And Your Emotions In Order To Ground Yourself In Your Own Body

You cannot connect with others if you are not connected to yourself. Take time throughout your day and drop into your body and complete the sentence, “I feel ___ [fill in the blank] ___.” You’ll soon become aware of your default emotional habits that are driving your behavior.

When you are disconnected to your emotional life and your needs, then you can mistakenly project your discomfort and frustrations onto others. Instead, when you are aware of your emotional patterns, you can create clean healthy boundaries between yourself and the ones you love.

  1. Set Up A Weekly Schedule For Yourself That Includes Self-Care Actions Like Meditation, Journaling, Or Exercise

Life will return to normal in the coming weeks. Now is the time to create new habits that can carry over when your regular schedule resumes.

Having intentions to make positive changes in your life is good. Taking actions on those intentions is even better. Instead of waiting to feel better before you take those actions the opposite is true: You will feel better when you take new actions. Create a schedule, track yourself for accountability, and commit to sticking to it.

If you miss a day, be forgiving with yourself and start again. Perfection is not required, only regular consistent actions that move you toward your goal.

You can take a virtual class from any room in your house with your smartphone or tablet. 12 famous museums offer virtual tours – a feast for your eyes and creative soul.

  1. Address Issues And Problems As They Occur Rather Than Letting Them Build Up Over Time

Unfinished projects, unspoken conversations, and neglected issues clutter your mind and your emotional life. You will not find the peace you desire by ignoring the problems in your life.

Find the courage to face up to the small, medium, and large issues in your life. The sooner you tackle these problems the happier you will be. Self-care requires that you pull your head out of the sand and address what needs to be addressed.

If you’re worried about becoming a selfish person – please note that only people who are NOT selfish worry about this issue. Selfish people are not concerned with how they are perceived by others. You will never recalibrate 180° from where you’ve been your entire life.

Instead, become a person who no longer carries anger and resentment that your wants and needs are never taken care of by others. You’ll find you have the resources available to take care of your own needs and wants rather than expecting someone else will do that for you.

Being quarantined with your family, roommates, or a stressed partnership can put everyone’s nerves on edge. When you master the uncomfortable conversation you can turn a conflict into a deeper connection.

Self-care often requires that you do things that are uncomfortable or inconvenient. You may find that you experience resistance and that you don’t want to step through that hot door and do the thing you know you must.

Be kind, compassionate, and loving with yourself through the process.

Love is limitless so refill yourself with your own love and self-care. You are more resilient than you give yourself credit for.

This challenging time in our world can shape you into a beacon of light. Through every situation, there are always gifts to be received.

A disruption in your regular schedule is a great time to re-evaluate your life, make new choices, and create a plan.

Having a plan for self-care will give you the resources to focus on love instead of fear. And love can be just as contagious as fear!

If you’d like some help creating your self-care plan, or you’re ready to prioritize creating a beloved relationship, join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Call so you can receive our expert guidance. We want you to know you’re not alone.

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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