11 Relationship Goals For Grownups Ready For True Love
Do you want to upgrade your relationship skills? Trying to avoid frustration and heartbreak through the dating process? It could be time for you to upgrade your relationship goals and develop new skills for lasting love.
Great relationships don’t just magically happen when you meet the right person. There are basic skills you can develop that will improve your romantic relationship and increase your overall happiness.
Whether your relationship status is divorced, single, widowed, or it’s complicated, you may be struggling to get the love you want. You might perceive the problem as outside of you, like where you live, dating apps, or how old you are.
Or you could look into the mirror and discover how your strategies and beliefs have been contributing to your struggles and make a commitment to getting better at communication, conflict resolution, and ultimately love.
The myth of accidental love is that when you meet the right person it just effortlessly works out. Or perhaps you’ve been burned before putting in all the effort with someone who didn’t reciprocate. It’s enough to make you feel like lasting love is just not in the cards for you after all…
A long-term monogamous relationship is not instinctual, but sex is. Procreation is built into species survival; however, monogamy is a social construct that can provide many benefits with the right partner. Sharing your life with the love of your life is a worthy relationship goal, one that benefits every area of your life!
The secret to success in every part of your life is a fulfilling long-term intimate relationship. This relationship goal is attainable by upgrading your skills in love and learning to create and maintain an emotional bond with someone.
Ultimately, approaching love and relationships like a career will help you create a plan for success. Without relationship goals, you’re left with leaving your love life to chance — like winning a lottery ticket. No matter your age or circumstances you have the power to get in the driver’s seat of your love life.
11 Relationship Goals For Grownups Ready For True Love
If one of your relationship goals is to be loved for who you really are, you have to show up as who you really are. This means speaking how you feel regardless of the expectations (or perceived expectations) of others.
If you’re twisting into a pretzel trying to earn love from someone, or you’re afraid to speak up and ask for what you want you’ll struggle to find an ideal mate. You can’t abandon yourself and go into sacrifice by constantly putting your partner’s needs first. You’ll become angry and resentful over time.
Show up authentically, speak how you feel, and make requests — this is how you can evaluate another person’s capacity to meet your needs and wants.
You teach people how to treat you, so be authentic from the beginning and you’ll never wonder if you can rely on someone through challenging times.
Practice Slow Love
If one of your relationship goals is to quickly find an ideal match, then take things slowly to speed up finding your soulmate. This may sound counterintuitive, but taking things slowly through the dating process allows you to cultivate discernment and select an ideal match over time.
Most people date backwards and give the benefit of the doubt to a stranger. You let your feelings of attraction and chemistry cloud your judgment and ignore red flags or excuse away bad behavior.
It takes time for someone to prove that they’re worthy of winning your heart. Don’t rush to exclusivity. Proceed with caution and date more than one person at a time. The right match for you will be patient with you and will stand out from the rest.
Set Healthy Boundaries
If you have a pattern of abandoning yourself when you’re in a relationship then creating and enforcing healthy boundaries is on your list of relationship goals.
Do you neglect your friendships when you start a new relationship? Stop doing the things you love because your new person doesn’t share your interests?
When you struggle with boundaries, it’s easy to lose your sense of self. You merge with your new partner and feel insecure when they’re not around. All your wants and needs take a back seat to your partner’s desires. UGH! You need a Love Intervention!
The truth is you don’t get love from another person — you share love with them. Know how to refuel and identify your own needs and wants so you can express them. Take time to fill your own cup and then you can be of service from your overflow.
Own Your Half Of The Equation
Taking too much responsibility or abdicating your responsibility in relationship will eventually drive a wedge between the two of you. Knowing what’s your responsibility and what isn’t helps create a healthy relationship dynamic.
If you’re in blame, then your partner is always wrong and on the defensive. If you’re taking too much responsibility, then you’re sacrificing your own needs and wants fostering anger and resentment.
When you blame each other, you’re stuck in a power struggle. Let go of the rope. Your ego desire to be right is pushing you apart. It only takes one person to change the dynamic in a relationship.
Take responsibility for your half and you’ll create the space for your partner to do the same.
Let Go Of Judgment
If one of your relationship goals is acceptance, then let go of judgment. Of all the blocks to love, judgment is the biggest one because love cannot coexist alongside judgment.
Your partner will have different strategies for dealing with life and its challenges. Their family circumstances are different from yours. They’ll have had different strategies for dealing with the same situation.
Judging your differences leaves you both feeling alienated. Instead, get curious about your partner and seek understanding. Allow your partner to be different from you and learn to defer to one another’s strengths. This leads to creating harmony in your home and allows you both to shine.
Treat Your Partner With Kindness And Compassion
Is one of your relationship goals to be loving and to feel loved? Start by treating your partner with kindness and compassion.
Speaking harshly, criticizing your partner’s flaws, or judging their behavior are all ways that you create distance between you. Instead, create connection by imagining your partner as a little child who is struggling to get love from their parents and access empathy for them.
Practicing kindness and compassion for your partner allows you to give them the benefit of the doubt. As the person closest to you, they’ve earned it.
Have compassion for both, the little child inside of your partner, and the little child inside of you. Speak with kindness and love and you’ll create an atmosphere where it is safe to make mistakes allowing love to flourish and deepen.
Learn To Fight Fair
Does one of your relationship goals include the ability to grow love deeper over time? If so, then you’ll want to learn how to approach an argument or disagreement in a way that creates a deeper connection between the two of you.
All couples fight, even soulmates. Some couples escalate while others simmer in a cold war. It’s common to judge and blame your partner when you’re triggered. Learn to take a break when things get heated and then calm your own nervous system.
Once you’re both calm you can come together to repair and reconnect. A conflict can be a doorway to a deeper connection by focusing on communicating your feelings and concerns, instead of trying to determine who is right or wrong. Emotional intimacy does not come from agreement. It’s created when the two of you are authentic about your own emotional stories and take responsibility for your triggers.
Offering an apology and amends when warranted allows you to regain trust and build a stronger bond.
Look For Shared Values
If one of your relationship goals is for long-lasting love, focus on choosing someone who shares your values. Many people look for someone who shares their interests and hobbies and overlook the importance of shared values.
You can survive almost any challenge with your partner when you know that the two of you are on the same page. Just because you both like traveling or country music doesn’t mean you’re in agreement about the importance of communication or family.
Taking your time through the dating process allows you to discover how they spend their time, energy, and resources. This lets you know what is important to them. Having hypothetical conversations about values won’t reveal the truth. Their actions are a better indication of their values, and these are discovered over time. You cannot rush this process of getting to know another human being.
Commit To Lifelong Learning And Growing
Do your relationship goals include the desire to grow together? Make a commitment to your own lifelong learning and growth.
Relationships can stagnate when you stop being curious about each other and don’t put effort into learning new behaviors and strategies for dealing with recurring conflicts. Be willing to learn, grow, and remain curious about your SO. This will keep the two of you on a path to creating a deeper and more fulfilling relationship.
Relationships are a living, breathing system that requires attention to stay vital. Growing apart over time only happens when the two of you stop being curious about each other.
Set Aside Time For Just The Two Of You
If your relationship goals include keeping the spark alive, then you’ll want to set aside time for the two of you outside of your occupations, kids, and other responsibilities.
Your desire for your partner can fade over time if you don’t nurture physical intimacy. Set aside time for just the two of you by setting a weekly date night. Make the bedroom just for sleep and sex. Leave the TV watching for the den or living room, and don’t talk about work, kids, or your problems in bed.
Connect in bed each night before turning the lights out for sleep. Have a gratitude practice of listing five things you’re each grateful for that you share with each other. These rituals allow intimacy to flourish between you.
Make Having Fun A Priority
Having relationship goals can feel like your relationship is a lot of hard work with no play or fun. Make sure to focus on laughter, adventure, and play. The more fun you have together, the more time you’ll want to spend together.
If you’re demanding that your partner is present with you every moment you’re together, you’re setting the bar too high — no one can give you that. Setting realistic expectations allows you to have space for fun and to enjoy one another’s company instead of constantly having difficult conversations and working through your issues.
Don’t let the struggles of life and the tendency to fall into habitual ruts cause the two of you to drift apart over time. Outside forces can only drive a wedge between the two of you if let them.
Regularly update your relationship goals and make them a priority in your life. You’ll create a relationship that’s a refuge from the stresses of the world and gives you the strength to overcome whatever struggles come your way.
Do you doubt you’ll find a partner who is as committed to you as you are to him? Understanding the natural progression that all relationships go through gives you the road map to creating love that lasts. Download our free report, The 5 Stages of Relationship, and discover the path to a lasting partnership filled with co-creation and bliss.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.
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