What Is Real Love Like When Two People Are Actually Honest About Everything?

What is real love like? When you ponder this question what comes to mind? A scene from a romantic movie? A wedding? A scene from your life? Do you still believe in real love?

Real love stands the test of time. It’s when two people accept one another warts and all and commit to a life together. Real love is when they weather the storms together and enjoy the tranquility of the good times.

In order for real love to flourish both people have to be brave enough to be themselves. So ultimately, real love is when two people share all of who they are with each other and continue to evolve and grow together rather than apart.

Here’s What Real Love Is Like When Two People Are Actually Honest About Everything

  1. You Know What Makes Each Other Feel Loved

When you don’t feel well do you like to be left alone? Or do you want to be pampered and taken care of? Most people treat their partner the way they want to be treated, instead of finding out what their partner needs from them. You may even find yourself arguing with your partner about what he/she really needs from you.

Be honest about what you need and ask for it. Be willing to give your partner what they want and need. As long as your needs aren’t in conflict it should be easy to assure each other that you’re loved and cared for.

If your needs are in conflict work together to create a win-win so that both of you get what you want. This may take a little more effort and creativity, but it is most definitely worth it. Constantly compromising with each other is the death of passion, so you’ll want to limit meeting in the mediocre middle.

Maybe you like to receive gifts, but he expresses his love through physical touch. Or maybe she wants to hear how much you love her, but it’s much easier for you to fix things around the house to show your love.

Know what makes you feel loved and ask for it from your partner. Also, be curious about how your partner feels loved and be generous in giving them what they actually need.

What is real love like when you’re honest about your wants and needs? You both get to feel loved and share that love with each other.

  1. You Take Responsibility For Your Words & Actions

One of the most important tools for a healthy relationship is understanding the responsibility equation: “When someone has a problem with you, it is their problem. When you have a problem with someone now it is your problem.”

Are you taking responsibility for your partner’s mood or behavior? Do you blame others when you make a mistake or don’t behave well?

In order to be honest in your relationship, you must first be honest with yourself. Know your triggers and wounds as well as your strategies for giving and receiving love. All the sages say, “Know thyself.” This is poignantly true when it comes to creating real love.

Creating healthy boundaries means that you don’t take responsibility for what doesn’t belong to you. Your partner’s moods and actions are not your own — never treat them as such. By keeping a healthy boundary you can have space for your relationship to blossom and thrive.

What is real love like when you’re honest about your feelings and strategies? You learn to take responsibility for your own behavior as well as create a healthy boundary with your partner that fosters respect and longevity.

  1. You Create Connection — Even During Conflict

Why are people so drawn to creating intimate relationships? Because connection is a basic human need, every person wants to feel loved, approved, and accepted. You want another person to get you and understand you. Most of all you want to belong and know that your partner has your back.

You create connection through authenticity. Being authentic means you’re sharing your experience: your emotions, thoughts, ideas, and even your fears.

Allowing yourself to be fully seen requires some courage and most of all some practice. Particularly when there’s conflict.

Many conflicts happen when one or both of you aren’t connected to yourself and therefore each other. The good news is that conflict shows up to bring the two of you closer together. By sharing your feelings and being honest and authentic about what’s going on with you, you’re able to create an invitation for your partner to share their truth.

Connection doesn’t require that the two of you agree. It does require that you are authentic and that you allow yourself to see your partner’s point of view.

What is real love like when you are authentic even in an argument? You get to create an even deeper connection between you.

  1. You Feel Compassion For Each Other

Judgment is the biggest block to lasting love. When you’re judging your partner’s thoughts, feelings, or actions you’re creating a wall between you.

The only way to release judgment is to discover compassion for your partner’s behavior. Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have. If you or your partner is not feeling very resourceful then you won’t have the best strategies.

Give yourself and your partner some grace. Life can be difficult at times and during these challenges you may not always make the best choices. Have compassion for your own bad strategies and work to develop better ones over time.

Just remember that changing behavior requires practice so don’t expect perfection right away. Effort counts for both you and your partner.

What is real love like when you’re compassionate with each other? You extend grace to you and your partner so you don’t build up resentment.

  1. You Clean Up Your Messes As You Go

Avoiding conflict will never deepen the connection between you and your partner. Conflicts and disagreements show up in every relationship. Part of being human is to accept that you will get triggered. Accept your humanness by being okay with your imperfections.

Problems that are avoided become bigger issues over time. The little annoyances grow into significant frustrations that can eventually erupt into even major conflicts. Don’t be like a volcano bottling up your feelings until you can’t contain the pressure any longer only to spew lava all over the place.

Release the pressure by sharing your feelings and expressing your truth. When an issue arises between the two of you clean it up as quickly as possible. Say what you need to say and then let it go.

What is real love like when you’re honest about the little things? You move quickly through disagreements and spend more time feeling valued.

  1. You Discover Your Shared Dreams, Values, And Goals

It isn’t just common interests that create a lasting bond. Love doesn’t last because of chemistry and attraction alone. Love lasts because you’re on the same page. You want the same things from life. You may have different strategies for getting there, but you know the two of you are rowing the boat in the same direction.

Having shared dreams, values, and goals is the glue that makes love last through trying times. You won’t discover shared values by just having conversations about what’s important to each of you. You discover your partner’s values over time by seeing how they spends their resources — time, energy, and money.

What is real love like when you’re honest about what you value? You know you’ll share what it takes to make your love last.

  1. You Have A Commitment To Healing And Growing Old Together

A healthy relationship grows stronger with age. Couples who grow apart do so because they don’t make the relationship a priority. They harbor resentments instead of mastering the uncomfortable conversation.

When you’re honest about everything you have an opportunity to heal one another’s wounds. With healing you’ll grow closer, your love will grow deeper, and you’ll create the fuel to make sure your love lasts.

You aren’t responsible for your partner’s healing nor is your partner responsible for yours. However, you can create an environment where you learn to love and accept each other exactly as you are, not expecting or needing each other to change. This level of acceptance is one of the most healing experiences you can ever have.

What is real love like when you make the relationship a priority? Your love ages like a fine wine and stands the test of time.

When the two of you are honest about everything you create an environment of openness and trust that enriches your life and your relationship. Avoid the trap of growing apart or evolving in different directions by sharing your truth and by being curious about your partner. Your reward will be a deep lasting love that will grow even better over time.

Are you stuck in a power struggle with your partner? Struggling to get your needs met? If you desire openness, trust, and a stronger connection with your partner, download our special report, The 5 Stages of Relationship and you’ll discover the natural course every intimate relationship goes through. Find out how you can make honesty and authenticity the keys to creating the long-lasting, soul-satisfying love you desire.

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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