Understanding How A Man Thinks Can Make Or Break Your Relationship
Understanding how a man thinks is the key to knowing if he is ready to take the next step with you, or if it’s time to move along. It’s important to evaluate his behavior to see if the two of you are on the same page. When you understand how a man thinks, you’ll never have to ask him, “Where is this going?”
Don’t date backwards by giving the benefit of the doubt to a stranger on a date. Just because you have chemistry doesn’t mean you two have the same values. A man has to earn the benefit of the doubt with you first.
Understanding how a man thinks about dating and mating assists with your being discerning through the dating process ultimately so you can select an ideal match.
In the blush of the Romance Stage of relationship, it’s easy to give the hot guy a pass, and quite frankly the hot guy is used to not having to work hard at getting attention, companionship, and even sex.
Even long term marriages suffer because after spending years together it’s all too easy to fill in the blanks and make assumptions that you’re on the same page even when you’re not. Understanding how a man thinks differently about everything from mundane tasks to achieving life goals can ease unwanted tensions.
Men and women differ in the way they think about dating, relationships, and sex. In order for your relationship to thrive, understanding how a man thinks about you, your relationship, and your future together will give you the clarity and confidence you are looking for.
A man who is looking for a relationship thinks differently than a man looking for companionship.
If you are wondering why he isn’t calling to set up the next date, or why he is texting to see if you want to “hang out,” then you’re missing the fact that he likes you but he’s not falling for you.
A relationship-ready man will drive the relationship forward. He will pursue you for a relationship and will want to claim you. He will push for exclusivity. He will not be ambiguous in his behavior because when he thinks you are “The One” he won’t want to give another guy the opportunity to take you away from him.
Women nest, they plan, they prepare, they make sure there’s a backup of almond milk in the cupboard. A man only hunts when he’s hungry.
It’s important that you don’t make things easy for the guy you want a relationship with. We are not suggesting that you play hard to get or be inauthentic. Instead understanding how a man thinks will align you with how he sees his woman – as the prize!
A man prizes what he earns and has to work for.
If you make things convenient for him – calling to ask him out, making all the plans, texting often to see how he is doing – then you leave the door open for the convenient guy to hang around way too long.
The convenient guy is happy to have your company, to share emotional intimacy, and to get regular sex, however, he is not interested in any kind of long-term commitment. He’s just going with the flow and whatever is easy he will happily go along with.
Leave space for a man to pursue you and you’ll never have to wonder what his intentions are.
He wants to know how to win your heart.
So many men these days feel like they can never win with their spouse. It can feel like there is an ongoing battle between the sexes and men feel and fear they are losing.
The most common complaint we hear from men going through a divorce is that they didn’t know how they could win with their ex. They felt like all that they heard was criticism, and so they ultimately gave up on the relationship.
Let a man know how to win with you and he will be eternally grateful. It also helps if you acknowledge and appreciate his efforts at pleasing you.
A man who cares for you wants to be your hero. He wants to be your knight in shining armor, and in return he wants you to respect him.
It’s easy to imagine that without women in the world, men would still be living in caves throwing feces at each other. The love of a woman has motivated men for centuries to step up and become better.
This doesn’t mean that he won’t support your efforts to change the world. He will be happy to let you lead the way. Let him know how he can win with you by being by your side and by being your biggest ally.
He probably can’t label his emotions, but he does know how he feels about you.
Ask a man how he feels and he may give you a blank stare. Understanding how a man thinks is very different from being in touch with his emotional life. He likely prioritizes his thinking state and doesn’t spend much time labeling his emotions.
So ask a man what he thinks and he will gladly share with you (and you may find out about how he feels in the forthcoming conversation).
It’s not that men aren’t emotional. It’s just they generally aren’t as in touch with their emotions as you are. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel deeply.
Understanding how a man thinks and differentiates his thoughts from his feelings allows you to talk across the brain. You can share with him how you feel, and then ask him what he thinks.
A man will know how he feels about you. He may not always be able to express it clearly with words, but his actions will tell you all you need to know.
Paying attention to a man’s actions will inform you about his values.
He wants to feel useful.
A man likes to try to solve your problems because he wants to feel useful. Men develop a lot of their self-esteem by their actions and their accomplishments.
Just because he is offering his opinion on how you should handle a situation in your life doesn’t mean he thinks you are incapable. Quite the contrary! Understanding how a man thinks will inform you that offering you suggestions is his way of being helpful. Solving your problems is one of the ways he feels useful to you.
A man who cares about you doesn’t want you to struggle. When he hears about your difficulties at work or with a friend, he is looking for an opportunity to see a problem that he can fix.
Understanding how a man thinks differently from your female friends will encourage you to ask him to simply listen. If you don’t want suggestions from him about how to handle the situation you’re sharing about ask him for what you need instead. Make a request before you share what is going on that you would like him to listen and that you need to speak with someone you trust.
Let him know how he can be useful and you will feel supported by him and emotionally connected to him.
He is wired to be efficient.
Because men have traditionally been the hunters and the earners, they will focus their energy on the task at hand. Women are great at multitasking and men are great at focusing their energy.
He will also conserve his energy to be ready for the next hunt or task.
So many women are doing too much in their relationships and they don’t understand why their man isn’t stepping up to reciprocate. Understanding how a man thinks will clear this common problem up quite easily.
Men are not wired to reciprocate. If he sees that a task is being accomplished, his mind thinks it would be inefficient to help. He sees you as capable and will assume you’ve got it handled.
Stepping back will leave space for him to help out, or a direct request for assistance. When women do more they inadvertently inspire him to do less.
Understanding how a man thinks will let you know that if you need him to do something you’ll need to spell it out for him and say it. When he does what you ask then acknowledge and appreciate him. This will inspire him to step up and be your hero.
He does personal growth differently than you do.
A lot of women we speak with are fans of personal growth and spend a lot of time at workshops and seminars that are usually 80% women and 20% men.
If you find yourself complaining that there are no evolved men or that you don’t know where to find them, understanding how a man thinks differently about how to better himself will let you know where to find these self-actualized men.
Men do personal growth differently.
A lot of men like to challenge themselves by perfecting a task or pushing their physical bodies. They are not comfortable sharing their emotions in a public setting.
Instead, they may participate in organized sports, have a workout buddy at the gym, clear their mind in the garage fixing the car, or building some furniture.
There is a book titled Chop Wood Carry Water: How to Fall in Love with the Process of Becoming Great that sums things up. Before enlightenment – chop wood, carry water, and after enlightenment – chop wood, carry water.
Understanding how a man thinks about personal growth and what that means about his desire to become a better man will inform you if he is an ideal match for you over time. Reserve judgment and allow him to reveal his true nature to you over the course of several dates.
Just because he isn’t at your workshop doesn’t mean he isn’t interested in becoming a better person. He just may have his own way of doing it.
Tired of doing it all yourself? Would you like to connect with a true soul partner who has your back? Take the first step toward creating that and book a private session with us here.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.