Getting Inside A Man’s Head To Know What He Looks For In A Soulmate

When I first met Orna, I kept telling her that she was everything I was looking for. I knew deep down that this was the woman for me, even if on the surface I was still just getting to know her. If you’re interested in understanding what a man looks for in a soulmate then please continue reading to find out how I knew Orna was the one for me.

The summer before I met Orna I dated a woman named Susan who I thought was the perfect woman for me. She was a yoga teacher and a meditator. She was a vegan who grew her own organic produce in her back yard. She was dedicated to her personal and spiritual growth. She loved camping and the great outdoors. And she had dark curly hair.

From the outside it seemed I had finally found the perfect match for me. But even though we felt a strong attraction for each other, and shared a lot of similar interests, this relationship was doomed from the start. We had a dramatic rollercoaster time together that crashed and burned within a few months.

When I connected with Orna a couple of months later, I knew rather quickly that this was a relationship that would last. Not only did Orna fit the picture I had in my mind of what I wanted, but she was also a match for me in a much deeper way.

When men are ready for a relationship, they start looking for someone who fits their vision. They stop fooling around with superficial connections and become single minded in their search. When a man becomes clear on what he looks for in a soulmate he sets out on a mission and doesn’t stop until he finds her.

My hope is that by sharing this with you, you’ll have a deeper understanding of what a man looks for in a soulmate and be able to spot a man that is serious about you.

A man wants to know how to win with you.

A man’s self esteem in his relationship lies in his ability to make you happy. Let him know how win with you. He wants to know how to win your heart. The right man for you will make the effort to fulfill your desires; you simply have to let him know what it is you want.

Many men who are going through divorce share with us how they never felt like they could do anything right in their marriage. One man recently told us that his wife would criticize how he did the yard work (she thought he should do it in a different order). She seemed to be forgetting that she had a man who was willing to do the yard work.

Orna told me early on in our relationship that she feels cherished when a man opens the car door for her. I was not raised to open a woman’s car door. I didn’t have anything against it; I just never had a woman ask me to do that before.

It took me a few weeks to develop the habit, and not once did Orna criticize me when I forgot. She simply stood by the car door with a smile on her face patiently waiting for me to get it for her.

I know how to win with Orna by knowing exactly what she wants. I know that if she’s happy then I’ll be happy too. 12 years later I still open her car door, often times showing up the valet.

A man needs to feel appreciated.

The fuel a man runs on in relationship is acknowledgment and appreciation. When you let a man know what he is doing right, then he will feel better about himself and work harder to please you. When you criticize him he loses his self-esteem in the relationship and begins to check out emotionally.

All too often women want to reciprocate when a man does something nice. Reciprocation does not inspire a man to continue taking that action; he would rather hear how he made you feel.

This seems to be one of the most difficult things to teach our female clients. Genuine acknowledgement and appreciation will go a long way to fuel a man to stick by you no matter what. He doesn’t need you to pay for dinner, or buy the movie tickets, just let him know what you appreciate about him.

Regularly hearing from you that he is pleasing you will inspire him to work even harder to make you happy. When he knows that he is the only man that can make you happy he then feels secure in the relationship.

A man wants to know what you want.

He can’t please you or win with you if he doesn’t know what you want. When you share with a man what your needs, wants, and desires are, then he has the opportunity to decide if he sees himself doing that for you.

Don’t leave it open for him to solve. Many men will fill in the blanks with what previous women wanted and assume you are the same. Others will hold back not wanting to make the wrong choice. The biggest fear a man has in relationship is that he will get it wrong and disappoint you.

I once asked a woman out and before we had our first date she shared with me that she really wanted to create a home and raise a family while her husband supported her and the kids. While I admired that she knew exactly what she was looking for, I immediately knew I was not the man for her.

When I met Orna and I saw her passion for her work in the world and her desire to have a bigger impact, and I knew she was the woman I wanted to create a partnership with. Her passion to make a difference inspires me to this day.

A man likes to keep things simple.

Men tend to not be subtle or mysterious. They cut to the chase in their communication because they like to keep things simple.

We had a married client who liked to share the details of the day with her husband in bed before they went to sleep. She easily fell asleep after telling him about her day. He, however, would lie in bed for hours wondering how he could solve all of his wife’s problems.

We coached her to share the struggles of her day with her friends, and address with her husband what she needed and wanted from him during the day so that they could both get a good night’s sleep.

Women connect by talking and men connect by taking action.

Keep things simple with your man by letting him know what your expectations are. If you just need him to listen so that you feel heard, let him know. He can relax knowing that he doesn’t have to fix everything for you.

A man wants to know you’re on the same page.

Longevity in relationship of all kinds comes from having shared values. Whether in business, sports, communities, or families, having shared values is the glue that holds people together.

The kind of woman a man looks for in a soulmate is the one who shares the vision of a life like his. He wants to know what you believe in and what you want to create in your life. He wants to see himself growing old with you.

Having shared values gives your relationship the underlying structure to withstand the challenges that life will inevitably throw your way.

Ultimately a man wants to be your hero.

Knowing what he can provide for you will allow a man to step up and be the man for you. Feeling appreciated for his actions and his efforts fuels him to continue to work to win your heart. A man wants to feel like he is the only man in the world who can satisfy you.

A man looks for in a soulmate the kind of woman who makes him feel like he is her hero. As corny as that sounds, it resonates for most men.

It may not be necessary for a man to provide safety and security, or to be the breadwinner and to provide a home, or to procreate, but there is still a vital need that men have to provide something important. That something is to feel needed in some way. As the woman in the relationship you can let a man know what it is that your man can provide for you.

What a man looks for in a relationship is to have an opportunity to step up and be your hero. Let him know exactly how he can do that and he will continue to do so for a lifetime together.

If you are looking to create a soulmate relationship with your man, then our in-depth home study program, The Science of Creating Love, will provide you with the tools to attract him into your life and to make your love last. You can discover more about it here.

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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