Getting Inside A Man’s Head To Know What He Looks For In A Soulmate
Open Letter from Dating Expert and Relationship Coach Matthew Walters on what a man looks for in a soulmate:
When I first met Orna, I kept telling her that she was everything I was looking for. I noticed a change within myself that let me know this relationship was very different from all the others. Curious to know what a man looks for in a soulmate? I’m going to spill the beans and share with you how I knew Orna was the woman for me.
The summer before Orna, I dated Sarah (name changed for privacy) who I thought was the perfect woman for me. She was a yoga teacher and a meditator. She was vegan and grew her own organic produce in her backyard. She was dedicated to her personal and spiritual growth. She loved camping and the great outdoors. And she had dark curly hair.
By all appearances, I thought I’d finally found the perfect match for me. But even though we felt a strong attraction for each other, and shared a lot of similar interests, in retrospect I can see there were signs from the start that this woman was less than ideal for me. We’d had a dramatic start and our time together felt like being on a rollercoaster… the relationship crashed and burned within a few months.
A few months later when I connected with Orna, I knew rather quickly that this was a completely different level of relationship. Not only did Orna fit the vision I had created, but she was also a match for me in a much deeper way.
When men are ready for a relationship, they start looking for someone who fits their lifestyle. They stop fooling around with superficial connections and become single-minded in their search. When a man is clear on what he looks for in a soulmate he sets out on a mission to find her and doesn’t stop until he does.
My hope is to give you a deeper understanding of what a man looks for in a soulmate so you can spot a man who is serious about you.
6 Things A Man Looks For In A Soulmate
He Wants To Know How To Win With You
A man’s self-esteem in his relationship lies in his ability to make you happy. Let him know how to win your heart. The right man for you will make the effort to fulfill your desires; you simply have to let him know what they are.
Many men who are going through divorce share with us how they never felt like they could do anything right in their marriage. One man recently told us that his wife would criticize how he did the yard work (she thought he should do it in a different order). She seemed to forget that she had a man willing to do the yard work.
Orna told me early in our relationship that she feels cherished when a man opens the car door for her. I was not raised to open a woman’s car door. I didn’t have anything against it; I just never had a woman ask me to do that before.
It took me a few weeks to develop the habit, and not once did Orna criticize me when I forgot. She simply stood by the car door with a smile on her face patiently waiting for me to remember.
I know how to win with Orna by knowing exactly what she wants. I know that if she’s happy then I’ll be happy too. Nearly two decades years later and I still open her car door, oftentimes showing up the valet.
He Needs To Feel Appreciated
The fuel a man runs on in relationship is acknowledgment and appreciation. Letting a man know what he is doing right let’s him feel good about himself and that man will make extra effort to please you. Criticizing him will cause him to lose his self-esteem in the relationship and he may check out emotionally if he feels he can’t do anything right for you.
All too often women want to reciprocate when a man does something nice. Reciprocation does not inspire a man to continue taking action; he would rather receive your appreciation for him and all that he does for you.
Our female clients are reluctant to believe us as if we’re asking them to play some kind of game. Genuine acknowledgment and appreciation will emotionally bond a man to you so he sticks by you no matter what (but you can’t fake it). He doesn’t need you to pay for dinner or buy movie tickets, just let him know that you appreciate him.
The kind of woman a man looks for in a soulmate is one who regularly lets him know he is pleasing you. He’ll even put in extra effort to make you happy.
He Wants To Know Your Desires
He can’t please you or win your heart if he doesn’t know what you want. If you hold your cards close to your chest and never speak up about your likes and dislikes, you’re leaving a guy you’re dating in the dark. Sharing your needs, wants, and desires with a man allows him to decide if he’s willing to do those specific things for you.
Don’t leave your dates in the dark! Many men will assume you like whatever their last girlfriend liked. Others will hold back not willing to risk and make the wrong choice. One of the biggest fears a man has in relationship is that he will get it wrong and disappoint you.
When you speak up and make requests you’re giving the guy you’re dating an opportunity to either step up for you or to deselect himself. Best to know as quickly as possible if the two of you are a match long-term.
When I met Orna and I saw her passion for her work and her desire to have a big impact on the world, I knew she was the woman I wanted to create a partnership with. Her passion to make a difference inspires me to this day. From the start, I could see she wanted the same things from life that I did.
He Likes To Keep Things Simple
Men are not subtle or mysterious. They cut to the chase in their communication because they like to keep things simple. Most men are very much: what you see is what you get.
We had a married client who liked to share the details of the day with her husband before they went to sleep. She easily drifted off to sleep after telling him about her day. However, he would lie in bed for hours spinning in his head wondering how he could fix all the things his wife wasn’t happy about (particularly at her job).
We asked her to share the struggles of her day with her friends and to make requests of her husband during the day so he could take action and feel good about himself and they could both get a good night’s sleep.
Women connect by talking and men connect by taking action.
Keep things simple with your man by letting him know what your expectations are. If you just need him to listen so that you feel heard, let him know. He can relax knowing that he doesn’t have to jump into action.
He Wants To Know You’re On The Same Page
Longevity in relationships of all kinds comes from having shared values. Whether in business, sports, communities, or families, having shared values is the glue that holds people together.
The kind of woman a man looks for in a soulmate is one who shares the same vision for life as his own. He’ll want to know your beliefs and values are in alignment. He wants to see himself growing old with you.
Having shared values gives your relationship a solid foundation to withstand the challenges and curveballs that life will inevitably throw your way.
He Wants To Be Your Hero
A man wants to know that he can provide for you — and in today’s world that does not have to be financial security (even though for a lot of couples that’s still true). Your man wants to know he is the only man in the world who can satisfy you.
The kind of woman a man looks for in a soulmate is one who makes him feel like he is her hero. As corny as that may sound, it really does resonate with most men.
It may not be necessary for a man to provide safety and security, or to be the breadwinner and to provide a home, or to procreate, but there is still a vital need that men have to provide something important. That something is to feel needed in some way. It’s important that you let a man know what he can provide for you.
What a man looks for in a relationship is to have an opportunity to step up and be your hero. Let him know exactly how he can do that, and he will continue to put in the time and effort for your love to grow for a lifetime.
If you’ve been told that you’re cold, or unable to read, or you’ve had a lot of guys simply disappear, then schedule a Soulmate Strategy Call with us. During this complimentary call, we’ll help you create an action plan for the lasting love you desire and deserve. We want you to have your ideal man step up to claim you and be your hero.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.