5 Steps You Need To Take Now To Heal A Broken Heart
You’re not thinking about how to heal a broken heart when you first discover that your relationship has ended for good. You’re too busy reeling from the discovery that your happily ever after isn’t, and probably wishing you could just curl up and make all the pain go away.
A broken heart can pull the rug out from under you and have you on your knees rethinking every step you’ve made in the dance of relationship.
Going on a journey of healing after a heartbreak can feel daunting at first, but we know that you have the ability to heal a broken heart and create love again with another.
How you approach healing a broken heart is one of the most profound experiences on your journey to long-lasting love.
Healing takes time so if you’re just now in the excruciating pain of a freshly broken heart please remember that the world is not going to end. You can rise out of the ashes of a broken heart like a phoenix to connect with the love of your life.
One of our qualifications for becoming Soulmate Coaches is that between the two of us, we’ve made almost every mistake you can make in relationship. So between us, we’ve experienced a lot of heartbreak and heartache.
To urge you forward on the path of healing and moving on toward your beloved here are:
5 Steps You Need To Take Now To Heal A Broken Heart
Cut Off All Contact
Unless you share children, property, or a business, disengage from all contact. Unfriend, unfollow, and yes, even block across all your social media accounts. It doesn’t have to be this way forever, it’s temporary so you can heal.
Having contact with your ex while your heart is still raw from the breakup will keep the wound open and slow down the healing process.
If he suggests that he wants to stay “friends” set a clear boundary that you don’t want him to contact you. You will contact him in the future when you have healed your heart and can spend time with him without the pain of wanting more.
There is a huge difference that people miss between being friends and being friendly. The offer of being friends is generally a way to ease the guilt of the person who initiated the breakup. There doesn’t have to be animosity for you to ask your ex to not contact you. It’s simply a way to get some distance so you can heal your broken heart.
A friend is someone you call to share joy or sorrow, a person you hang out or attend events with, or have over for dinner. If you’re not going to do these things with this ex once you are with your beloved then there is no friendship there. You can be friendly with your ex; meaning if you were to bump into him in the future you’d stick around to for a quick chat.
Rushing into a friendship with your ex right after breaking up leaves you vulnerable to prolonging the pain of the heartbreak. You can’t heal a broken heart this way. Do yourself a favor and nip it in the bud. No contact and time are your two best friends when healing a broken heart.
Remember That He Is Not A Unicorn
One of the biggest mistakes you can make that will keep you stuck in the heartache of lost love is believing that this person was your one true soulmate and you’ll never find another like him.
In order to heal a broken heart, you have to remember that he is not a unicorn. He is not some rare, unique individual. You can (and will) meet plenty of other men worthy of your love. You may even meet someone that you love more than you could have ever imagined loving your ex.
You can’t heal a broken heart when you are stuck believing that you screwed up your only chance at love. Love is infinite and has infinite expressions. You may have lost a relationship but you can never lose love.
The love you are seeking is inside of you. It is this love that you share with another. You don’t get love from someone so you can never lose love from someone.
You create meanings from events – and whether those meanings are true or not, they end up defining you over time because you collect and bundle these meanings together in your subconscious mind which then looks for corroborating evidence to the case in point.
This is a fancy way of saying that what you believe is true about you, or what is possible for you when it comes to love or anything else is based on your past experiences, however, you can break free of those meanings and change them to be more useful to you to create what you desire.
Approach your breakup knowing deep down that even though this relationship didn’t last, you are not broken, you did not screw it up, and you can meet someone even better suited for you than your ex.
Be Kind, Compassionate, And Loving With Yourself
Conversing with your inner critic or worse yet, allowing your inner critical voice to run rampant while you’re attempting to heal a broken heart is counterproductive. It doesn’t matter what you did or said. If he had been the right person for you, the two of you would find your way through the conflict to form a deeper connection.
Now is the time to open up to love yourself no matter what!
You may have not been perfect – it’s okay.
You may have said or done things that you wish you hadn’t – forgive yourself.
You may have good days and bad days – allow your feelings to exist and flow through you.
Take extra special care of yourself like you are the most precious thing on this earth. In truth – you are!
Allow yourself to sleep in. Maybe splurge on something you’ve been wanting to buy for yourself. Go for walks. Spend time in nature.
There is no time limit on grief. So you may find that healing your heart takes longer than you thought, and that’s okay. You’re not on some made-up timetable your brain would like you to be.
The one thing you can count on is that your feelings will shift and change. They always do. When you feel good and you’re in joy or bliss you are never so delusional to think you’ll feel great forever. Unfortunately, when you feel hurt, sad, or in despair your ego-mind will lie to you and tell you that you won’t ever feel differently. We promise you that you will – your heart will heal and you will feel better and you’ll even love again.
When Your Heart Breaks It Breaks Open To Hold More Love
To heal a broken heart come into alignment with this truth. You are love. Love cannot be taken from you because it is you. When your heart breaks it breaks open to hold more love.
The experience you’ve been through has a silver lining – a blessing. The best answer we know of to the question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” is this:
To make them better.
You will in some way become better for whatever it is you’re going through.
Maybe you will discover how strong you are.
Maybe you will get crystal clear on the kind of relationship you want.
Maybe you discover your purpose in life.
Maybe you end up being helpful to others.
Maybe you learn to love yourself more.
You can heal a broken heart by being grateful for the experience you’ve had. That person came into your life for a reason and when you discover the reason you will become a better person for it.
Think of life like a game – you can move giant steps toward your beloved when you discover The Golden Nugget Of Learning. Why were you in relationship with that specific person? It had to be that exact human being for you to gain what you needed to move forward on your path toward your beloved.
Healing your heart means you can have gratitude for even the worst of experiences. Orna has gratitude for having survived domestic violence with a boyfriend who tried to kill her. Matthew went on a journey of self-acceptance after a tumultuous relationship with a woman he had been constantly trying to please.
Once you’ve discovered The Golden Nugget Of Learning the pain of the breakup will no longer have power over you because you’ll be on the other side and changed for the better.
Kill The Hope
Endings are hard because we start a relationship with a lot of hope. So hope is the first thing that comes into a relationship, and it is the last thing to leave. When you kill the hope you can move on and release the other person for the highest good for all.
It may sound cruel for us to ask this of you, and we want you to know that killing the hope is the fastest path to heal a broken heart.
Give up on what you had hoped would be. Really let the dreams and plans you had with your ex die on the vine because this will create the space for something new, something better, to come into that space.
Death is a symbol of change and new beginnings. You can treat the end of a relationship like a death and mourn it. It’s good to put that kind of finality on it. Schedule time in your calendar to feel your grief and set a timer when you do.
You’ll be amazed at how quickly you start to feel better when you stop resisting your negative emotions. These feelings can only hurt you when you resist them, allowing them to get stuck in your body and create disease.
You are a human being – not a human doing. Leave open space in your calendar to just be with your emotional life. Invite a good friend over to just be with you. Cry, scream, punch a pillow, whatever you need to do to allow the emotions to flow through your physical body. Then kill the hope of that relationship ever returning. When you do you will finally be free to love again.
If you are stuck in the pain of a past heartbreak or struggling to create the lasting love you desire, join us for a Soulmate Strategy Session and we can guide you back to love and show you the road map to create long-lasting, soul-satisfying love.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.