This week’s question comes from Kaia:

Hello Orna and Matthew,

I’ve been on a journey of personal growth for a loooong time. ;)

I know that men want to be your hero and I really want to be with a guy like that! And I’m a strong woman who knows who she is and what she wants.

Is this a contradiction?

We all want to be the heroines in our stories, but how can a woman identify a guy who does or doesn’t want to be our hero?

Love you two!

Dear Kaia,

This is a great question! And we’re sure that many women in our community are wondering the same thing – How do I find a man who wants to be my hero?

We believe that many women who, like you, are strong and know what they want are struggling in love because they are using masculine strategies in their love lives.

This doesn’t mean that we are suggesting that you act inauthentically or that you adopt manipulative behaviors in order to appear more feminine. What it does mean is that you understand the difference between what men and women need from a relationship.

Men (and we’re referencing the majority, not all men) like to feel useful in their intimate relationships. They need to feel like they provide something to the relationship. They want to be able to make you happy, or provide financial security, or be able to help solve your problems.

It is hard wired into most men to solve problems, and to fix things. So when they meet a woman who doesn’t need their help, they can feel at a loss. They can feel like they are not needed.

The key, when you are a strong woman who knows what she wants, is to be able to communicate what you want and need from a man, and to acknowledge and appreciate what he is bringing to you.

The mistake so many women make is that they think true love comes with mind reading powers. The believe that their guy will just “know” what she wants and needs and that it is unromantic to have to spell it out for him.

There is nothing more romantic than letting your man know what you want and having him provide that for you!

It’s not that you can’t survive on your own without a man. We believe that woman can accomplish anything they desire. They can be financially independent. They can be happy and be single. They can build businesses and transform the world.

Women are as capable as men.

An intimate relationship that is long-lasting creates interdependence. You don’t need a man when you are dating, however after 10 years together your lives will be intertwined in a way that would make it difficult if you were suddenly on your own.

For a man to feel like he is your hero he would need to know that he can provide for you what you need and he would need to feel appreciated for his ability to satisfy you.

How do you identify a man who wants to be your hero?

Through the dating process you communicate what you want from him and then you watch his behavior. Does he make effort to fulfill your desires? Or does he find some reason why he can’t/won’t fulfill your desires?

Some men will try to convince you that you don’t need what you say you need. Or they will try to convince you that you don’t need it from him. Or they will agree to fulfill your needs but not take any action to do so. It is the latter that you must be wary of.

If you find that you are making excuses for why a man cannot fulfill your needs and wants you are in trouble. These men are not capable of being your hero and more importantly – they are not an ideal match for you.

If a man makes effort towards fulfilling your needs, if he steps up and takes action or changes his behavior, then this is a man who desires to be your hero and should be given a chance.

This kind of man has the potential to be your hero.

Of course, this only works if you are clear on what you want and need in a relationship. And when we talk about wants and needs in relationship we’re not referring to superficial things that ultimately are unimportant. We mean the deeper values that drive you in your intimate relationships.

When you are a values match, meaning that you have similar desires and beliefs about what is really important to you, then you have the ability to create love that can last a lifetime.

Our program, Your Soulmate Blueprint®, guides you through the process of discovering what you really need in order to make love last. This program walks you into your blind spots and uncovers what really drives you in your intimate relationships.

When you know what really drives you then you can find not only a man who wants to be your hero, but also one who is in alignment with what you truly desire. You can read more about Your Soulmate Blueprint here.

We are here to be your guides to love.

Love and Abundance,

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