If You Want To Stop Obsessing About Your Ex, Do This NOW
Are you spending sleepless nights obsessing about your ex? Constantly checking social media to see if their relationship status has changed? Annoying your friends because you can’t stop talking about how and why things went wrong?
It might be time to stop obsessing about your ex, quit the social media stalking, and focus on healing your heart. When a relationship ends, it’s easy to get stuck mulling over why it ended, what you did wrong, or how you can get your ex back.
It’s common to feel regret and sadness when your heart feels broken, but when regret turns into an obsession, it can harm your mental health. Ultimately, this can reveal a deeper issue that may be blocking you from having the lasting love you desire and deserve.
The good news is you can heal your heart, and get back on track to creating a healthy, lasting partnership. One where you’re equally committed to working things out and making love last. But first, you must come to the realization that it’s time to stop obsessing about your ex and focus on your own healing.
So, how do you know if you are just feeling the pangs of a broken heart or if your heartbreak is turning into an obsession?
Signs That It’s Time To Stop Obsessing About Your Ex
YOUR OBSESSION WITH YOUR EX INTERFERES WITH YOUR DAILY LIFE
It’s time to stop obsessing about your ex if you can’t focus at work or are having trouble sleeping most nights. While it’s normal to need time to heal after a breakup, it shouldn’t take over your life and get in the way of accomplishing your everyday tasks.
YOU OBSESSIVELY TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR EX
If your friends start avoiding you or are annoyed with your constant need to talk about the relationship, then maybe it’s time to stop obsessing about your ex. Your friends can be supportive through a breakup, but you can’t expect them to be your therapist.
YOU BELIEVE YOUR EX IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR SOULMATE
A soulmate relationship requires two people to choose each other. You may have felt a special connection with your ex, but this doesn’t make them your beloved. Your soulmate will stick it out with you even when times are hard. You are not destined to be alone because your ex decided to move on.
YOU DESCRIBE YOUR EX AS PERFECT
If you’ve put your ex on a pedestal and think they can do no wrong, you’re in serious trouble. It takes two people for a relationship to work out or to end, so do not take full responsibility for the demise of the relationship. It’s a good idea to remind yourself of your ex’s negative qualities, and your efforts to stick through the tough times.
YOU FANTASIZE CONSTANTLY ABOUT WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
“If only…” There are infinite ways you can finish this sentence and all of them keep you stuck and not moving on from your ex. There is no hypothetical way that your relationship would have lasted. If the two of you could have worked it out, you would still be together. It’s time to let it go and release the fantasy, you’ll feel better too!
YOU’RE CONSUMED WITH JEALOUSY BY YOUR EX’S NEW RELATIONSHIP
Stalking your ex like a private investigator, whether it’s online or off, keeps your heartbreak fresh and the wound open. You can’t heal a broken heart by obsessing over their new relationship. Cut yourself off from stalking of all kinds and focus instead on your own recovery.
YOU’RE TRIGGERED BY PERCEIVED REJECTION FROM YOUR EX
You’ve called and texted and your ex hasn’t responded. You’ve liked a post and sent a DM, but you get nothing back. These aren’t real rejections because you’re no longer in a relationship. Stop trying to get your ex to respond to you and focus on healing your heart.
If you recognize yourself in some of these examples, it’s time to take some steps to heal your heart and move on with your life. While it may feel scary to admit that your relationship is truly over, you can take these steps below to ultimately find love that is lasting and fulfilling with someone that will stand by you.
Here’s How To Stop Obsessing About Your Ex And Heal Your Heart
ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR OBSESSION
You can’t change a problem unless you recognize that you have a problem. Start by acknowledging that you’ve been obsessing about your ex. Proclaim that you’re ready to let them go and move on with your life.
Acknowledging your obsession puts you in the driver’s seat to create changes in the way you approach dating, mating, and relating. Taking responsibility will allow you to reclaim your power.
KILL THE HOPE
Hope is the first thing to enter a relationship and the last thing to leave. It is the hope that it could still work out between you that keeps you stuck and obsessed with your ex. Once you’ve acknowledged that you have a problem, kill the hope that the two of you will ever get back together.
As long as you hold onto hope, your heart won’t be free to love again. This may be the hardest step for you to take, but killing the hope will allow you to stop obsessing about your ex. This may sound harsh, but it is the path to claiming your power and the ability to love again.
TAKE OFF YOUR ROSE-COLORED GLASSES
You’re wearing rose-colored glasses when you focus on getting your ex back without acknowledging that they were willing to leave you. Take time to journal about your ex and the things that made you feel badly. Remind yourself of the disagreements and their behaviors that drove you crazy.
Knock your ex off the pedestal. Acknowledging the truth of what was will help you to stop fantasizing about what you wish it to be. No person is perfect, and your ex probably has more bad qualities than you are willing to acknowledge right now.
KEEP YOUR SIDE OF THE STREET CLEAN
Part of putting your ex on a pedestal requires you to take full responsibility for the breakup. No breakup is 100% one person’s fault. Stop taking full blame for the relationship ending and acknowledge the dance you did together.
It’s important to acknowledge your part in the relationship ending, but you are only responsible for your 50%. Recognize the role your ex played in the breakup. If you want to stop obsessing about your ex, then keep your side of the street clean, but don’t take responsibility for what’s on your ex’s side.
BLOCK ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND YOUR PHONE
Spying on your ex via social media, you are pouring salt in the wound of the breakup. When you respond to your ex’s text or phone call, you are keeping your heart tied to them. Your heart can’t heal because the wound is still fresh. You need time for your heart to stop aching and allow the wound to heal.
Block your ex on all social media channels. Change their name in your phone to “Do Not Answer.” Request that your ex honor no contact for a minimum of twenty-one days allowing you both time away from each other to heal.
FORGIVE, BUT DON’T FORGET
Forgiving your ex allows you to move on and frees your heart to love again. Forgetting how your ex hurt you leaves you vulnerable to be hurt by them again. After you’ve taken time to heal your heart it’s time to focus on forgiveness. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made. Forgive your ex for breaking your heart.
However, forgiveness doesn’t mean that you allow someone back into your life like nothing happened. You don’t want to forget what happened. If for some reason your ex wants to be a part of your life again, you’ll want to know what is going to be different this time. The old dynamic didn’t work. Only a new dynamic could allow the two of you to be friends again.
GET CLEAR ON YOUR VISION FOR A NEW RELATIONSHIP
Stop obsessing about your ex and start creating a vision for something better. Instead of fantasizing about what could’ve been, create a vision for your soulmate relationship. A soulmate relationship isn’t some magical thing that just happens by accident. Instead, you are both committed to working through challenges because you’re better together than apart.
Learning from your past relationships allows you to choose a better partner moving forward. In order to do that you’ll need to acknowledge what hasn’t worked and adjust your strategies in your next relationship. This way you keep growing toward your highest and best self on the search for long-lasting love.
When you are obsessing about your ex, and what might have been, you are stuck feeling hurt and sad. To break this spell, you must commit to new strategies for love. If you’re ready to move on from your ex, here is a roadmap that will guide you every step of the way to create a soulmate relationship. Download our free ebook, “The 7 Steps To Soulmating.” You’ll get our best tips for creating the long-lasting, soul-satisfying love that you desire.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.