This week’s question comes from Brina:
Dear Orna and Matthew,
How do you move on with your life, when the love of your life, your best friend and the father of your child has passed away?
Thank you for asking this question as this is true for anyone going through the loss of a relationship under any circumstance. The first step is to feel the loss and allow yourself time to mourn.
The mourning process takes time. Time is your best friend right now – take the time you need to feel the pain. We know that what we are asking you to do is not pleasant, nor easy, however, moving through this pain will allow you to release it and move on.
You will always have your memories and you have a child that ought to know about his/her father so moving on in your case is simply healing your heart so you can allow romantic love into your heart again.
There can be more than one “Love of Your Life” – if you read this and feel resistance to this idea, it may be helpful to examine that resistance. Love is not something that happens to you… it is a choice. Right now, because of this loss you may not feel whole and complete.
Your job is to love yourself, fully, unconditionally, and with respect. Be kind with yourself. You may want to seek the help of a coach or therapist to support you in the process of mourning.
All losses are difficult and we believe that the most difficult is to lose a child. We have dear friends who lost a child, one of twins. You would not ask them which child they loved more, the one who is with them, or the one who has passed. It would not cross your mind… and yet this is what we do to ourselves when we lose a loved one. We somehow think that love is limited, and only available through one person.
This couldn’t be further from the truth! Your capacity to love is HUGE – it is beyond measure – completely limitless! Trust this to be true for you and allow yourself to choose love again.
We can assure you that your inner dialog is playing a role in limiting your ability to open to love. Our program The Burn Your Baggage™ Formula guides you to releasing fear, anger, sadness, hurt, shame, or guilt from your past so that your heart is free to love again. You can learn more about it here.
Love and Abundance,
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.