How To Know If He’s Falling For You Or If It’s Just Wishful Thinking On Your Part
We get a lot of questions about how to tell if the man you’re currently dating is falling for you. The question usually includes elaborate details about a particular behavior he has, asking us “What does it really mean?” It seems a lot of women are confused about what a man’s behavior really means and are looking for a guide to understand this mysterious gender.
Many men will state upfront that they are not interested in getting married again or that they don’t really want anything serious and yet they will continue to ask you out on a date. Contradictions like this can drive you crazy.
To begin with, we want to point out that most men’s behavior is pretty easy to understand. What you see is what you get. Men don’t tend to be subtle when they are falling in love.
If a man is falling for you, it ought to be somewhat obvious. The only place this gets cloudy is in the mind of a woman who has already fallen.
When your heart is invested and you are unsure where he stands, it becomes really easy to read into all of the subtle nuances of his behavior. It can also be extremely frustrating if he hasn’t made his intentions clear.
How do you know if your wishful thinking has clouded your judgment or if he is truly falling for you?
Today we bring to you:
How To Know If He’s Falling For You Or If It’s Just Wishful Thinking On Your Part
You Know He Is Falling For You If He Goes Out Of His Way For You
A man who is falling for you is willing to go out of his way for you. He is not looking for something convenient and easy; he will find the time to see you despite his busy schedule.
If he is falling for you, he won’t make a big deal about driving over to your part of town (or to your city) to take you out on a date. He will fit you into his life one way or another.
The man who is stepping up to show you how handy, smart, and capable he is wants to prove to you he is the guy for you. He will make adjustments to fit into your schedule; he will go out of his way to do something special for you, and to let you know he cares for you.
A client of ours was dating a guy named Phil who often invited her to attend a basketball game with him. She likes basketball, and sports in general, so she was happy to go along. However, during our coaching calls she shared that she would like more from him. So we coached her to start making requests.
Phil very quickly earned the nickname, “Convenient Phil,” because as soon as our client started asking for more from him, Phil disappeared. He was only interested in a relationship that was convenient and fit his interests.
A man who is falling for you will be willing to do what is inconvenient in order to please you. He will be happy to go out of his way if it means making you happy.
Our client in Warsaw was living in the suburbs when she met her now fiancé. He lived in the city center. Early in their dating, she requested that he pick her up at her home for a date. They had just made plans to go dancing. What she didn’t find out until later was that he didn’t have a car because living in the city he didn’t need one and relied on public transportation.
The night of their date he took a taxi out to her place and picked her up at her door as she had requested. They went dancing near his place in the city (she found out later) and then he took a taxi back out to her place to kiss her goodnight at her door.
Not once did this man let on that he would have to figure out how to honor her request. He didn’t make mention that he had obstacles to overcome in order to pick her up at her home. He just did it; he found a way to do exactly what our client had asked of him.
The man who is falling for you will go out of his way to win your heart, claim you for his own, and take you off the market so that other men are no longer in the running for your affection.
You Know He Is Falling For You If He Makes Plans With You In The Future
A man who is falling for you will make plans to see you several months out. He will invite you on a weekend getaway; he will scoop up concert or theatre tickets and plan time to see you out in the future.
If he is asking you about a show that is several months away, you can bet that he is falling for you.
If he is vague about the future or unwilling to commit to anything more than two weeks out, he’s probably not falling for you. While he may find you attractive and enjoy your company, he isn’t really looking for something more serious.
Several years ago we had a client in London who met her now husband online while we were coaching her. Early in their dating, he had taken note of a band she really liked and surprised her with tickets to their concert when they were in town several months down the road.
Throughout their time dating, he was planning trips abroad with her or asking her to events several months into the future. He was showing her that he saw her in his future and wanted to make sure that they had a lot of romantic adventures.
The man who is falling for you includes you in his future and is not just focused on the present. He sees you in his future and he’ll make plans that include you right alongside him.
You Know He Is Falling For You If He Is Paying Attention To Your Likes And Dislikes
A man who is falling for you will be curious about what you desire and prefer. He’ll be asking you about your favorite things and if you enjoy particular activities. He’ll also be able to make adjustments to accommodate what you prefer.
Many men (especially those without dating coaches) think that if they do what worked other women in the past, then that will work with you too. They don’t update their dating skills or even ask what you want or like. A guy who is falling for you will be curious about you and will want to know how to please you.
A few years ago one of our clients was dating a guy who took her on a picnic. He included all of her favorite foods including a fairly expensive bottle of wine. She couldn’t even recall sharing those details with him, yet it was obvious he had been retaining her likes and dislikes from each date logging them to impress her.
The man who is trying to impress you is interested in a relationship with you. Don’t fault the guy who is trying to impress you, but doesn’t know how. He may be showing off his fancy sports car and doesn’t know that you’d be more impressed to hear about his charity work.
The showing off comes from every part of the animal kingdom. The male of the species shows off to win the female. Birds illustrate this in the most hilarious way with the male bird prancing around with puffed up feathers. Often times the guy who is talking about himself is trying to show off for you.
We had a client get a call from a guy the day after a first date asking if he had done something wrong, that he wanted to know because he wanted to take her out again. She followed our Speak How You Feel Template™ and replied, “I really like it when a guy is curious about me on a date.”
They had a laugh when he realized he had spent the whole date talking about himself. She gave him another chance and after a few more dates he asked if he could bring dinner to her place along with his guitar and play his songs for her. She said it was the most romantic date she had ever had.
You Know He Is Falling For You If He Makes Best Efforts To Honor Your Requests
A man who is falling for you will want to fulfill the requests you make of him. Oddly enough, most women seem to hold their cards close to their chest. They don’t share what they want from a man and expect him to just magically intuit what she may or may not like.
It’s best to speak up about what your preferences are and make requests and see how the guy you’re dating responds. If a man is falling for you, he will make best efforts to honor your requests. A guy who just wants some companionship will want you to just go along with whatever he prefers.
This type of man doesn’t pay attention to what you want or like and just continues to push his agenda. He may have created a fantasy of who he thinks you are and is trying to fit you into his life without paying attention to what is important to you.
One of our clients was dating a man who had moved to another state. She made it clear to him that she had no intention of moving and enjoyed her life where she lived near all of her friends. She wanted a man to share her life in the town she loved.
However, when she would visit him he would constantly drop hints about his wish that she would move to his new town. He encouraged her to visit him more than he was willing to come to her city. After she once again made it clear that she wasn’t willing to move, he kept pushing what he wanted, ignoring her requests.
He liked the idea of her but wasn’t really interested in what she wanted. Making requests allows you to see if a man is interested in what makes you happy, not just what makes him happy.
Many of our clients express how most of the men they meet are reluctant to get on the phone and make plans. They would rather just text at the last minute to see if they are available.
We coach them to make a request about how they would like to be asked out instead of just receiving the last-minute text. Men who are not interested in honoring their requests quickly disappear. The men who are interested in something more are willing to pick up the phone and ask them out.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if this is only true for couples of a certain age, we have found that even our clients in their 20s get asked out in advance, and inspire a guy to call them on the phone rather than text for a date.
You Know He Is Falling For You If He Is Moving The Relationship Forward
A man who is falling for you will make sure that the relationship is not just limping along or stagnant in casual dating mode. He will drive the relationship forward.
There are a number of ways he can do this, he may ask that you two go exclusive, he may introduce you to his family, his children, or his close friends.
You never have to ask the man who is falling for you, “Where is this going?” because he’s showing you every step of the way.
We haven’t really been apart since our first date. Matthew made it abundantly clear all along that he was interested in an exclusive relationship with Orna. Having been raised in Kansas City, MO Matthew usually went back to see his family for Christmas. At one point he made mention of his annual trip to Orna by saying, “When you meet my family at Christmas…” It was a clear sign of him moving the relationship forward.
Don’t settle for a man who likes to be with you, but is comfortable where things are. Wishful thinking on your part will make excuses for bad behavior, for a man not making you a priority, or to be too accommodating and not speaking up as your authentic self.
If you find yourself twisting into a pretzel trying to earn a man’s love you’re in trouble because you won’t be able to twist yourself up for a lifetime. Plus, if you believe that you have to win his affection you’ll be in your masculine energy.
Two masculine energies together create competition and dampen the spark of attraction. No man wants to compete with the woman he is hot for. If you want a man to fall for you then it is important that you win his love by inspiring him to step up for you to be the best version of himself.
Men value what they have to work for. If you’re always accommodating and available it may get you some time with a guy that you like, but it may not get you the lasting loving partner you desire.
You can hope that he likes you, but don’t allow that hope give too much slack to a stranger you’re just getting to know.
Do you find yourself making the same mistakes over and over, getting attached to Mr. Convenient who isn’t really available for something more? Instead of trying to make him change his mind, join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Call and we’ll share the secret to finally having the soulmate relationship you desire.
Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches for spiritual, successful, single women who have everything except the man of their dreams. It is their mission to bust the myth that love is supposed to happen by accident.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.