How To Know If He’s Falling For You Or If It’s Just Wishful Thinking On Your Part

Wondering if the guy you’re dating is falling for you or if you’re misinterpreting his interactions with you? Early on, it’s easy to get your hopes up and start dissecting every encounter wondering if he feels the same as you.

You can make yourself crazy analyzing his behavior and start futurizing, wishing and hoping that this will turn into love that lasts.

You may get tripped up by conflicting information, like when a guy tells you he’s not interested in anything serious, and yet he reaches out to you daily with texts and continues taking you out on dates. Contradictions like this can drive you crazy if you let them.

If he’s falling for you, it ought to be somewhat obvious, so you don’t have to play detective to figure out his intentions. It’s even more difficult when you’ve already fallen for him and you’re not willing to see the clear signs he’s not on the same page as you.

Rather than obsessing about all the subtle nuances of his behavior, start evaluating him through a discerning lens. The majority of men aren’t subtle about wanting to date you exclusively, especially if they’re interested in being with you for the long term.

How To Know If He’s Falling For You Or If It’s Just Wishful Thinking On Your Part

If you’re unsure of his intentions with you it’s time to discover if wishful thinking has clouded your judgment or if he’s truly falling for you.

  1. He’s Falling For You If He Goes Out Of His Way For You

When a busy man with a full life still makes time for you it’s a good sign he’s interested in a relationship. Better yet is a man who’s willing to go out of his way for you — that’s a sign he’s actually falling for you. He will clear his schedule to show up and be your hero and make time to see you despite his busy schedule.

If he’s falling for you, he won’t make a big deal about driving over to your part of town (or to your city) to take you out on a date. He’ll fit you into his life one way or another because he’s not just looking for something that’s easy and convenient for him; he’s looking for a life partner.

The man who’s stepping up to show you how handy, smart, and capable he is wants to win your heart! He’ll adjust his schedule to fit yours; he’ll go out of his way to do something special for you, and he’ll make it obvious that he cares for you.

Dating For Companionship Vs. Dating For A Relationship

A new client of ours was dating a guy named Phil who would invite her last minute to a sporting event or concert. She was happy to go along with whatever he offered. However, during our coaching calls she told us that she wanted more from him because she was never certain about his feelings for her.

We asked her to start making requests of Phil, so she had some idea of where she stood with him. Very quickly we started referring to him as “Convenient Phil,” because as soon as she started making requests Phil disappeared. He was only interested in a relationship that was convenient for him and fit his interests. He had no intention of going out of his way for her because he was only looking for companionship.

A man who’s falling for you will be willing to do what’s inconvenient in order to please you. He’ll make an effort and go out of his way for you if it means making you happy. This is a clear sign that he’s falling for you.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, another client of ours lived in the suburbs when she started dating the man who is now her husband. She followed the dating strategies we’d given her and requested that he pick her up at home for their upcoming date to go dancing.

At the time, she had no idea that he didn’t have a car because he lived in the city center. He didn’t need his own vehicle because it was easy to rely on public transportation.

On the night of their date, he took an Uber out to her place to pick her up from home just as she’d asked. They went dancing down the block from his place in the city (she found out later), and then he took an Uber back out to her place to kiss her goodnight on her doorstep.

Not once did this man let on that there were challenges to honoring her request. He never told her he didn’t have a car of his own. He just did it; he found a way to do exactly what she’d asked of him.

The man who’s falling for you will go out of his way to win your heart, claim you for his own, and take you off the market so that other men are no longer in the running for your affection.

  1. He’s Falling For You If He Makes Plans To See You In The Future

A man who’s falling for you will make plans to see you several months out. He’ll invite you on a weekend getaway; he’ll scoop up concert or theatre tickets and plan to spend quality time with you in the future.

If he’s vague about the future or unwilling to commit to any plans more than two weeks out, he’s probably not falling for you. While he may find you attractive and enjoy your company, he isn’t interested in a serious relationship.

He’s Not Just Focused On The Present

A client of ours in London met her husband online during our coaching sessions together. Shortly after they met, he scooped up tickets for a band she’d mentioned. He surprised her months later by taking her to their concert. She had no idea how he knew she liked their music — he was paying attention from date number one.

Throughout their time dating he planned trips abroad with her, asked her to events several months in the future, and made plans to introduce his family to her. Every step of the way he showed her that he saw a future with her, and he made sure they had a lot of romantic adventures.

The man who’s falling for you includes you in his future and isn’t just focused on the present. He sees you in his future and he’ll make plans that include you right alongside him.

  1. He’s Falling For You If He Is Paying Attention To Your Likes And Dislikes

A man who’s falling for you will be curious about what you desire and prefer. He’ll be asking about your favorite things and if you enjoy particular activities and hobbies. He’ll also make adjustments to accommodate your preferences.

Most guys assume the same strategies that worked with women in the past will work to win you over too. They won’t update their dating skills or even think to ask about your desires. But a man who’s falling for you will be curious about you, he’ll think to ask you about your likes, so he knows how to please you and impress you.

Recently, one of our clients went on a date with a man who took her on a picnic. He included all her favorite foods including an expensive bottle of wine. She couldn’t even recall sharing all these things with him, yet it was obvious he’d been retaining her likes and dislikes from each date logging them to impress her.

Give Him The Opportunity To Make Adjustments

The man who’s trying to impress you is interested in a relationship with you. Don’t make the mistake of chastising him if he doesn’t yet know how. He may be showing off his fancy sports car and doesn’t realize you’d be more impressed to hear about his charity work.

Showing off exists in every part of the animal kingdom. The male of the species shows off to win over the female. Birds illustrate this in the most hilarious way with the male bird prancing around with puffed-up feathers. More often than not, the man who’s endlessly talking about himself is trying to show off for you (and he’s going on and on because he’s nervous).

A client of ours got a call from a guy after a first date asking if he’d done something wrong. He said that he felt like he’d blown it with her, and he wanted to know because he wanted to take her out again. She followed our Speak How You Feel Template™ and replied, “I really like it when a guy is curious about me on a date.”

They had a laugh when he realized he’d spent the whole date talking about himself. She gave him another chance and after a few more dates he asked if he could bring dinner to her place along with his guitar and play his songs for her. She said it was the most romantic date she’d ever had.

  1. He’s Falling For You If He Honors Your Requests

A man who is falling for you will want to fulfill the requests you make of him. Oddly enough, most women hold their cards close to their chest and don’t speak up about their desires. It’s as if they expect a guy to just magically intuit their wishes and preferences.

Making requests throughout the dating process is the fastest, easiest way to stop wasting time with guys who aren’t that into you. Just like “Convenient Phil,” a guy who doesn’t want to step up for you will disappear when you show up authentically instead of going along to get along.

The man who’s falling for you wants to win you over and treat you like you’re the prize. By making requests you’ll find out very quickly who is taking you seriously and who’s just looking to hang out for companionship and convenience.

He’ll Surprise You With His Effort

One of our clients started dating a guy who lived in another state, but his job as an airline pilot often brought him to her city. She told us that she thought he only asked her out when it was convenient for his flight schedule.

We encouraged her to share with him upcoming events that she was interested in. He quickly caught on that she wanted him to come to town for these experiences.

Eventually, he rented an apartment in her city and turned his home out of state into a long-term rental property so he could dedicate more time to their relationship.

Many of our female clients lament to us that most men they meet are reluctant to get on the phone and make plans. They think all the guys just text at the last minute to see if they’re available.

We encourage them to make a request to be asked out ahead of time instead of a last-minute text. Men who are not interested in honoring this request quickly disappear. The men who are willing to pick up the phone and ask them out are the ones interested in a relationship.

If you’re wondering if this is only true with men of a certain age, we’ve found that even our clients in their 20s get asked out in advance and can inspire a guy to call them on the phone rather than text for a date! (Our Gen Z clients are very surprised to find out this actually works and stops wasting their time with “situationships.”)

  1. He’s Falling For You If He’s Moving The Relationship Forward

A man who’s falling for you will make sure that the relationship is not just limping along or stagnant in casual dating mode. He’ll drive the relationship forward. There are a number of ways he can do this, he may ask for exclusivity, or he may introduce you to his family, his children, or his close friends.

You’ll never have to ask the man who’s falling for you, “Where is this going?” because he’s showing you every step of the way.

We haven’t really been apart since our first date. Matthew made it abundantly clear all along that he was interested in an exclusive relationship with Orna. Having been raised in Kansas City, MO Matthew usually traveled back to see his family for Christmas. At one point he made mention of his annual trip to Orna by saying, “When you meet my family at Christmas…” It was a clear sign of him moving the relationship forward.

Don’t Settle For Crumbs

Don’t settle for a man who’s just looking for you to fulfill his desires without being curious about yours. Mr. Convenient will never step up for you the way Mr. Right will. Wishful thinking on your part will cause you to make excuses for bad behavior, or you’ll be too accommodating and not speak up as your authentic self.

If you find yourself twisting into a pretzel trying to earn a man’s love you’re in trouble because you won’t be able to twist yourself up for a lifetime. Plus, if you believe that you have to win his affection, you’ll be in your masculine energy which won’t feel satisfying for you in the long term.

Men value what they have to work for. If you’re always accommodating and available it may increase the time you spend with a guy you like, but it may not get you the lasting loving partner you desire and deserve.

Don’t treat a guy as a priority when he’s treating you as an option! You can hope that he likes you but don’t give too much slack to a stranger you’re just getting to know because you hope he likes you as much as you like him.

If you find yourself constantly wishing that he would step up and move the relationship forward or getting attached to Mr. Convenient, it may be time for a change in your dating strategies. Instead of trying to convince him to change his mind, join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Call and we’ll share the secret to finally having the soulmate relationship you desire.

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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