How Long Should You Wait If A Guy Ghosted You?

Were you ghosted recently? Maybe you thought there was a connection between you and suddenly he just disappeared without a trace? If so, you’re probably confused about what to do next, right?

Once you’ve been ghosted, how long do you wait for him to come back around? Should you text him or call? Or should you just move on? The whole situation can feel frustrating and make you feel like dating is a big waste of time.

One of the reasons people dislike online dating is that it makes it too easy for people to flake out, or simply disappear and ghost you. There are little to no consequences to just moving on without any communication.

The problem with being ghosted is you’re left wondering if you did something wrong. There’s no closure, so you question all your interactions and your self-worth and self-esteem suffer.

Why Do People Ghost In The First Place?

There are countless reasons you can be ghosted and absolutely none of them are about you! Take a step back and evaluate the kind of person who would ghost. Ultimately this behavior reveals a lot about the guy who disappears and says nothing about you and whether you’re capable and/or ready for love.

  1. Ghosting Is A Lazy Strategy For Dealing With Difficult Emotions

The guy who ghosted you doesn’t want to have the uncomfortable conversation of sharing his feelings with you, or he’s confused about his own desires. Instead of finding a way to explain himself just disappears so he doesn’t have to deal with challenging feelings or learn better communication skills.

Healthy relationships require you to deal with miscommunication, conflict, and your inherent differences. The guy that ghosts you is showing you that he’s not emotionally available for a healthy relationship. His avoidant strategies would show up again, and again, and again, throughout your relationship. It’s better to let him go now and find someone that has the skill and willingness to have the uncomfortable conversations with you.

  1. Ghosting Reveals A Lack Of Empathy And Other Negative Qualities

People who regularly ghost are not only avoiding conflict, they’re also revealing negative qualities in their character. Ghosting requires a lack of sensitivity and empathy toward others. He cares more about avoiding discomfort than he cares about hurting someone else. The guy that ghosted you is letting you know he’s on the spectrum from selfish to narcissistic.

It hurts when you’re ghosted. Studies have shown that rejection activates the pain pathways in your brain, indicating a link between rejection and physical pain. The guy who ghosted you isn’t concerned about the pain he’s causing you by disappearing. He’d rather protect himself from discomfort at your expense. That makes him a hard pass for a long-term relationship.

  1. Dating Apps And Online Dating May Increase Your Chances Of Being Ghosted

The very nature of online dating — the relative anonymity, the appearance of unlimited choices, and the lack of accountability — make ghosting commonplace. The very nature of ghosting means he doesn’t have to face any consequences for his actions. You don’t share a community yet, so he doesn’t have to worry about explaining himself to his friends.

This doesn’t mean that apps are bad or that you shouldn’t use them. Dating apps are still by far the best way to meet other singles looking for love. To some degree, the online world is a numbers game, and for success you should take this into account. The most important takeaway is to never take it so personally when you’re ghosted.

Signs Of Potentially Being Ghosted

While you can’t avoid ghosting altogether, you can keep an eye out for certain behaviors to indicate a guy isn’t emotionally available and could disappear at the first bump in the road.

He struggles to make commitments or meet the ones he makes with you. He’s stingy with personal information and doesn’t make an effort to include you in his life. Usually, he won’t introduce you to friends or family, or reveal too much about his personal life. His communication is inconsistent or sporadic. Beware of making excuses when he’s flakey or guarded.

A man who is interested in a relationship with you won’t be subtle about his interest in you. He’ll make an effort to get to know you and he’ll want you to know all about him. He’s able to share his feelings with you and his intentions will be clear from the start. He’ll want to connect with you regularly and will ask you out in advance.

A not-so-obvious sign of potential ghosting is the belief that love is predestined. People who believe in twin flames or a cosmic soul connection are looking for a sign that you’re The One. They believe a relationship with a specific person is predestined, and the magic will be apparent from your first meeting. If they don’t feel an instant spark of connection, they won’t put any effort into making things happen between you two.

What Does It Mean If You’ve Been Ghosted?

Being ghosted has absolutely nothing to do with you! Rather than feeling rejected or abandoned, realize that the guy that ghosted you has done you a favor. It’s better to find out now he’s not your guy, so you can move on to find an ideal match. There’s no need to spend any time wondering or worrying about being ghosted.

Here Are Five Ways To Regain Your Peace Of Mind And Confidence After Being Ghosted:

  1. Don’t Get Caught Up In Sunk Costs

If you’ve invested time with him and feel yourself becoming emotionally attached, part of you doesn’t want to lose what you’ve already put into this possible relationship. The sunk cost fallacy describes a reluctance to change direction or strategy because you’ve already made an investment, even when it’s clear that changing course would bring a better result.

Don’t let your sunk costs keep you emotionally invested in whether he reaches back out to you. It may feel frustrating that you have to start over but continuing to hope that someone who isn’t emotionally available will suddenly change his mind will just prolong your heartache.

  1. It’s Not A Reflection Of Your Self-Worth

Don’t give your power away, no guy is not the arbiter of your self-worth. The rejection you feel doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of love or lovable. Don’t let his bad behavior cause you to feel less about yourself. In fact, if you tell yourself, “Good riddance,” and act accordingly, you’ll feel better much faster.

When you lack self-worth, you look outside of yourself to feel good. You end up giving your power away and allowing others to take advantage of you. You’ll find yourself chasing partners who don’t value you, hoping to win their love and approval. Instead, focus on growing your self-worth so that no one can take love away from you.

  1. Don’t Settle For Convenient Relationships

Some guys are just looking for companionship so they want a woman who doesn’t make any demands on them. He wants a relationship that’s convenient for him and if it isn’t, he’ll disappear. You’ll never be satisfied with this arrangement.

Sharing your life with someone is messy and all relationships require maintenance. There will always be challenges for you to face and you’ll have to make some concessions regarding things you want. A guy who wants something convenient doesn’t want to put in the effort, however, a man who wants a relationship is willing to do what it takes to win your heart.

  1. Don’t Invest Your Heart In A Stranger

Even when you feel a strong connection with someone right away, you still don’t know who he is. You don’t know what he values or if he’s capable of a relationship. Take your time at the beginning to get to know him. Don’t be fooled by instant intimacy.

Regardless of chemistry, you’re still both strangers to each other, you won’t know right away that he’s your guy. It takes time to get to know someone and discover their values. Don’t invest emotionally quickly, take your time so you can minimize feelings of rejection if he ghosts you.

  1. Your Feelings Count and Matter

Just because he’s callous enough to just disappear without an explanation doesn’t mean your hurt isn’t justified. Your feelings are valid. It’s normal to experience hurt and sadness when you’re ghosted. You may need some time to release the hope and grieve.

How Long Should You Wait If A Guy Ghosted You?

While each circumstance is a little different, if he hasn’t reached out to you or explained why you won’t hear from him for five days, you’ve probably been ghosted. He can get busy with work or emergencies can arise that are beyond his control, but if he’s interested in a relationship he’ll communicate with you and want to connect regularly.

If a full week has gone by without a peep he’s ghosted you. Waiting longer than a week means you’re making him a priority without having earned it. You deserve to be treated with respect and to be with someone who values you.

If he reaches out to you to reconnect don’t pretend as if nothing happened. Instead, be curious and pay attention to how he shows up. Does he send a text expressing his regret for not getting back to you sooner and explaining how the circumstances in his life prevented him from reaching out to you sooner? Does he share that he thinks you’re great and hopes he hasn’t screwed things up? Is he regretful and asking how he can make it up to you?

Most importantly, you must find out if he’s capable of changing his behavior consistently moving forward.

Being ghosted sucks but you don’t have to let it derail your search for love. Each rejection brings you closer to meeting the right man for you. If you find yourself stuck in a pattern of short-term relationships, or you just can’t let go of longing for someone who is no good for you, join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session. We are the go-to love experts to help you break free from your hidden blocks to lasting love.

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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