This week’s relationship question comes from Darya:

Dear Orna and Matthew,

Thanks for your work. I always read your posts!! I have a question for you about negative beliefs or patters that lots of people have. To be honest, love is not so easy for me, even if I shifted lots of inner clutter in my life!

So my question is – how do you shift the negative beliefs? I know, lots of teachers talk about theoretical stuff, but how do you use it in real life, I mean real working techniques?

Thanks in advance for your reply.


Dear Darya,

Thank you for your kind words. We’re so thrilled to hear that you have received benefit from reading our newsletter.

Shifting negative beliefs is one of our favorite topics and is the basis of the work that we do. One of the first things to realize is that negative beliefs, while they often cause a lot of pain and heartbreak, are normal and are actually trying to help you. None of our behavior (i.e. thoughts, feelings, actions) is “self-destructive” in nature.

This is so important to understand. We tend to judge our negative behaviors and therefore end up judging ourselves. When we judge a thought, a feeling, or a behavior we are actually strengthening that thought, feeling, or behavior. It’s like feeding it to make it stronger.

Think of it that negative behavior as a dear friend, one who really cares about you and wants the best for you. However, this friend has the worst advice. Does this friend love you any less because her advice is bad? Of course not. Those negative beliefs are your friends, they just have really bad advice.

The first step in changing those negative beliefs is to stop judging them. Once you stop judging a negative belief then you can get into a dialog with it and find out what it really wants for you. Usually it is something basic like love, acceptance, approval, or safety.

Once you discover what your negative belief is trying to get you, then you can begin to teach it a new behavior. This is the part that is difficult to do on your own, simply because will power is not the best tool to get the results you want.

These beliefs have been with you since early childhood. They are the strategies you developed in order to feel loved and safe in your family. The problem is you never updated the strategy once you became old enough to realize there was a better one available.

Our conscious brain is only controlling 5-10% of our behavior. Our subconscious is controlling the rest. And our subconscious is where these negative beliefs live. You have to speak the language of the subconscious in order to access and change beliefs.

We have mastered the art of accessing the subconscious mind and transforming limiting beliefs, behaviors, and emotions in our clients quickly and effectively.

This can be done on your own through tools like self-hypnosis, yoga, meditation, bio-feedback to name a few. However, since you are in the fishbowl of your own life and mind, it can be extremely difficult without a coach or a guide to support you.

In fact, we both go to our own coaches and mentors when we want to change strategies we have that are no longer working for us. Even being skilled at working with our clients, we know that the best way to get results is to work with someone else.

We are offering what we believe is our most powerful group program, The Science of Creating Love™, this summer and we want to invite you to join us. The Science of Creating Love™ is a 7-week course where we walk you into your blind spots and help you transform any limiting beliefs you may have about love.

If you want to join us, you can get all the information you need here:
The Science of Creating Love™

This course was designed for us to support the entire group in identifying and shifting negative beliefs, behaviors and emotions. We would love to have join us so you can experience how quickly and easily these changes can occur.

Love and Abundance,

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