This week’s question comes from Julia:

“Dear Orna and Matthew,

I have been a fan of yours for a long time and the content you are sharing is very inspiring. I have just watched your video “Why Smart Women Stay Single” and I found the points you made totally make sense. However, I have a question after this video…

I understand that a man likes to feel his woman needs him and that he’s her hero, but at the same time when we are too needy? It seems men are scared, feeling lots of pressure, and start running away.

What’s the difference between show him I need him and too needy?

I really appreciate your answer

Thank you.”

Hi Julia,

Thank you so much for your question and for your positive comments. This is an excellent question!

The key is to understand the difference between inspiring the man to be your hero, and needing a man to make you happy.

When you are needy you are asking a man to fill a hole for you, to help you heal a wound. No one can heal your wounds for you – you must heal those wounds for yourself.

Inspiring a man to be your hero is all about letting him know how he can add to the joy that is already present in your life. It is up to you to make yourself happy, and then the man in your life can make you even happier. You can let him know how to make you happier by sharing how he can win with you.

Inspiration comes from a place of wholeness and positivity. Neediness comes from a feeling of lack or less than.

There is another important piece to consider in your question:

Not every man will be the right man for you.

The whole idea of dating someone before making a commitment is to utilize discernment to see if that man is a long-term match for you.

Any man who thinks you are needy is not your man.

Any man who runs away is not your man.

Any man who is not pursuing you for a relationship is not your man.

There should be no man who feels pressure from you through the dating process because it is not the woman’s role to move the relationship forward.

The man’s role is to lead – just like a couple that is ballroom dancing together.

In order to create a beautiful dance ONE PERSON has to lead.

We speak with women all the time who wonder if it’s okay for them to lead and drive the relationship forward. It’s certainly “okay” if that is the dynamic you desire in your intimate relationship.

Unfortunately, many of the women we speak with start off driving the relationship forward and then at some point (usually 3-6 months in) they want the man to take the lead.

It’s imperative that you know what kind of relationship you ultimately want!

Just like when you get in the car, have a destination in mind before you turn the car on. Otherwise you may find yourself driving around in circles and not going anywhere.

You want to date the way you want to mate.

The dating process is meant to be a discovery process.

We suggest putting off a commitment and just date awhile so you can discover who the man is over time. This is easier to do if you are dating multiple people at once.

Most people do things backwards – they date with rose-colored glasses on giving a stranger the benefit of the doubt. Later on when they are in a committed relationship they start to see who this man really is, and they stop giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Through the dating process do not put on rose-colored glasses. Evaluate who this person is, and do not make any excuses for his behavior. He is a stranger and has not earned the benefit of the doubt.

Once you are in a committed relationship, that is the time to put on rose-colored glasses because this man has now earned your trust and should be given the benefit of the doubt.

If you are unsure about this kind of dating process and also want to identify and remove your subconscious blocks to love, our in-depth 7-module home study course The Science Of Creating Love™ is ideal for you.

This program includes 2 transformative processes in each module so that transformation takes place on the subconscious level. That’s a total of FORTEEN processes!


The Science Of Creating Love™ is not for everyone – only those who are serious about making changes in how they date so they can create an ideal mate for soul-satisfying, long-lasting love should consider this in-depth program.

We’ve seen far too many people with good intentions run up against the same roadblocks again and again. So, we’ve created this step-by-step program to guide you through transforming your love life from the inside out.

By the end of this 7-week program, you will be able to either attract your true soul partner or transform your current relationship into the relationship of your dreams!

You can discover more here:

We are here to be your guides to love.

Love and Abundance,