This week’s question comes from Sonia:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I feel rather embarrassed to ask you this, as I am a coach myself. With all the work I’ve done on myself and all the work I do with my clients I am still single and even though I know WHY I am the way I am, and I know WHY I’m having a hard time creating my ideal love relationship, I can’t seem to do it.
What is the secret to removing limiting beliefs?”
Thank you for reaching out to us. There is no shame in asking a question and we’re thrilled that you asked us this one.
There are great coaches out there, and we have no doubt you do great work with your clients. We all have strengths and weaknesses and we can’t help but notice how hard you are being on yourself.
First things first, please open up a space of compassion for yourself. We all make decisions about who we are and what we believe is possible for us when we are very, very young.
That “Little Sonia” inside of you did the best she could and it’s time for you to decide that her best is good enough and that you’ll take over from here. Part of the maturation process is to re-parent yourself so you (as a grown-up) can make new decisions and take new actions to create a life you love.
Countless books and programs on personal growth guide you to discover and encourage you to change your limiting beliefs. However, few of those systems give you guidance as to HOW to change a limiting belief.
Reciting affirmations is a great tool but it has its limitations. For example, if you are declaring bankruptcy and your house is in foreclosure, affirming “I am an excellent money manager” will do little if anything at all to change your circumstances.
Removing a limiting belief is possible, the key is to remove the EMOTION that is trapped in your memory of the triggering event. That memory could have been from an event that occurred an hour ago, or decades ago it doesn’t really matter.
Think of a young child who believes in Santa Clause and then discovers that he doesn’t really exist. As a grown woman, few people are still holding onto the hurt and betrayal of discovering the truth – that Santa Clause doesn’t really exist.
Shifting a belief system is a more complex process than removing the emotion from one particular event. A belief system around love, for example, will have a few parts to it.
Many coaches help clients change their life through a variety of methods. Creating change by transforming a belief system is our sweet spot!
The concept of Your Love Imprint® are the words we use to describe the system of how a person’s subconscious mind experiences love. It’s what love feels like – the experience of love from our family of origin.
As human beings, we are all raised by flawed people, who were raised by flawed people, who were raised by flawed people, all the way back to the beginning of time. On some level, most of us were not loved exactly as we would have liked by the people who raised us. This is what we call The Human Condition.
To course-correct requires regular touch over a period of time. That’s because transformation does not occur in a moment, but rather it adds up over a relatively short period of time.
The first step is to IDENTIFY the problem. Most people know why they are the way they are, but they usually fail in clearly identifying the actual issue. We are complex as human beings and our behavior is only a part of the whole system we are discussing.
Your Love Imprint® is the system and it has three parts:
- Limiting Beliefs
- Mental/Emotional Patterns
- Behavioral Strategies
All of these are under the umbrella of how you give and receive love. When a shift occurs in any one of these sections that change creates a ripple effect in the other areas too.
If you are looking for a unique diagnosis of exactly how you specifically can create the change you desire, the best way is through a Your Love Imprint® Session with us.
Once we determine the language of your specific Love Imprint we can then share with you different ways you can transform this system with us.
Apply for a Your Love Imprint® Session here:
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,