This week’s question comes from Jahari:

“Hello Orna and Matthew,

I really need your help! I’m reaching out because I think you two give the best dating advice… here’s my story:

I have been single for 15 years. I’ve “peeked out” periodically to try forming relationships with a few men who seemed eligible. A couple men were emotionally unavailable and seemed to want a relationship, but I soon figured out they wanted sex without commitment.

I have a LOT on the ball. I am very giving, while being able to receive as well. I am attractive, look and feel much younger than my chronological years, am a health professional (Raw Vegan Chef/Health & Nutrition Coach). I was on the radio for over 2 decades in health talk. I do spend a lot of time on my new small business, but am more than willing to put biz aside for some fun!

Maybe I just need some help understanding men and knowing what they want. HOW can I attract a MATCH?!

Thanks.”

Hello Jahari,

You sound like you’ve really got it together in your life. Like you said, you’ve got a successful business, you’re confident, and you’re a healthy and attractive woman. What man wouldn’t want a woman like you?!

Ironically, many of the women we speak with struggle in love are very similar to you – smart, healthy, and successful. What is it that makes it difficult for a smart woman to find love?

This is something we’ve done a deep dive into understanding, because this was the same journey that Orna travelled to find love. She was a successful entertainment executive working in a coveted job with one of the most successful producers in Hollywood – and yet, her love relationships proved time and time again as her biggest struggle.

What we’ve discovered is that being smart can often times be a hindrance on a woman’s journey to create soul-satisfying, long-lasting love.

When you’re smart your brain fills in the blanks FAST! The smarter you are, the quicker this happens. Like the newest computer working faster than an old one, your brain is working fast filling in the blanks from just a little bit of information.

Your brain filling in the blanks uses only one criteria: your beliefs and your past experiences. If your subconscious beliefs about men are that they are emotionally unavailable and are only interested in sex, then these kinds of men will be highlighted for you. It may even seem that these are the only kinds of men in the entire world.

The way you described your dating style is also not working for you. If you only occasionally make yourself available to date when you believe you’ve met an interesting man, then your chances of meeting a man who is really interested in creating a relationship with YOU will be completely by chance.

It is of the utmost important to prioritize creating a relationship the same way you prioritize your health or your business. You’ve got to put time and effort into it. An author interviewed couples who were getting their marriage licenses at the courthouse and they all revealed the same thing: They approached dating with the same commitment as they would a part time job.

Amazing relationships don’t just happen. Love does not show up when you least expect it. If this is something you are serious about creating then you’ve got to put the time and effort into it.

If you want some deeper understanding of your subconscious beliefs and how they may be blocking you from finding relationship ready men, then we suggest you join us for a Your Love Imprint® Session.

Your Love Imprint® is the system put in place when you were a little girl to feel loved and safe in your family of origin. It is made up of your limiting beliefs, mental/emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies around giving and receiving love.

During this session we will diagnose exactly why you’ve been stuck, and unable to create the love you want, and we’ll also share with you specific next steps in order to take action creating your Beloved relationship.

We know that if you put in the effort to create love consciously instead of accidentally, you will attract the right match for you.

We are here to be your guides to love.

Love and Abundance,