Can I turn a friend into more?
Hello Orna and Matthew,
I recently attended Mary Morrissey’s Dream builder live weekend. I am going after my dream this year of finding the man of my dreams who I marry and share a supportive, passionate, and growing relationship with.
Here is the interesting part, the man who frequents my dreams is actually someone who is a good friend, has been for over five years. We hike, bike, and occasionally share a dinner out. This is very random, usually more in the summer due longer days.
I have dated a few men while we have remained friends. I asked about 3 years ago if he was interested in anything more. He was not; he said he wasn’t interested in anyone who has young kids. My boys are now seniors and definitely not young.
Do I need to rephrase my longing of wanting to find the man of my dreams? The answer for me would be him in a heartbeat; he makes me very happy when we spend time together.
Thanks for taking time to answer my question.
Thank you for your thoughtful question. We like Mary Morrissey, and know her and her family personally.
Having a loving relationship operates under the same universal laws as anything else. A big part of our mission with Creating Love On Purpose®, is to bust the myth of accidental love.
We are told from a very young age that everything we want in life can be ours if we work at it, strategize, gain education and a skillset – everything except love. With love, we are told that one day we will simply meet the “right” person.
Having a loving relationship is a choice. Love itself is a choice. We choose to love one another every day.
Learning how to make a good choice in love is a skill that can be learned. We walk our clients through the process of doing this every day of the week. It is a process so there must be a commitment to the time it takes to learn something new and have a transformation.
You are basically asking if you should risk again and vocalize your desire to have a relationship with this man – not just for the first time, but again!
Why would you want to do that?
A man who wants a relationship with you will pursue you for a relationship. A man who is not doing that is either:
- Not looking for a relationship at all.
- Not interested in having a relationship with you.
So if you want to make 2016 the year that you find “The One” to share your life with so you can have all the things you mention you desire, why would you want to start with someone who already has shown you time and time again that he sees you as a friend and that’s it?
You say that he “makes” you happy. You may very well feel happy when you spend time with him; however, you are in charge of your own happiness.
Right now you are simply making things up about what it would be like to be in a relationship with this man. You have created a fantasy about who he is rather than seeing him for who he is.
Cutting him off may feel like a loss for you right now, however, a small loss of a “sort-of friendship” just keeps your heart tied to man who has no interest in being with you the way you desire.
If you want to be the one to pursue, then carry that all the way through every stage of relationship to decide if that’s what you really want for a lifetime. Most women we talk with are willing to pursue in the beginning only to be disappointed when they have the relationship talk and ask, “Where is this going?”
What these women want is what we think you want too – for a man to CLAIM you!
There’s something super sexy about a man who makes his intentions known and pursues you for a commitment.
Right now it sounds like you have a “dream” and you don’t seem to understand how to manifest that dream into a reality. This is Manifestation 101 – how to create what you want.
When it comes to creating soul-satisfying, long-lasting love it is imperative that you learn DISCERNMENT. This means that you know the criteria for your true soul partnership and that you say, “No” to everything you do not want, so that you are available to say, “Yes” to everything you do.
In all of our programs – whether they are digital, a live event, or a coaching package we work in 3 Phases:
- Identifying and Removing Blocks
- Stepping Into Your Authentic Self
- The Creation Phase
It is in The Creation Phase (after the subconscious blocks have been removed) that we walk our clients into a space where they can finally see how their ideal relationship functions so that they can create it. They have learned the skill of discernment so that they can pass quickly on a man who is not a match so that they can identify and recognize the man who is.
Your desire for this man (and likely your attraction to him being uninterested in you and therefore unavailable) is likely a match to Your Love Imprint®. This means that the spark of attraction is due to him being a match to your wounds, not that he can fulfill the “dream” of having someone to share your life with.
Only through the cultivation of discernment will you be able to have a clear understanding of who is a good match for you and who is not. If you’re interested in taking yourself through those 3 Phases of Creating Love On Purpose® the we recommend our online program The Science of Creating Love™.
This program will guide you through all 3 Phases in just 7 weeks, and by the end of it, you will have all the tools to attract your true soul partner and make your dream a reality.
You can read more about it here.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.