This week’s question comes from Rita:
“Orna and Matthew,
I have been divorced for just over 7 years now and I never in a million years thought that I would still be alone… I like myself fine, however I really want to share my life with someone.
It seems that I cannot get past the 3-4 months in with a man. By that time, I’m starting to worry and wonder if it’s going anywhere… and when I have “the talk” it ends.
Clearly I haven’t figured things out yet and I don’t know what it is that I’m doing wrong. Do you have any advice for a young-at-heart 57 year old that is active and adventurous?”
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt struggle. We know that when you get older, dating can feel overwhelming; especially when you spent most of your adult life married and now find yourself navigating the dating world. Dating is something you can learn to do just like any other skill.
We imagine that when you find a man who you find attractive that you make things easy for him – you likely ask him out, you may even offer to pay for dates, you might stop dating anyone else so that you’re available when he wants to see you.
If you’re doing any of the above, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice. Dating is a skill that most people never master. Instead most of us start dating as teenagers and continue dating that very same way throughout our adult lives.
Learning to date like a grown-up includes the following:
- You understand dating is a process and you allow some time to pass before you get into a commitment.
- You know how to deselect someone and do so gracefully and respectfully – just as you would like someone to deselect you.
- You know how to receive from a man, and to communicate to him your preferences and desires.
- You know what you need as well as what you want, and you do not compromise your needs.
Most women we speak with go online with the intent to find their soulmate. They evaluate someone based on the impossible standards of filling that role. Instead we suggest you use dating, particularly online dating, as a tool to learn more about yourself and the practice being authentic.
Does this seem like a tall order? Are you finding that your dating skill-set needs an upgrade?
Many of the women we speak with struggle with dating and we discover that they are not yet ready to date for one reason or another.
There can be other priorities that must be addressed BEFORE you even begin dating.
We pride ourselves on working with each of our clients in a way that is right for that individual person.
Not everyone starts off coaching with us at the very same place. Some are newly single, some have been single for decades, some are dating a few men when we begin a coaching package, some are in a committed relationship and thinking about leaving it… and on and on and on…
One woman might know exactly why she is struggling and just cannot create any change for herself, while another may have no idea why lasting-love has been elusive.
If you are ready to discover what is going on specifically with YOU the way to do that is to apply for a Your Love Imprint® Session with us.
During this private session we will determine exactly what is the system running in your subconscious mind that is keeping you from the love you want. This system is made up of your limiting beliefs, your mental/emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies around giving and receiving love.
Once you understand the system that is driving your behavior you can begin the process of transforming it. From this new place you will find it easy to date like an adult and create the kind of relationship that will be soul-satisfying and long-lasting.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,