Soulmate relationships may be romanticized as effortless or eternally blissful, but the truth is they can be just as difficult to navigate as any type of relationship. There’s no magical person who you’ll never have conflict with, or who’ll intuit your needs and desires. If these relationships can be just as much work as any relationship, what’s the point? Rather than questioning the idea of soulmates, it’s important to ask why soulmate relationships are difficult in the first place.

For love to last it’s imperative to work at it. Countless people have met someone they believed was their soulmate — their meeting was serendipitous, they felt an instant connection, and it seemed like destiny was at work behind the scenes — only for the relationship to come to an early end.

This experience often leads to the school of thought that says a soulmate is a person who inspires you to grow but doesn’t stay. Here’s the modern day conundrum: Is a soulmate your other half, or are they here to shake you out of your comfort zone? Why can’t it be both?

Soulmate relationships are difficult because they bring different expectations and therefore various pressures than other intimate relationships. These expectations become burdens that are too difficult to overcome if your assumption is that it’ll all just work out between you if it’s meant to be.

To get out of this trap, a new understanding of soulmate relationships must emerge.

What if a soulmate is someone that feels magical and special, and the two of you choose each other again and again as you grow together rather than apart? This brings a new perspective into why soulmate relationships are difficult and gives you a new framework for finding and creating long-lasting love.

5 Reasons Why Soulmate Relationships Are Difficult

1. Unrealistic Expectations

The most common reason why soulmate relationships are difficult is because they’re burdened with expectations.

From a young age, you’re taught to believe that when you meet The One you’ll just know. The chemistry will be undeniable, the timing will be perfect, and your life will be transformed. You’re told to look for butterflies in your stomach and a feeling of instant intimacy. But those intense feelings aren’t reliable indicators of a lasting connection. They’re simply signs of attraction—not compatibility.

This fantasy—what we call the myth of Love by Accident—sets you up for disillusionment. It tells you that love should be effortless, so when challenges arise you  assume this must not be your person.

When your experiences don’t meet the imagined illusion, you question the relationship itself. But even soulmate relationships require effort. They challenge you to communicate clearly, take responsibility for your emotional responses, and grow outside your comfort zone rather than hoping chemistry and attraction will carry you through.

Hope is the first thing that comes into a relationship (usually the moment you lay eyes on their profile pic) setting up unrealistic expectations for a realistic future. This fantasy doesn’t stop at the first date, it continues throughout the relationship.

The belief that a soulmate will anticipate your needs, understand your moods, or instinctively know how to make you feel better without having to ask, are causing you to make poor decisions in your love life.

The myth of love by accident has you convinced that when you meet the right person everything will work out because it’s meant to be. The problem is the reluctance to address issues as they arise, release the fantasy, and to move slowly through the dating process. Long-lasting love isn’t effortless, and emotional intimacy doesn’t occur because of destiny.

2. A Soulmate Relationship Does NOT Complete You

Soulmate relationships are difficult due to the persistent false belief that a soulmate will fill in what you’re lacking. You’ve been sold the idea that a soulmate is your other half, someone who will rescue you from your loneliness, heal your wounds, and make you feel whole.

But a healthy relationship isn’t comprised of two incomplete people trying to fix each other. Eek! Handing over your well-being to another person is a recipe for co-dependence. A soulmate relationship is created by two whole people choosing to walk through life together.

The expectation that a soulmate will complete you sets up the relationship to fail by creating an emotional imbalance where one person is constantly trying to give what the other refuses to develop within themselves. Soulmate relationships are difficult because you must take responsibility for your choices, actions, and behavior.

Your bad mood belongs to you, and no one else. Your triggers belong to you too. And you are responsible for your own happiness. Instead of assigning blame, each partner in a soulmate relationship accepts responsibility.

The masterclass of personal growth is done in an intimate relationship with a soulmate partner. You inspire each other to become the best versions of yourself day after day, year after year.

When you know who you are, what you need, and how to take care of yourself emotionally, you’re not looking for someone to save you, you’re looking for someone to build a life with. That’s the foundation for a relationship that grows stronger over time, not one that crumbles under the weight of unrealistic expectations.

Your soulmate isn’t your other half. They’re your partner, not a replacement for your therapist or your purpose in life.

3. Most People Avoid Conflict Instead Of Learning From It

Another reason why soulmate relationships are difficult is that most people are never taught how to navigate conflict in a healthy way. Instead of seeing conflict as an opportunity to grow closer they avoid it altogether, or expect their partner to handle it the same way they do.

Plus, as most people are conflict avoidant, taking personal responsibility can feel daunting. Your soulmate will be a completely different person than you­­—they will have their own beliefs, mental/emotional patterns, and relationship strategies.

When conflict arises the differences between you come into sharp focus. Without the skills to navigate your differences a small disagreement can grow into an unresolved issue that breeds anger and resentment over time.

The healthiest relationships don’t just experience conflict, they use it to their advantage. It doesn’t matter that you have disagreements, what counts is being able to repair and reconnect. Avoiding conflict doesn’t prevent problems, it buries them and creates distance between you that can lead to bitterness.

If you don’t deal with conflicts (from tiny to extra-large), they become landmines in your relationship. It’s always best to address issues as they occur. There’s no shame in seeking professional help. Doing so should be commonplace because good relationship skills aren’t instinctual, they’re learned.

Learning to repair and reconnect is the key to turning conflict into a bedrock of safety and trust. Rather than avoiding challenges learn better communication skills that allow your love to grow over time.

4. A Soulmate Relationship Requires You To Be Authentic

Meeting your soulmate doesn’t give you mind-reading powers. Another reason why soulmate relationships are difficult because of the expectation that your life partner will intuit your needs.

There’s no magic spell that gets cast on a person to make them understand you. A soulmate relationship requires you to speak up, be authentic, and make requests.

Sharing how you feel and what you need is the foundation of a loving partnership, and a soulmate relationship is no exception. Since your partner doesn’t have mind-reading powers, it’s important that you speak up through the dating process and share your likes and dislikes.

If all you do is go along to get along, you’ll never find your soulmate relationship. By embracing your authenticity and speaking your truth while dating, you’ll find a person who accepts you as you are and doesn’t want to change you (and you feel the same about them).

A soulmate relationship is one where you accept each other As Is, and that only happens when both people show up authentically.

5. Soulmate Relationships Are Designed To Heal Your Wounds

A soulmate relationship can trigger your unresolved pain, not because your partner is not an ideal match for you, but because the trust between you has made room for healing.

Another reason why soulmate relationships are difficult is that they’re designed to heal your childhood wounds. Together you’ll heal one another’s fears as you stick by each other. You’ll choose to love one another despite the triggers and conflicts that arise.

It’s easy to call it quits when the journey gets rough. Divorce is no longer taboo, and couples are quick to throw in the towel. A soulmate relationship doesn’t require you to overlook your dealbreakers or put up with toxic, or abusive behavior. (If these behaviors are present, the relationship would not qualify as a soulmate relationship).

Life will always throw you curveballs whether you’re partnered up or not. A soulmate relationship calls for you to work with your partner to resolve your differences, and in order to live in a harmonious home together, to defer to one another’s strengths.

Soulmate relationships are difficult because they challenge you to step up and become the best version of yourself. The effort you put into your relationship is worth it because every part of your life gets better when it’s shared with a beloved life partner. You’re happier, you live longer, and you’re more productive.

Instead of looking for magical signs of destiny or expecting your dates to be effortless and without conflict, approach your search for a soulmate with a new mindset. Release the fantasy and look for these signs you’ve met someone capable of creating a soulmate relationship with you.

5 Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate Relationship

1. It’s Easy In The Beginning

The first stage of a relationship is the Romance Stage. This falling in love stage is very intoxicating. When you’re with your soulmate it’ll be easy in the beginning. There won’t be drama or extenuating circumstances. Meeting your soulmate will feel magical and special, like you’ve met a long-lost friend whose clothes you can’t wait to rip off.

In this initial stage any conflicts that arise are simple to navigate. The ease of the relationship creates a feeling of safety and security.

In a soulmate relationship, the Romance Stage lasts a long time, putting gas in the tank of the relationship for the inevitable Power Struggle Stage.

2. You Fight For The Relationship

In a soulmate relationship, you’ll find yourself fighting for the relationship instead of each other. You’re both willing to work through your differences so that you can thrive together.

By coming together you’ve created a new entity: the relationship. Your relationship will be balanced energetically with each of you stepping up for the other when necessary.

In a soulmate relationship, you’ll keep growing together, and your love for each other deepens with each passing year.

3. You Share The Important Things In Life

Your soulmate may not like the same kind of music or hobbies as you, but when it comes to what’s important in life you’ll be on the same page. You’ll value the same things, have similar life goals, and share a vision of the future together.

In a soulmate relationship, you’ll support each other in achieving individual aspirations and create the space for each of you to blossom. You may have different strategies for achieving those goals, but you’ll respect each other’s differences and defer to one another’s strengths.

In a soulmate relationship you’ll work as a team to create a life together.

4. You Accept Each Other As Is

Just because your soulmate inspires you to grow doesn’t mean they need you to change. Your soulmate will accept you as you are, and may love your imperfections as much as your strengths.

Your differences become the foundational strengths of your relationship. You’ll balance each other energetically and emotionally. Instead of competing you’ll celebrate each other’s successes and mourn each other’s losses.

Overall a soulmate relationship will be filled with ease. You’re relaxed because you’re accepted as your authentic self.

5. You Both Choose Love

Through the challenges life throws your way, you’ll face them together, and you’ll choose to navigate them in a loving way. You’ll communicate with respect, be on the same team, and be an ally to each other. Choosing love means that even during a conflict you don’t withhold love.

A soulmate relationship requires making a conscious choice to be loving. Whether you’re being considerate that your partner is having a bad day, or your partner is encouraging you to have an uncomfortable conversation with a friend, the two of you are consciously choosing to be loving and kind.

You’ll each put an effort into reducing stress and anxiety for one another, not add to it. Ultimately, the two of you are in it to win—the relationship is always a priority.

If you’re ready to heal your heart and find your forever person order a copy of our book, Getting It Right This Time: Break Free from Your Hidden Blocks to Love. You’ll gain access to our 3-part Soulmating System™ that guides you to create the long-lasting love you desire and deserve.