Does being on your own make you uncomfortable? Does the feeling of loneliness frighten you? Do you hop from one relationship to the next without much time in between? Serial monogamy may avoid the solitude of being single, however, it’s likely what’s keeping you from the long-lasting love you desire and deserve.

Serial monogamy is often viewed as a good quality because you’re seen as commitment minded, yet there are downsides to always being tied to someone else. Jumping from one relationship to the next doesn’t leave time for introspection, discovering your needs versus your wants, or simply adjusting your dating strategies. Relying solely on your emotions to drive your choices in love means you’re at the whim of your fickle feelings.

The part of you that desires connection, intimacy, comfort, and safety of a partnership wins out over your desire to find someone who’s a good match for the long term.

Serial monogamists are rarely solo for any length of time because underneath their desire for connection is fear, they dread being alone. They don’t want to spend time in self-reflection because they avoid looking at their past mistakes. They fear dating because it feels vulnerable, unpredictable, and makes them anxious. Rather than looking for an ideal match, they’re avoiding loneliness and discomfort.

Serial monogamy often becomes a pattern that keeps you from healing, growing, or creating genuine, long-lasting love. It prevents you from doing the inner work required to break the cycle and show up for a new kind of relationship—the kind where you’re fully seen, accepted, and loved for who you truly are.

How do you know if serial monogamy is blocking you from love and what can you do to break the cycle?

7 Ways Serial Monogamy Keeps You From The Real Thing

1. Choosing What’s Comfortable Instead Of What’s Right

If you’re always in a relationship, how do you know the difference between choosing what feels safe and familiar, rather than what supports your long-term happiness? When you’re driven by a fear of being alone it’s easy to settle for someone who fits into your life without challenging you to grow. These relationships are convenient and somewhat shallow, leaving you unfulfilled.

Comfort is overrated on your journey to finding a beloved partner. There’s nothing risky about choosing what feels safe and familiar. Gravitating toward partners who are easy to get along with and never challenge you will never create the intimacy your heart desires. These convenient relationships never have the potential for love to deepen over time, they fall flat and are not sustainable.

Long-lasting love doesn’t result from just feeling safe and comfortable together. Two people grow together rather than apart because they evolve together. A soul-satisfying love relationship stands the test of time because of a stronger bond that is developed through the challenges they face.

What To Do Instead:

Pause and have some solo time before your next relationship. Reflect on why the previous relationship didn’t succeed, and evaluate what you could do differently the next time around to avoid repeating the same patterns.

Discover the difference between your needs and your wants. Create a chart of your relationship history and examine the commonalities to find your patterns in love.

2. Mistaking Ease For Compatibility

The saying, “Everything you want is outside your comfort zone,” is accurate with love. If you haven’t mastered uncomfortable conversations, not asking the hard questions, or not communicating your needs, you’re not navigating real life together. Instead, you’re swept up in the relief of having someone, anyone, to soften the ache of being alone.

Serial monogamy can feel like a soft place to land when you’re tired of the ups and downs of dating, unfortunately ease doesn’t equal compatibility. Being with someone in partnership because you don’t want to be on your own means you’ll brush off evaluating if they’re a fit for the long haul and settle for short-term comfort.

Going exclusive for convenience rather than a deep connection or shared values, a part of you knows there’s nothing more than a superficial connection. Going along to get along may be a great strategy for avoiding conflict, but it’s a terrible one for finding long-lasting, soul-satisfying love with an ideal partner.

The most important decision you’ll ever make is who to share your life with. Compatibility develops when your values align, and you’re able to work through conflict together. Compatibility means you can live together in harmony, and your two lives are coherent.

What To Do Instead:

Ask yourself, “Do I feel seen and accepted in this relationship, or simply relieved I’m not on my own?” Emotional intimacy requires you to risk discomfort for the sake of creating a stronger bond. The ideal partnership provides an environment for growth, and each of you evolves toward your highest and best selves.

3. Skipping The Healing Phase

When you move from one relationship to another without taking time to reflect, grieve, or consider what went wrong and what you could’ve done differently, you carry your unhealed wounds into the next relationship. You’re never starting a relationship from a fresh or more evolved perspective, and ultimately bringing baggage into the next romantic engagement.

Serial monogamy gives you a false sense of progress. You think the next time it’s going to be different without doing anything to change your patterns. When you don’t learn from the past you end up recreating it.

Think of relationships like steps in a game of life. Learning and growing from what didn’t work elevates you to the next level. Taking time to reflect on what could’ve been different, or what your ex taught you about yourself, gives you tools and new strategies to avoid recreating the same situation again and again. When you take time to reflect and have some solo time in between partnerships, each relationship becomes an opportunity to move forward in the game of life.

What To Do Instead:

Set aside time to be on your own after a relationship ends for a postmortem. Evaluate what you could’ve done differently. Feel all your feelings and grieve the loss. When you’re ready to move on, look for The Golden Nugget of Learning™ so you can mine the relationship and step into gratitude.

4. You Become a Chamelion

If you’ve been partnered through your formative 20’s and 30’s your sense of self is likely tied to being part of a couple. If your habit is to merge with your significant other, you’ll change your beliefs and behavior in order to please them, leaving you vulnerable to a co-dependent or otherwise toxic relationship.

This lack of self-awareness makes it nearly impossible to create a relationship rooted in authenticity because you haven’t developed your own identity. You’re more than just someone’s partner and if you don’t figure out who you are on your own, eventually you’ll become dissatisfied.

What To Do Instead:

Spending significant time as a single person is an opportunity to explore and discover about yourself. Examine your desires, values, and goals so you can build a life that feels complete on its own. A healthy partnership is when two whole and complete people come together to create a relationship. Then when you’re ready to date again you’ll be much more prepared to choose someone who’s a match to your dreams and goals, and to build a life together, growing in the same direction.

5. Avoiding The Pain Of Loneliness

Being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely, but if you’ve never built a relationship with yourself, solitude can feel unbearable. Serial monogamy gives you just enough connection to avoid confronting the emptiness that you feel inside. It keeps you emotionally busy enough to never have to face what it feels like to be alone with yourself.

Even worse, if you don’t like yourself or the company of your thoughts, you’re partnering up to avoid addressing your relationship with yourself. Serial monogamy puts your level of self-esteem in someone else’s hands. If you’re relying on a partner to make you feel good about yourself, you’re setting yourself up for an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

Avoiding solitude means avoiding growth. If you can’t sit with your own feelings, meet your own needs, or enjoy your own company, you’ll always be at risk of attaching to someone who’s a distraction or worse, will drag you into a toxic dynamic that leaves you even more disconnected from yourself.

What To Do Instead:

Spend time alone and get to know yourself. Observe your inner dialogue and become aware of what you’re saying to yourself about yourself. Practice speaking to yourself like someone you love, instead of someone in need of constant correction or criticism. Take yourself out on a date and discover what brings you joy. When you master being alone, you’re not looking for someone to complete you or fill a void inside.

6. Bypassing The Vulnerability Of Dating

Dating may not easy because it requires risk and navigating the unknown. Serial monogamy robs you of mastering the discomfort of dating. On the search for an ideal life partner comfort is overrated.

Skipping or rushing through the dating process means you’ll never cultivate discernment. Without taking time to see if the other person can meet your needs, or if the two of you can find your way through a conflict, you’re attached before you know who they are, and whether they’re a good match long term.

What To Do Instead:

Use dating as an opportunity to discover about yourself. Become curious about your feelings during each date, as well as how you feel when you part from that person. Don’t rush into exclusivity and physical intimacy. Create a dating rotation so you can discover if you’re presenting yourself differently with each person, or if you’re showing up authentically. Dating in this manner allows you to choose someone who’s a good match for the long term.

7. You End Up Vulnerable To Toxic Relationships

Rushing to partner may cause you to go exclusive with a relative stranger. With no time to discover red flags you may find yourself in a bad situation. Convincing yourself that something is better than nothing is the recipe for a toxic or abusive relationship.

If you find you’re constantly compromising, managing your partner’s moods, and putting up with bad behavior you’re in an unhealthy situation. Rushing into a committed relationship quickly leaves you open to feeling more alone than you ever felt by yourself.

What To Do Instead:

Speak up if you feel uncomfortable and set boundaries so you no longer rush in too quickly. Don’t put too much weight on getting along and discover if you’re able to move through disagreements and conflict together.

Cultivate emotional self-sufficiency so you can build a life that’s rich, joyful, and fulfilling on your own. When you’re emotionally healthy and feel whole as a single person, you won’t be attracted to toxic situations or partners.

Break The Habit Of Serial Monogamy

Partnering with someone for a lifetime doesn’t begin by looking to ease the fear of being alone. A beloved partnership starts by finding someone capable of meeting your needs and who shares your values and your goals. Chemistry is only one ingredient for long-lasting love. Ultimately, your head and your heart must be in harmony to create an ideal match for the long term.

Breaking the cycle of serial monogamy will require you to choose growth over comfort. Sharing your life with the love of your life means you may not know you’ve found your “One” right at the start.

If you’re ready to end the cycle of serial monogamy and share your life with the love of your life, order our book: Getting It Right This Time: Break Free from Your Hidden Blocks to Lasting Love available everywhere books and audiobooks are sold. Select your favorite retailer by clicking here: Order today.

Long-lasting love isn’t found in your comfort zone—it’s only possible when you fall in love with yourself first.