What if I’ve lost my soulmate?

“Hi Orna and Matthew,

I hope you can help me. I married my soulmate in 2001 we divorced in 2004 he cheated and I couldn’t forget it. It took me years to date again and although I’ve had some relationships not one of them has fulfilled me and I feel like I’ve ended up back thinking about my ex husband. He comes into my dreams when I feel sad. The men I meet are takers selfish and unsupportive. Help.”

Hi Sam,

We understand you’ve been through a traumatic experience and often these experiences stick with us long after they occur. The truth is we don’t only get ONE soulmate in life.

We wouldn’t consider your ex-husband your soulmate because he did something unforgiveable. Breaking a marriage vow is not acceptable behavior for a soulmate regardless of circumstances.

Certainly there are couples who are able to heal from an infidelity, and we applaud their ability to see past this kind of betrayal. It is clear from what you shared that you are not able to do that and that’s okay. It does not mean you are destined to be alone.

There is no “one size fits all” remedy when it comes to love and relationships. The only guide for you is YOU and how you FEEL.

The emphasis you put your ex-husband showing up in your dreams can be misplaced. Since our subconscious communicates through symbol, imagery, story, and metaphor the things that appear in our dreams are not literal representations.

Your ex-husband is showing up in your dreams because of something he represents to you, not because you “should” be with him or reach out to him or whatever.

This is a great opportunity for you to do some deeper healing around your relationship with him. Take some time to journal about your feelings from the dream and what is coming up for you when you think about him.

Particularly notice if there are feelings of lack around love and relationship and if you feel constricted, heavy, sad, hurt, etc. then there is more healing that is required. We teach our clients this mantra about healing – “In order to heal, I choose to feel.”

Grief and loss do not disappear overnight. But if you avoid those feelings they will linger for decades. Schedule time to mourn the loss. We know that time has passed and that you “should be over him by now” but the truth is we rarely allow ourselves to experience the full range of our grief.

That is the best advice we have to offer you.

We have helped hundreds, if not thousands of clients through the years to release a person, step into their authentic self to create soul-satisfying, long-lasting love. In fact the majority of our clients are divorced, and have been hurt badly by an Ex for one reason or another.

There isn’t just ONE soulmate for you and because it didn’t work out you don’t get another shot. That’s just not how it works. A True Soul Partnership is where two people consciously come together and CHOOSE EACH OTHER over and over and over again.

Our life together may seem all rosy from the outside, and we are always transparent to share our challenges and struggles. That is the nature of our life here on planet earth. Both of us CHOOSE EACH OTHER – no matter what. “Come What May!” – like in the song from the film Moulin Rouge.

In fact, we often tell each other that we choose the other – EVEN ON OUR WORST DAY! Yup – that’s what real love is all about.

The key to your healing is knowing what drove you to select your Ex in the first place and upgrade your picker! Your Love Imprint® is the system that determines who you have spark of attraction with… it is made up of your limiting beliefs, your mental/emotional patterns, and your behavioral strategies for giving and receiving love.

Book a Your Love Imprint® Session with us here:


During this session we can identify clearly what drew you toward your Ex and what would need to transform to select a mate who is capable of fulfilling your needs long-term, and much much more!

There’s a short questionnaire that allows us to go deep very quickly on the call together. You can access our conference line from anywhere in world via telephone, or web-call.

We are here to be your guides to love.

Love and Abundance,

About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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