Not being able to keep your hands off each other can certainly leave you feeling breathless. Just the thought of seeing him again has those [...]
Tired Of Being Single During Quarantine? How To Date In The Time Of Coronavirus
03 / 29 / 2020
If the social distancing you’re practicing during the current COVID-19 crisis has you feeling tired of being single don’t despair, there are ways to connect even during these trying times. You may be thinking that dating as you know it is over, however, that may not be a bad thing.
With Stay At Home orders in place for an indeterminate amount of time, you can still cultivate connection and use this time to stop dating backwards and instead develop the skills to finally connect with your soulmate.
Many dating apps are seeing a huge rise in active users, so the desire to connect is as strong as it’s ever been. The truth is most men have only been using online dating and apps to ask women out on dates for some time now. If you’ve been wondering where all the good men are – there is no doubt they are on an app.
However, with most bars and restaurants closed to dine-in customers and with the postponement of most events, it is getting more difficult to meet in person. So how do you use the tools available to you to get on the path to long-lasting love?
If you’re truly tired of being single and you want to share your life with an ideal partner, it’s time to learn how to use the online system to your advantage and cultivate discernment through the dating process.
Now is the time to revolutionize how you date by learning how to use the tools available to you through online and virtual connection tools.
How To Date For Your Soulmate In The Time Of Coronavirus
Allow Courtship Back Into Your Dating Life
Hookup culture is dead. Gone are the days of rushing to meet in person to see if there is any chemistry. Instead, now is the time to focus on slowly getting to know the other person and discovering who he is before rushing in to get physical.
Truly, if there is a silver lining in all this it’s that you’ll begin to appreciate taking things slowly and not rushing into exclusivity. Getting to know someone takes time. You won’t know the end of the book until you read through the whole thing.
The desire to rush into exclusivity usually comes from a feeling that someone inspires in you, whether it’s excitement, infatuation, or physical attraction. You want the feeling to last. You may feel afraid that you will lose this person and therefore you will lose your chance at love as if love is that fleeting and fickle.
The idea that you would select a life partner based on a feeling is a fantasy. It’s a fantasy because feelings don’t last – not positive feelings or negative feelings. All feelings are by nature transitory. Since you can’t trust a feeling to last it is unwise to select a life partner based on a feeling. Choosing a person to spend your life with is something you do over time as you discover who he is and what he values.
Even if you’re tired of being single and ready for a relationship, it is best to take your time and choose wisely.
This sudden change in how people socialize gives you an opportunity to throw out bad dating habits and embrace a new approach to courtship.
What Is The Difference Between Dating And Courting?
Courting is defined in the dictionary as: To seek the affections of, especially to seek to win a pledge of marriage from.
Dating is defined in the dictionary as: To make a usually romantic social arrangement to meet with.
A person who is courting is looking to create a lasting partnership. A person who is dating is looking to meet up romantically.
Just looking at these two terms and their meanings shows you that if you want to create a lasting loving partnership with someone (whether or not a marriage is part of the equation) there must be a way for you to discern who is serious about wanting the same things you want, and who out there is just looking for something easy and low maintenance.
It is extremely important that you ID the person early on in your interactions via some type of video chat either through the dating app you met on, FaceTime, or Skype before spending a lot of time in text message chitchat. This way you won’t waste time with someone who is not who he says he is.
There are some things you must know about how your mind works when you’re not meeting in person as you’re used to doing. Your mind has a tendency to fill in the blanks when you have just a little tiny bit of information. It is easy to project your hopes and desires when you are only interacting virtually. You must focus on not dating backwards.
Dating Backwards™ is when you extend the benefit of the doubt to a stranger and end up putting your lovability in the hands of someone you don’t really know. The only way for someone to take advantage of you is if you allow your hopes and dreams to cloud your vision rather than seeing him as he shows up for you.
If you have a pattern of rushing to exclusivity because you are tired of being single and are driven by those feel-good emotions only to be disappointed after a few months that he is not who you thought he was, you may find that courting is a better way to go rather than just casually dating.
Taking time to get to know someone through longer conversations can allow you to develop an emotional intimacy that doesn’t happen when you are meeting at a bar or restaurant. Without the usual distractions, you can focus on deeper conversations.
This is a great opportunity to share more authentically how you feel and what you are looking forward to when the world opens back up. Relax back into your feminine and allow him to lead the pace and regularity of your conversations. There is no need to rush anything.
Get Creative In How You Spend Time Together
Sitting at home in isolation and feeling tired of being single won’t get you any closer to your goal of finding an ideal match to share your life with. With multiple options of how to “see” someone on your phone, computer, or tablet you don’t have to let the fact that you can’t get together in person stop you from seeing what someone really looks like.
Setting up Skype dates, viewing live concerts on Zoom, watching a movie together on Netflix, or sharing a drink over a virtual happy hour are all creative ways you can connect while staying home.
If stay at home orders are not in place where you live, you can take things offline and meet in person. Be cautious about physical closeness or physical contact. Go for a walk outside together and be careful to keep your distance. You’ll get a better sense of your attraction level for him. And avoiding physical contact will allow you to continue to take things slowly.
Let Him Lead And Discover His Intentions
If you’re a woman who dates men it is imperative that you let the guy lead. The key is to remember that you have veto power. Just because you’re letting him lead does not mean you have to follow.
Practice being responsive instead of proactive through the dating process. This doesn’t mean that you can’t initiate contact with a man you’re interested in. It just means that after that initial connection that you lean back and let him drive things forward and set the pace.
Women who lead at the beginning of a relationship often end up wondering whether he is serious about a long-term relationship. When you let a man lead you never have to doubt his intentions.
Through this new virtual dating process let the guy win you over. Let him work to have your time and attention. This isn’t playing a game, it’s setting a high bar to see who is interested enough in you to reach it.
Men can also feel tired of being single and want emotional intimacy during this stressful time just as much as women. However, you must discern between the guy who just wants things to be convenient versus the guy who will climb mountains for you. It’s the latter you’re looking for when deciding on a lifelong partner.
Allow Dating To Be A Process
When you jump into a relationship because you’re just tired of being single and want some companionship, you end up wasting a lot of time on your journey to long-lasting love.
Since you can no longer rush to physical intimacy, take time getting to know several people at once. You don’t need to worry about rushing to exclusivity so that you can be physically intimate. Date several people at once and use the time to get clearer on the type of relationship you are looking for.
Coaching singles around the globe for well over a decade has shown us that the biggest issue with dating is that people rush to exclusivity too quickly. Eventually, when the feel-good chemicals wear off there is not enough connection for the couple to make their way through the second stage of relationship – The Power Struggle Stage.
Many women bond emotionally with a man after sex. The chemicals released during intimacy create an emotional bond that can cloud your judgment. Since sex is off the table at the moment, you’ll have to develop an emotional bond in other ways besides sex.
The most powerful erogenous zone is the one between your ears. You’ll discover which men have the ability to create attraction in other ways besides their physical presence and appearance.
What you’ll ultimately discover is that the sooner you embrace switching from dating to courting, the faster you’ll find the person you can go through life’s challenges with.
Part of feeling tired of being single is having an old mental loop running through your mind telling you that dating is difficult. Instead of focusing on habitual thought patterns, get curious instead.
Get curious about yourself and your beliefs about love. Take time to introspect about what is important to you about having an intimate relationship.
Get curious about the men you are meeting. How are they handling the stress of confinement?
Notice your mental/emotional patterns that show up when you feel a strong attraction towards a guy, and how that’s different when you don’t have a strong attraction. Are you able to be authentic and speak up for yourself when you think the guy is hot? Are you twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to win the hot guy’s approval?
Being curious about yourself and paying attention to your inner dialog will give you deep insights into your patterns that have been blocking you from the lasting love you desire.
Oftentimes people make snap judgments based on physical appearances and don’t take the time to get to know a new person before leaping in heart first. Be curious about yourself and about the people you are meeting. You may be surprised at what you discover.
Don’t Invest Too Much Until You’ve Met In Person
Ultimately nothing is real until you’ve met in person. You may find that attraction that develops over video chats and phone calls doesn’t translate into sexual attraction when you finally get together in person.
You may not find your soulmate through this time of Social Distancing, but the skills and new habits you cultivate through following these time-tested dating strategies will pay off when this crisis is over.
Plus every single person you meet knows someone you haven’t met yet. You may find that you have some new connections that lead you down a brand path.
So don’t rush. Take the time to get to know several people at once. When it is safer to meet in person then you can decide if you want to take things further.
We are living in uncertain times. A global pandemic of this magnitude hasn’t come around for a hundred years. It’s okay to want to hibernate, binge watch TV, and read the stack of books by your bedside. At some point, things will shift and this new way of living may get super boring.
Take a look at what’s important to you and if sharing your life with someone you can count on is near the top of your wish list you can take the steps we’ve outlined above for you to learn to date for your soulmate even during this surreal time of being under quarantine.
If you’re interested in going deeper into these strategies, or you simply can’t seem to find anyone worthy enough to date it’s time to get an expert’s point of view. A complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session is just what you need to leave your unconscious patterns behind and open to the lasting love you desire. Book a one-time complimentary call with us by clicking here.
About the authors
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.