This week’s question comes from Nicola:
“Hello Beautiful People!
I met literally by accident a guy on Tinder he told me that he has been divorced three times and was engaged another time to someone else. I am wondering should I meet him or should I run screaming in the other direction? :)
Thanks so much, regards and blessings.”
Yes, it is important to pay attention to how a man shows up so that you can have a clear picture of who he is. The important question is to know what is actually a red flag and what is not.
When we are coaching our private clients through the dating process we always remind them that the men they are dating do not have a dating coach. They are probably using the same strategies for dating that they’ve used their entire lives. So it is important to cut them some slack and observe how they show up for you.
This does not mean that you turn a blind eye to behavior that is unacceptable. Nor does it mean that you ignore things that are deal-breakers.
Unfortunately, a lot of the women we speak with either have so many deal breakers that no man could ever measure up, or they throw any deal-breaker out the window as soon as they find a man attractive.
One of our favorite tips for helping to navigate this potential minefield is to use your “Celebrity Crush” as the standard. First, pick someone as your Celebrity Crush – the one you would ask for a “Hall Pass” for if you were married. ;-)
This man could be a famous actor, musician, author, etc. This is a man that you would see as your ideal for a relationship – meaning that you are attracted to him and you would like to be in a relationship with him. It’s not about who you would like to have sex with – give it some weight and meaning.
Let’s say your celebrity crush is George Clooney. The question you want to ask yourself is this: If George Clooney exhibited the same behavior as Joe Average on Match dot com would you let George slide with it?
Using your example: If George Clooney was divorced three times and engaged another time would you still go on a date with him?
If the answer is yes, then that is not a deal-breaker for you. If this answer is absolutely not, then it is a deal-breaker and you can just move along and not go out with him.
We all have circumstances and challenges in our lives. Sometimes those circumstances are of our own doing, and sometimes they are just a product of the cards we were dealt.
Maybe there is a good reason for your potential Tinder date’s struggles with lasting-love. Maybe he really is a mess when it comes to choosing a good partner. You just don’t know until you take the time to find out.
The bigger picture is to change the way you are choosing potential partners so that you can create long-lasting, soul-satisfying love. When you focus on the external appearances then you could be missing out on something special.
In our online program, Your Soulmate Blueprint®, we guide you through a powerful process to discover what your True Soul Partnership looks like and how it functions.
Once you discover what is really driving your choices and your behavior, then you can make a conscious choice to create something even better that will bring you lasting satisfaction.
Check out Your Soulmate Blueprint® here and you can get started right away Creating Love On Purpose®.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,