This week’s question comes from Kari:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I’m writing to you as this year is quickly ending and I’m feeling like I did last year… A year ago I was thinking that the New Year would be the year that I finally change things and connect with my Soulmate – sadly, that didn’t happen… yet again.
Being on my own doesn’t bother me, I love my job, I have great friends and family, I would like to share my life with someone.
Yes there are things that I could be better about with my own self care, going to the gym regularly, going on dates more often, taking some time to do some hobbies that I have pushed aside for one reason or another.
When I start making a list of all the things I’d like to change or start doing it feels super long and unrealistic. So I can focus on all that’s good, or I look at all things I want to do differently and I can’t seem to find a balance between the two.
Can you help me figure out what I need to do to attract a man who will stick with me? I really feel like I’m supposed to share my life with someone.
Happy New Year!”
Thanks for your question and for reaching out for help. It is common for the holiday season to wear on us, especially being single. We want to assure you that there is nothing wrong with you and that when you think of changes to make in your life that you need to be making them for YOU – and no one else.
As the New Year takes hold many people make a list of Resolutions and even though it’s a good thing to take inventory of our lives and take note of what is working and what is not; it is unrealistic to believe we can change everything all at once.
We suggest that you do make that list of the things you’d like to start doing or change then put them in priority order from most important to not as important.
Once you have that list then number them, put each item in a separate envelope, and put the corresponding number on the front.
Start the New Year with #1 – just one thing you do (or change doing) and commit to making this a new habit.
If your #1 is “Dating More” then commit to signing up to an online dating site, or maybe even two. We suggest that if you’re serious about connecting with your Beloved then you will treat dating like a part-time job.
One large site like Match or EHarmony, and one more selective site like Veggie Date, Meet Mindful, or Leashes And Lovers (or something that matches who you are and how you life your life). There are many niche dating sites.
Then once you’re in a relationship, all that time you spent online and dating offline will be available for you to spend with your new boyfriend. If you don’t think you have the time to dedicate to dating regularly, be honest with yourself about your readiness for a relationship.
If you don’t have the time to invest in a dating site and going on dates, then you don’t have the time for a relationship either.
So with your first envelope and the first thing you’re going to focus on, create a schedule. In the case of our example of Dating More, set aside time in your calendar at least three nights a week for a few hours to be online.
Take time to set up your own profile (or get some help making changes to a profile you already have). Then be sure to be active on the site. You don’t need to respond to every message you receive, but you should be responding to most of them.
Get in the habit of checking your messages regularly, responding, going through the site and sending a short note, wink, rose, or whatever the site you’re on allows you to do.
Online dating is a tool for you to get offline dates. Be sure to go out and meet guys who are asking to meet you in-person. Be wary of guys who just want to email, or talk on the phone, or worse yet only text with you.
Once you have created a habit of being regularly active online and going on dates, you can open up envelope #2 and then schedule time to focus on making that new activity a new habit.
You don’t have to make every change you desire all at once! Just focus on one thing at a time – one action, one change. Either commit to stop doing something, or to start doing something – it all depends on what you desire in your life.
You can spend all of the next year working through those numbered envelopes and creating new positive habits for yourself. The key is to be purposeful about it and to schedule things that are new for you in your calendar just like you’d schedule anything else.
If you find you have a lot of resistance to this idea or if you notice that your inner dialog is critical about online dating (and dating in general), then you want to focus on changing your story about dating.
We call it a story, not because it isn’t important to you, but because it is ultimately something that it is in the way of you getting what you want – LOVE!
You must be willing to let go of your story in order to get what you want.
If you want help discovering the hidden blocks that keep you from taking the actions necessary to get what you want, then check out our home-study program: The Science Of Creating Love™.
This structured program is like having us in your ear to guide you step-by-step to create the changes you desire. There are TWO processes in every module for a total of FORTEEN processes to access your subconscious mind that drives all of your behavior (and even determines who you have the spark of attraction with).
The Science Of Creating Love™ is 100% digital download so you can started right away – even if it’s 3:00am. Here’s the link: www.TheScienceOfCreatingLove.com
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,