This week’s question comes from Cha Cha:

“Hi Orna and Matthew,

I’ve been reading and enjoying (!) Your “Love Notes Weekly” for a while now and it all sounds very clear and helpful…

So I wonder if you can help me out of a situation that is really really a paradox:

During the last 15 years I’ve tried nearly everything in terms of spiritual growth and healing (such as family “settings”, ordering from the universe, ho’oponopono, Reiki, shamanic sessions, Psychology of Vision, a Course in Miracles, PSYCH-K, bodywork, radical manifestation, feel better program, …) in order to find my soulmate and my purpose/calling.

And this is what happened: the surface of my day to day life got a bit smoother, yes, I became a bit “nicer”, yes, but that’s all! – Especially the soulmate thing turned out to be a disaster: every time I started a relationship and it came to the point where I believed “ok, this is what (or he is the one) I’ve been asking for”, he turned away. Every time I really felt better (and I really did, I did not pretend to do) and thought things will finally work out well, it got worse.

OK, You might say something better awaits me. But, honestly, how long should that take? I’m 47 now and I want to share my life (or at least what is left of it) with my soulmate and live our purpose together!

I appreciate any help!

Thanks a lot!”

Dear ChaCa,

We’re glad your reading and enjoying our “Love Notes Weekly.” And if you’ve been reading you’ll notice that there are a few common themes that run through our advice. One of them is to discover your Love Imprint and to notice how it is affecting your choices in relationship (particular how it shows you the subconscious blocks that you have to allowing love in).

While you’ve done a lot of spiritual work (and the techniques you’ve mentioned are all very good), what you don’t share is what you’ve learned about yourself, your patterns, and new actions you’ve been taking since utilizing these great tools.

It is important to think positively and to create visions of what you desire, however, if you’re subconscious is running a program that is in conflict with that vision then you’ll still be getting the same kinds of results you’ve always been getting.

Uncover for yourself what love means to you from your family of origin. Where in your childhood did you work really hard and think that you’ve finally got it figured out only to have things get worse? Do you have a story about disappointment? Not getting what you want?

These are the questions that will move you forward exponentially on your path to love. It won’t help to run off to another practitioner who will “work” on you without you having to delve into your own stuff. It also sounds like it would be a good idea to pick one of these techniques you’ve tried and stick with it for the long run. Simply scratching the surface with a technique and then moving onto the next will not bring about the changes that you are looking to make.

You also didn’t tell us much about the men you end up in a relationship with. Are they ready for the type of commitment you’re looking for? Are they proclaiming their love for you and then having a sudden change of heart and wanting out? Or are you interpreting “signs” from them and assuming that they on the same page and then discover that is not correct?

We understand this approach may sound a little harsh and we want you to know we are approaching this with love. We want you to love yourself so much that it doesn’t matter. We want you to know deep down inside that you will be happy no matter what. We want you to CHOOSE a relationship because it is your next step on your spiritual journey.

With that in mind, what can you learn from these failed attempts? How can they teach you about yourself and what you still need to learn? If you dig through them looking for the Golden Nugget in each one (the piece of learning that will make you grateful for each of these men and what they taught you about yourself) then you will be able to take that gold into your next relationship.

We recently received an email from one of our listeners who told us that she thought positively, brought in her guy, and then it didn’t work out. So, she decided that this thinking positively stuff just doesn’t work and she was going to give up on love. Don’t give up because there are speed bumps in the road and you’re not getting what you want in the time you want it. Don’t give up for anything, no matter how much heartbreak and disappointment, don’t give up on yourself and you will find the love you want.

You state the “surface of my day to day life got a bit smoother, yes, I became a bit ‘nicer’, yes, but that’s all!” Don’t discount this. This is not a small thing. What if everyone’s life got a bit smoother and they all got a bit nicer? Wouldn’t that be a great world to live in? Perhaps you have inspired others to make some changes in their life because you were a little nicer.

Be kind to yourself. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small. And start a program of loving your life and living it fully. Then let us know how things work out.

Love and Abundance,

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