This week’s question comes from Joann:

“Dear Orna and Matthew,

I have a general question about men and pursuing. I’ve heard from a lot of dating and relationship experts who mention that some men are shy and have a difficult time pursuing a woman. I call them the fisherman, and the pursuers I refer to as hunters. I know according to He Is Just Not That Into You, that a woman should never pursue a man. Anyway, what would you say about the fisherman? Do you think it is ok to pursue a man to a certain extent? 

Thank you.”

Hi Joann,

Thank you for your very straightforward question. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman pursing a man as long as she intends to remain as the masculine energy in the relationship.

Just because a man is a shy fisherman and not a bold hunter does not mean he is not a pursuer. It just means he has a different style of pursuing. If a man is shy, it may mean that he needs some more obvious clues that the water is warm and that he can approach. We love Cherry Norris’ idea of the 6-second smile. It is long enough to let a man know that you are interested (and not happenstance), and yet not too long to be uncomfortable or creepy.

If after giving a 6-second smile he still does not take action, you may decide to step up and say, “Hello.” Taking any more action than this and you will step into the masculine role. Don’t take his phone number; give him yours. Don’t call or text; let him initiate. All of this assumes that your desire is to remain in your feminine, and allow the man to be in his masculine.

There are many varied types of men and women; we do not feel they all fall into two categories. We have worked with many same sex couples and LGBT singles looking for partners, and these energies play an important role in those relationships as well. Masculine energy pursues and gives. Feminine energy receives and acknowledges.

We find the biggest problem in relationships today is that women are pursuing men and then are unhappy that they are in a relationship with a passive man who does not step up to “be the man.”

If you never want to be in the situation where you have to ask where the relationship is going, or what his intentions are – then do not pursue. A man who is pursuing you will make his intentions known every step of the way.

How to decide if you are the kind of woman where it is okay to pursue a man is easy – just look at the desired relationship you want to create. If you want to primarily be the receiver and acknowledge your man for what he brings you, then NEVER pursue. If you are the kind of woman who wants to be the giver and you like to drive the relationship then go for it – PURSUE!

It’s when our dating styles do not match our desired relationship model that things become hazy. We love this saying, “Date the way you want to mate!”

Being clear on what it is you want to create is the first step to take and yet most of us do this backwards… we meet a person and twist into a pretzel in an attempt to extract love from that person.

We don’t get love from another person – we share love with them. It is the love you have for yourself that will be reflected back to you in your Beloved’s eyes.

If you would like some clarity on the kind of relationship that will bring you soul-satisfying, long-lasting love we recommend our digital program Your Soulmate Blueprint™.

This DIY program will guide you through the process of figuring out what is really important to you in intimate relationship so you can identify an ideal match when you meet him.

This program digs deep… so be ready to roll-up your sleeves and get started today at:

Love and Abundance,