I’m not attracted to the men I meet…

Hi Orna and Matthew,

Hopefully you can help me. I’m getting so frustrated with online dating and am afraid I’ll never meet my soulmate.

My question is – How do I balance trying to find a good man with the need to be attracted to him? I’m trying to be open but am getting frustrated because I try to focus more on the profile online but find that I’m not physically attracted to most of them when we meet.

It all just feels like a waste of time!

Dear Christina,

It is all too common to feel frustrated with dating, particularly online dating. We hear it all the time from our clients and our community.

However, what we discover when we dig deeper is that usually it is because of the way they are approaching dating (specifically online dating) that is the problem.

Online dating sites and apps are nothing but tools for meeting new people. As a tool for meeting people they are neither good nor bad. They are just a tool for you to use.

If you are using the tool incorrectly then you won’t get the results you desire. It’s unlikely you’d blame the curling iron if you burned your neck, right?

Most people go online looking for their soulmate. So they evaluate potential dates through the lens of, “Is he my soulmate or not?” Instead, we suggest evaluating potential dates through the lens of, “Would this be an interesting person to spend 60-90 minutes over coffee or a cocktail?”

This takes away all the pressure of him needing to fulfill an unrealistic expectation for a first meeting. It also puts you in a curiosity mindset. Being curious about someone automatically makes the situation more enjoyable.

The frustration you’re feeling comes from the unrealistic expectations you’re putting on these men to fulfill your dreams.

All too often we hear the protest, “But I haven’t got the time to go on that many dates!”

If you don’t have the time to go on 2-3 dates a week, then you probably don’t have time for a relationship either.

Many women think that pre-screening all the profiles only for men who fit their criteria for a soulmate will maximize their time – unfortunately, this actually slows down the process of you connecting with him.

Instead we suggest that you meet men who don’t fit into your usual criteria. Meet men who are taller/shorter, or older/younger than you would usually date.

When you approach online dating this way, you’ll actually speed up the process of meeting your soulmate because you’ll be more open to the man at the table with you instead of having a fantasy, unrealistic expectation of who he is.

Attraction is a requirement for a relationship – but not a date!

You won’t know who you are attracted to until you meet the guy in person. Online dating sites and apps are tools to get you offline dates. Dates are the goal!

Making a commitment to yourself to treat dating like a part-time job is a great way to carve out time that you will spend with your soulmate once you meet him. So creating this time for dating is never a loss.

If you’re looking for guidance before and during the dating process so you can find an ideal match for you check out our Home Study Program: THE SCIENCE OF CREATING LOVE™.

This in-depth program includes 2 Processes in every module – designed to create change on the subconscious level. That’s 14 processes in the entire program!

What’s great is that all you have to do is listen to a module each week and follow along in the workbook. You’ll clear out what is keeping you stuck from finding your soulmate, plus dating skills to help you identify him out in the world, plus the necessary skillset for lasting love!

Purchase THE SCIENCE OF CREATING LOVE™ at the link below and get started right away – even if it’s 3:00am! www.TheScienceOfCreatingLove.com

We are here to be your guides to love!

Love and Abundance,

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About the authors

Love Coaches Orna and Matthew Walters

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches and prolific writers about love. Finding love, keeping love, healing from heartbreak, bringing in your beloved and more. They have been published on MSN, Yahoo!, YourTango, Redbook, and have been featured guest experts on BRAVO’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER with Patti Stanger, and as guests with Esther Perel speaking about love and intimacy.

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