This week’s question comes from Virginia:
“Dear Orna and Matthew,
What is the most telling indication—going in—that let’s you know a man is sincere and coming from a “relationship” sort of place in life?”
Thank you for your very direct question. However, you cannot know “going in” whether anyone is sincere about wanting a relationship. There aren’t any secret signs that signal one man is more relationship ready than another. You’ll actually have to spend some time getting to know him to see what his intentions are.
There are, however, signs you can look for while you’re dating him (and hopefully other men as well) to know what he is looking for.
Pay attention to his actions. How a man behaves toward you will reveal everything you need to know about his intentions.
Too often we hear from women who make things much to easy for a man. They make excuses for his behavior, they pursue him, they turn a blind eye at the tell-tail signs of who he really is.
We have been interviewed about the current “Hook-Up Culture” prevalent in and around college campuses and we find it interesting that so many people have decided that this is a new way for men and women to date. Honestly, we cannot think of a time when young men did not want sex with no strings attached. It seems that in today’s world a lot of young women decided it was acceptable for them and thus this Hook-Up Culture began.
It does not matter the age of the man – if he wants a relationship, he will pursue you accordingly. If he doesn’t want a relationship, he will allow you to do all of the work and “hang out” as long as you don’t ask too much of him.
The best thing you can do is to stop justifying his behavior, or thinking that there are “hidden clues” you need to uncover. Most men will tell you directly where they are and what they want. If he says that he doesn’t want a relationship and yet continues to date you and sleep with you, this isn’t some clue that he is changing his mind. This is him taking advantage of a situation and getting regular sex.
A man who wants a relationship will talk about it. He will ask you early on to be exclusive. He will move things forward in the relationship.
In fact, some men try to move things forward really quickly. Calling frequently, bringing flowers, seeking exclusivity after the first date – these are all signs that a man doesn’t like to be alone and is looking to fill the void with the first attractive woman he meets. Try slowing things down with a guy like this and see if his interest lasts.
There is a tendency among many women to complicate this whole process. Keep it simple. Let him lead, and pay attention to what he says and what he does.
If you are unsure what exactly you’re looking for in a relationship and a man to fit into that picture, our digital program Your Soulmate Blueprint is a great way to gain a clear picture of your true soul partnership so you can identify the man who fits your true heart’s desire.
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,