This week’s question comes from Arminda:

Hello Orna and Matthew, 

How do you know when you have found your soulmate?  Because, I have met a guy who really made my world turn around, but I do not know if I had caused the same feeling on him and I am feeling a bit frustrated, for not getting much of a response from him.

Dear Arminda,

This is a great question and one we feel very passionate about. Let’s start with the soulmate part. We are of the belief that we don’t have just one soulmate.

Soulmate love is as much a choice as it is fate.

The universe would be a very cruel place to just put one soulmate out of billions here on Earth and expect us to find each other. Instead there are people we have a soul connection with. We realize we are mincing words a little bit, but we want you to understand that finding a soulmate isn’t by accident and it isn’t by fate – it comes from intentional action.

We connect with a soulmate when we are clear about who we are and what we want. It is this clarity that allows us to recognize that person when he shows up.

It can get confusing when we use our emotions to determine if someone is our soulmate or not. You shared that this man made your “world turn around” when you met him.

Intensity of emotion is not a good measure to determine a soulmate. Most often emotional intensity is present when someone reflects our childhood wounds back to us.

We know this from our work with our clients who have had abuse in their background. They describe feeling an intense emotional attraction to a man who turns out to be an abuser as well.

Intensity of emotion is not a good measure for whether someone is a good match for us, meaning that they can fulfill our needs and match our relationship values.

Instead we find that a sense of recognition, comfort, and curiosity are feelings that are present when we meet our soulmate. It will feel like no other relationship you’ve had in the past – not from an intensity of emotion, but rather a sense of calm, comfort and ease.

The other red flag that appears to be present is that he doesn’t seem to be effected in the same way you were. Once again, only a cruel universe would present a soulmate who is not interested in you. The truth is, if he was into you, you would know it. When a man finds what he desires, he pursues; he doesn’t disappear or become unresponsive.

Ask yourself if you have a pattern of being attracted to unavailable men. Was your father distant or did you have to prove that you were worthy of love in some way to either parent? This guy is likely reflecting back a similar story from your childhood, and your subconscious is setting off alarm bells (intense emotion) to let you know how familiar this is.

Our subconscious does not have any judgment on the information it receives. It classifies all new information as either familiar or unfamiliar. We would guess that your subconscious sees a lot that is familiar in this guy. Ultimately, this as not a good sign in the long run.

The Science of Creating Love™ is like having us in your ear walking you through each step of your journey to love. Each module will be delivered to your in-box once a week, and you simply follow along with the audio program (transcript included) and the workbook.

If you’ve always wanted to coach with us but couldn’t afford to, then this is for YOU!

You came into the world just like every other baby – as the human embodiment of the energy of love. That’s why we say, “Love is your birthright”.

Do not give up hope because this particular man is not interested in a relationship with you. Instead upgrade your love strategies and you’ll discover a soulmate connection with a man who sees you as his soulmate also.

In order to create soul-satisfying, long-lasting love, two people must choose each other. Love that lasts is a choice.

We are here to support you on your path to love.

Love and Abundance,

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